COW PATTIES

WATCH: Was Bristol Palin’s Gay Dust Up in West Hollywood Staged?

Bristol Palin was heading into the Saddle Ranch in West Hollywood over the weekend when she was harassed by a middle-aged man shouted that her “mother’s a whore” and “a fucking devil.” Confronting the loudmouth inside the hetero bar/restaurant, Palin asked “Is it because you’re a homosexual?” That’s why you hate her?”

Oh Bristol, you don’t have to be a baloney smuggler to hate your mom.

Her attacker responded “Why’d you say I’m a homosexual?” before clutching his pearls and swooning into a bed of hydrangeas.

But all isn’t how it appears: The incident just happened to be recorded by a crew filming Palin for an upcoming reality series about her move from Alaska to Los Angeles. And her heckler—47-year-old Stephen Hanks—is a Hollywood agent who reps, among other people, Alias‘ Michael Vartan. We smell a surgically altered rat!

A rep for Palin told TMZ that, “the situation ended with no incident, and accusing her of homophobia is completely unfounded and totally misstates her views.”

That’s true: Levi Johnston’s baby mama would actually have to formulate her own opinion for it to be misstated.