Move over Brett Kavanaugh! Ted Cruz is a real man, and he likes beer. OK?!?!
The gay-hating, attention-hungry senator appeared on Newsmax Wednesday to discuss the possibility of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) soon recommending that Americans drink only two alcoholic beverages per week.
A few days ago, the head of the NIAAA, Dr. George Koob, told the Daily Mail the U.S. could revise its alcohol guidelines in 2025 to be more in line with Canada, which recently suggested the two drinks per week threshold.
“I mean, they’re not going to go up, I’m pretty sure,” he said. “So, if [alcohol consumption guidelines] go in any direction, it would be toward Canada.”
This admission has sparked a whole new round of beer discourse (yay)!, with conservatives trying to make it seem as if Joe Biden will soon order Americans to cut down their alcohol consumption.
Never one to miss a chance to humiliate himself, Cruz railed against the Biden Administration during his TV appearance on second-rate Fox, coming off like a complete doofus.
First, he claimed Democrats are trying to “go after” ceiling fans. That’s right: Joe Biden is supposedly so evil, he wants his constituents to wilt under the heat!
“They’re trying to go after and regulate ceiling fans. Let me tell you: it’s hot in Texas. We don’t want to get rid of our ceiling fans,” declared Cruz.
Of course, there’s no evidence that Biden is planning on attacking the ceiling fan industry. That theory is so crazy, even far-right outlets aren’t spinning it that way.
Take Christian Broadcasting Network, for example. While CBN’s headline on the story contains a right-wing slant–“Ceiling fans latest appliance on Biden’s list, Republicans warn move could tank small businesses–” the article itself isn’t hysterical. The author says the Biden Administration is intent on making appliances, including fans, more energy efficient.
“The DOE changes would require standard ceiling fans to be more energy efficient, saving Americans approximately $39 over the life span of a new fan,” the article reads.
That’s a far cry from: “Joe Biden is declaring war on your ceiling fans!”
But Cruz, who also accused Barbie of spreading Chinese propaganda, isn’t one for subtleties. Then he turned his attention to the possibility the NIAAA could follow Canada when it comes to alcohol guidance.
“And now these idiots have come out and said ‘drink two beers a week,'” said Cruz. “That’s their guideline. Well, I gotta tell ya: if they want us to drink two beers a week, they can kiss my ass.”
Ah, Ted Cruz: always for the common man. Sure, he may side with big business virtually every time over woking people, but he believes regular folk have a right to get drunk, dammit!
If you want a beer in Texas, Ted Cruz will be right at your side… unless there’s a winter storm coming. Then he’s off to Cancun!
Even the Newsmax anchor, Eric Bolling, seemed taken aback by the buffoonery… as did the confused and definitely not coerced beer drinkers standing behind him.
“No, OK…Senator I brought a beer to drink…with ya. I’ll drink this non-alcoholic beer with ya, because I’m not allowed to drink on camera. But I’ll have a sip,” he stammered.
He’s pretty much the bottom of the barrel senator, just look at his voting record
— mary sassin (@redwingschic) August 31, 2023
I drank 4 beers at work today and I didn’t need a group of guys behind me or a camera to do it 🤣
— Memeface1000000 (@Memeface1000000) August 31, 2023
It’s been a beer-obsessed summer for Cruz, who’s still ripping Bud Light for partnering with Dylan Mulvaney for a March Madness ad campaign. Just last week, his office announced his intent to investigate Anheuser-Busch.
Since Republicans don’t possess subpoena power in the Senate right now, Cruz’s angry letter is nothing more than performative. But the man has no shame.
He also found a way Wednesday to turn the conversation back to Bud Light, making him come across as a dad who’s desperately trying to relate to his kids. (“Hey, how about that Bud Light, huh?“)
“Have you ever seen a brand do more damage to itself than Bud Light, which would single-handedly seem to destroy themselves,” he said, despite not being asked about it. “So I’m glad you’re not drinking a Bud Light. Personally, I’m fond of Shiner Bock. They’re a Texas brand. I’ve been to the Shiner brewery in Shiner, Texas, and I recommend it. I promise you, this is not alcohol-free beer down here.”
