feeling your oates

The gays have the hots for this Crossfit athlete & we have Joyce Carol Oates to thank (yes, really)

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Image Credit: Instagram, @sam____squats

Over the past 60 years, Joyce Carol Oates has become one of the most respected and prolific American writers, penning acclaimed novels and short stories, and winning prestigious accolades like the National Book Award.

She’s also a chronic over-sharer on Twitter X, where she’s constantly posting hot takes and photos of her cats. We certainly don’t begrudge Oates for tweeting as much as she does—talk your sh*t, girl!—it’s just funny to see the thoughts of one of the most venerated voices in the literary world among an unending feed of pop star screeds and gay dude thirst traps.

But lately? It’s all starting to blend together. And that’s because Oates has been posting some thirst traps of her own—not of herself, mind you, but of a family member named Sam, who happens to be completely yolked.

Meet Sam Hagen, a New York City-based Crossfit competitor and “Harvard grad (arts),” as Miss Oates tells us. The two are family by marriage—Sam is the grandson of the writer’s late second husband, Charles Gross.

Oates first shared a photo of Sam and his mom, Melanie (also a bodybuilder!), on December 28, and the internet hasn’t been the same.

Not since she (jokingly?) tweeted about conservation laws in response to a dead dinosaur photo from the set of Jurassic Park have folks been this interested in Oates’ online presence. Of course, leave it to the gays to immediately get up in her replies after the post, shooting their shot with Sam:

But, can you blame them? Sam’s got the brains (we repeat, “Harvard grad (arts)!”) and the brawn; he seems like the whole package!

In any event, Oates clearly has no qualms showing off her fit family member for engagement—the above post has ways more likes and retweets than any of her pics to cats (no offense to the pretty kitties)—and she’s gradually beginning to realize what it is the people want to see!

Related:

Gay CrossFit star Alec Smith inspires us with his story and makes us quiver with his ripped bod

Smith is returning to the CrossFit Games later this summer.

Most recently, she shared a series of photos of Sam competing in a Crossfit Competition in Texas, and it’s hilarious to watch her realize in real-time what’s really going to drive the clicks.

First up is a photo of Sam and his mom posing for the camera, wearing full workout sweats outfits. Cute! (41 likes, 3 retweets). Then we got an action shot of Sam lifting a barbell that looks very heavy, flashing calves yet fully clothed. Nice job, Sam! (46 likes, 4 retweets). And, finally, a photo of Sam standing and smiling—presumably post-competition—with his shirt off. *AWOOOGAH* (894 likes, 114 retweets).

See what we’re getting at here? You’ve got to give the algorithm what it wants, Joyce!

The author’s “fans” responded in kind, flooding her page with…um… positive reinforcement:

Oates has made a point to note that she’s been sharing all of these photos with permission, and since her latest post about her grandson-in-law includes his full name, it sounds like we’ve got the green-light to look him up on Instagram, too, right?

Well, we sure did, and the results did not disappoint. Hagen posts frequent fitness updates, workout routines, and plenty of thirst traps from his account, @sam____squats, which we’re sure got a recent follower bump from Oates. And if you see us in the comments, mind your business!

Related:

Fitness influencer asks “what’s your reason for exercising?” & gays share their hilariously honest answers

“Why do you even lift, bro?”

The troll-heavy social media feed of an 85-year-old literary icon is probably the last place we’d expect to find a new ripped hunk to obsess over, but we’ll just chalk it up to one of life’s little miracles.

Joyce Carol Oates, thank you for your service. And Sam Hagen… if you read this we’re free on Thursday night and would like to hang out. Please respond to this and then hang out with us on Thursday night when we’re free.

Please enjoy some of our favorites from the Crossfit hottie and Harvard grad (arts)’s Instagram page below:

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