In a powerful new essay published by The Independent, writer Dean Eastmond opens up about being raped three years.
Eastmond was 16 years old when the 2012 Olympic games took place in London.
“My quaint little hometown of Weymouth hosted the sailing events,” he recalls, “and I ended up as an Olympic attendant, serving food to athletes and their crews. Not a bad first job, I guess.”
Related: London Man Shares Harrowing Account Of Being Raped And How It Changed His Life
During the course of the job, Eastmond befriended another guy who was a couple years older than him.
“We used to get the same bus into work each morning,” he writes. “He looked and acted like a nice enough guy. He was always smiling, and popular with our other colleagues. As a shy and closeted teenager, I looked up to him as a friend.”
One evening, the man asked Eastmond if he could hang out at his flat before Eastmond had to go and work the late shift. Thinking nothing of it, Eastmond said yes.
“Before I knew it, my trousers had been pulled down and he was on top of me,” he recalls. “All I remember is the pain, and my vision becoming blurred by the intense fear that swept over me. It was my first ever sexual encounter.”
After the encounter, Eastmond still managed to go to work that night.
“I left the house to go to work, but he stayed inside my room,” he writes. “I was terrified at the thought of still finding him in my room when I got back from my shift. This was a nightmare that haunted me for weeks after: walking into my bedroom at any time, and finding the man who raped me sitting there.”
Three years later, Eastmond says he still feels “an indistinguishable sense of fear, doubt, worthlessness and discomfort” over the incident, which he never told his parents about or reported to police.
Related: Male College Student Bravely Opens Up About Being Raped By Another Guy
“I was trapped within what my rapist had done, and unable to reach out to anyone for help,” he writes. “I thought I’d be outed as gay and rejected. I know this sounds silly. But it was what I thought, and I know it’s the same for others who have been sexually abused.”
Citing a group called Rape Crisis, Eastmond says as many as 12,000 men are raped in England and Wales every year.
“We should make sure that we’re addressing the issue of male rape,” he says, adding that as many as 98 percent of male rape victims don’t report the crimes. “And I’m included in that figure,” he adds.
“Unless such issues are spoken about and understood more, I doubt this statistic will ever change.”
Eastmond hopes that by sharing his story he can be a part of the change.
“I’m talking because I know it’s the right thing to do,” he writes. “No one should let their experiences rot away within themselves. No means no, no will continue to mean no — and male rape needs to be spoken about, urgently.”
Related: Straight Man Writes About Being Raped By Another Guy In Horrific Detail
Captain Obvious
A nice start would be no longer calling it “male rape” when it’s just rape. It’s not a special kind of rape, it’s the same rape.
enlightenone
For a 19 year old, gay MAN, it takes a strong sense of self-worth, COURAGE, and BRAVERY to bring to light his painful, trauma experience!
AndYouWillDeal
So…did he report him to the police or nah?
Chris
The next step would be to prosecute, sue or do whatever one does to seek justice across the pond.
In any case, congrats on facing your worst nightmare and coming through it. I hope that your process of healing from this ordeal goes smoothly.
Jo Cortez
Kieran
How would he even prove he was raped? He’d have to go make a claim at the police and then what? Be sent to a hospital and subjected to a rectal examination for signs of trauma and semen as proof?
Masc Pride
So he just laid there and took it? He doesn’t mention rejecting the encounter, verbally or physically, even once. The briefness and likely omission of details is rather odd too. They got back to the guy’s place and the guy just pulls his pants down? That’s a typical Friday night for lots of gay men. Sounds more like regret than rape.
jrh311
@Kieran: Isn’t that how they do it when women are raped? Check for genital trauma and traces of semen.
someonefromny
Unfortunately, many men who later identify as gay are raped or molested as younger people, teenagers and younger. It’s a fact. This is too common an introduction into homosexuality by an older gay man who takes advantage of a younger man.
Look up the stats. Rape and molestation are all too common in many men’s personal histories.
Goforit
@Masc Pride: You are a FUCKING pig. Go away.
Stevenw
Queerty, I think an ‘ago’ is missing.
“Dean Eastmond opens up about being raped three years AGO”.
Its a scary enough story as it is, without the missing bit.
Masc Pride
@jrh311: Rape kits don’t prove sexual assault. “Trauma” and semen can be present even when the sex is consensual (particularly for gay men and anal sex).
@Goforit: Your mother must be so proud.
Blackceo
@Masc Pride:
I’m sure there is more to the story so your issue should be with the author of the article and not Dean Eastmond. Did the writer not ask certain questions out of sensitivity or did Eastmond simply not want to get into the graphic details??? I mean its really the journalist’s responsibility to anticipate gaps in a story, but the conclusion shouldn’t be drawn that because you feel details are missing that there is a questioning of the validity of whether he was raped, which appears to be what you are doing. When I share my sexual assault story I don’t get into the most graphic of the details unless I’m asked and even then with certain people I don’t really get into how violent it was. I’ve only ever told the full story to my 3 best friends and my fiancé.
sdooley23
@masc pride why speculate like a gawker at the site of an accident. His story sounds a lot like mine and trauma affects everyone differently. Some people remember explicit details. Some people block the details. I subconsciencely blocked most of what happened until I was confronted by my first consensual experience. Judgements are the last thing survivors need when telling their story. Telling their truth is how to get power back. I applaud what he is doing as I tried to start a same sex rape survivors network in the 1990’s in the Southern US and found so much judgement, doubt and homophobia in law enforcement communities as well as the gay community (survivors and allies alike).
Masc Pride
@Blackceo: He’s hoping that sharing his story will help to end stigma surrounding “male rape”, yet he doesn’t want to tell the whole story? Strange. Like I said, it’s also very odd for a victim to not make any mention of at least trying to verbally or physically stop the supposed assault, which isn’t really a graphic detail. Aside from the title, which is by the writer, there’s really nothing about this story that denotes a sexual assault even happened. It’s almost as if Eastmond is being purposely vague. Also strange. I’m sure there’s more to the story than what’s written here as well. This purposely omitted info might provide more detail or might show that this wasn’t a rape at all. We don’t know because it’s not included.
@sdooley23: Speculation is appropriate when parts of the story are purposely left out. Particularly if you want to be an activist, you need to be ready for questions and you need to be ready to discuss your experience(s). Being more transparent could remove some of the doubt and judgment.
wiccabasket
Don’t feed the trolls.
dr35
@Captain Obvious: yes. This is the best statement that could’ve been made on this post. Rape isn’t any different for a male or a female. It’s about inflicting fear. It’s fowl, no matter who the victim is
And it’s shameful
Tackle
Correction! If you were raped, it’s not your first sexual encounter…