Yeehaw! It seems like Cruz is entering his party boy era.
How do you think that would’ve played on the Princeton debate team?
Probably about as well as Cruz’s sad attempts at likability.
Wow he is so relatable. He really is “just one of us” common folk. Gee golly
— Mr. Beat (@beatmastermatt) August 31, 2023
I vote for Ted to drink 200 beers a week. He can single handedly revive Bud’s fortunes.
— Rohit Gupta (@roh1) August 31, 2023
abfab
Get a load of those cowgirls behind him. Hee Haw City.
still_onthemark
Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the beer bellies!
Fahd
He’s not going to be able to maintain a weight of 215 lbs. if he keeps drinking so much beer. I recommend switching to a light beer, like Bud Light. I am also reminded that
I do not like that Senator Cruz
I do not like his far right views
I do not like his stupid chin
I do not like his smarmy grin
I do not like him with a beard
I do not like him freshly sheared
I do not like what he just said
I do not like his boxy head
I do not like him wearing glasses
I do not like him greeting kids in classes
I do not like his stupid suits
I do not like his cowboy boots
I do not like him when he sneezes
I do not like him eating cheeses
I do not like him in the leaves
I do not like him when he feeds
I do not like him by a wall
I do not like his tattoo at all
I do not like him in a room
I do not like him in Cancun
I do not like him playing ball
I do not like his face at all
From John Oliver
abfab
See ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION (Lincoln Project)
ZzBomb
More manufactured outrage over nothing at all. I swear conservatives cry like babies when they stub their toe.
abfab
It keeps them busy. They have nothing,
abfab
Another one bites the dust.
Giuliani’s Upper East Side Apartment Is for Sale
Judith Giuliani, his ex-wife, said that it was “no longer a home,” while Mr. Giuliani’s lawyer told a judge recently that the former mayor was “close to broke.” NYT
Leave NYC bitch.
barryaksarben
Can he find something productive he can do ? anything productive ? Is he just going to be a Zazu Pitts judgmental aunt in a thirties movie? he is so pathetic. sick individual
dbmcvey
So embarrassing. Conservatives are just making things up to try to get their uninformed base riled up.
mildredspierce
Drink as much as you want, Tedly. It couldn’t possibly make you any less interesting, attractive or brain damaged.
andyr930
Cancun Ted is proof that aborted fetuses can survive and attempt to be sentient even if the brain did not develop.
Fname Optional Lname
I love how when a Democrat is in office that person is in charge of every decision any and every organization makes but if a Republican is in office any bad decision made by an American organization is because they were probably run by woke Democrats.
mailliw110
Have another one! YOU want to control what women do with their bodies. YOU want to control the mental health of children. YOU want to limit free speech in the classroom. YOU want to force your religion onto everyone else.
Kangol2
Ted Cruz continues to show he isn’t serious about his job as US Senator, and really wants to serve as a FoxNews or Newsmax or OAN commentator. expounding on stupidity whenever possible.
Texas voters should do him the favor and vote his lumbering @ss out next year. They probably won’t but they’d earn praise across the US if they did so.
abfab
McConnell Releases Letter Declaring Him ‘Medically Clear’ to Work After Episode
The brief statement came from the attending physician of Congress, who said he had reached the conclusion after consulting with the top Republican’s doctors and didn’t say he had examined the senator. NYT
A Republican doctor also said the same shit about the POS. He too was ”medically clear” to be president.
And Cruzy…he’s just brain dead.
Jimmynj
Ted Cruz proves once again that he is a giant joke. If he were holding a margarita in Cancun, he would have drank that in one gulp. No one vote for him ever again. Let him wallow in his Texas mediocrity.
scotty
fat ted looking like a chaz bono impersonator. all apologies to mr bono.