If you found out your partner is cheating on you, are you going to call the whole thing off? The chances of you doing so depend if a man or a woman. And if your partner screwed around in a straight or gay way.
Straight guys are more likely to stick things out if their girlfriends get it on with a lady; but if it’s a heterosexual affair, that’s when they’re ending things. But straight chicks are more likely to end things if they find out their man snuck away with another dude. That’s all according to psychologists Jaime Confer of the University of Texas and Mark Cloud of Lock Haven University, in new research published in Personality and Individual Differences. Overall, men are more likely to find cheating inexcusable.
Alas, it doesn’t appear the psychologists quizzed their respondents — some 718 undergraduates at two Pennsylvania public universities, featuring 324 men and 394 women — on whether they are gay. Or how they would react if they were. Miller McCune says respondents “were asked to imagine themselves in a romantic, heterosexual relationship. They then completed a questionnaire in reaction to a specific infidelity scenario.” It’s unclear whether the respondents were actually heterosexual, or just instructed to imagine they were in such a relationship.
But couple these results with a study that concludes men who earn less than their female partners are more likely to cheat, and we’ve basically found the most doomed relationships: straight couples where the woman earns more and cheats on her boyfriend with another man.
The question, of course, is Why? Why does the gender of the homewecker matter? Because of jealousy and insecurity, researchers conclude. For straight men, a woman who cheats with another woman apparently doesn’t put his masculinity in jeopardy. Meanwhile, a straight man (insert airquotes) who cheats with another man sends the signal to his female partner that she can’t give him everything he needs.
Ron
All I can say is, as a gay man, if my husband cheated on me with another man I’d cut off his balls and hand them to him on my way out the door! If he cheated with a woman,well, after a half-hour laughing fit, I’d probably go back to whatever I was doing before he told me.
Mike in Asheville
Seems as though the researchers missed the obvious: a married man who cheats on his wife with another women is guilty of adultery; a married man who cheats on his wife with another man is guilty of adultery AND lying about his sexuality.
For the wife, in addition to questioning the quality and strength of love she thought she was receiving from her husband, she would also be left wondering whether he ever loved her, whether he pictured a man while engaged in sex, etc. What a horrible mind fuck.
************
If my husband had an affair with a woman, I would be left dumbfounded: was he playing gay while I’m living gay? That threatens me. If he had a quickie with another man, well I want the pictures and details, while confessing my own.
Mike in Asheville
@No. 1 Ron
Wow — our comments are quite the opposite!
Mr. Enemabag Jones
Well, when my BF told me he had sex with a girl while in high school, I was surprised, considering he’s a mid-thirties “Justin Suarez”. When I asked if the girl was Helen Keller, he rolled his eyes at me. So really I don’t worry about him getting with a woman, since he’s not interested in them.
However, when I thought he might be gettin’ it on with an ex that was visiting the city for a wedding, I was mightily pissed. He did not cheat, but just the idea that he might of, really got me angry.
I don’t like the idea that I’m jealous, because jealousy can be an ugly thing. But when I came home from work, and found the BF on our bed in his underwear, and the ex walking out of the bathroom naked, I went apeshit
Bryan
Well both sides kinda(gay and straight especially, gay men and straight women) kinda see it as the ultimate insult to a relationship when he cheats with the other side. I’m not sure why, but that’s how it is, and I’ll admit I suffer from the same. I can’t place it, but there’ll be something definitely more hurtful if I found out a guy I’m in a serious relationship with who has never told me he’s bisexual or shown any tendencies towards that was cheating on me with a woman.
BenR
I think it has at least something to do with the concept that female sexuality is fluid while male sexuality is rigid.
You’re right that a man whose wife cheats on him with another man sees that as threatening to his masculinity. And how often do married women really cheat on their male spouses with other women?
Because of the assumption that men are either all straight or all gay, on the other hand, if a man confesses a homosexual liaison to his wife, she’s more likely to feel as though he is a closet case who has just been stringing her along. There’s a basic assumption that a man who has sex with another man must be 100% gay, and not simply bisexual or “exploring.”
Cam
Easy,
A woman can compete with another woman. It means that the basic foundation of their marriage. (Hetrosexual Love and Attraction) wasn’t a lie even if it’s fading.
If her husband cheats with a man, it could mean that she was tricked into marrying a gay man who didn’t want to come out at that time. It’s a double betrayal for her I would imagine.
Austin (not that Austin)
I was in relationship for years with a married bi-sexual.
He described it like this – You eat something salty, then
you eat something sweet. What if someone told you that
for the rest of your life you could only eat salty food.
You would develop a stronger craving for the forbidden sweet
foods. That’s the way he was about sex. He wanted a woman,
then he wanted to be with a man. When he got married,
it intensified his longing to be with the forbidden man.
chimmy
I think that the age of the person is a factor. If a man cheats on someone when they are young, he gets a lil bit more acceptance than a man in his older years. Although I know that people cheat at all ages, sometimes they are all just creeps. I know I can satisfy my man, and if he had to go to a woman, I’d be strictly pissed, and want to know why?
kokobean
As a straight woman ill dump his ass if he cheats on me with anyone. Cheating with a dude…he has to go. Im sorry. I m straight and i want a straight man. Not a gay man or bisexual man. Cant deal with the drama of a bisexual man.
Ian
@Mr. Enemabag Jones: Let me get this straight, your BF was on your bed in his underwear, and the ex was walking out of the bathroom naked, and your convinced he did NOT cheat. Man, I got some unicorns I’d like to sell you as well as some land at Rainbow Meadows.
That being said, I believe that women’s sexuality is fluid but men are hardwired straight or gay, bisexuality in men is pure BS in my opinion, they’re simply gay and afraid to admit or commit to their true sexuality. So in that instance I can understand why a woman would be pissed because she married a gay dude who is in the closet and lied to her, himself, or both.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Which only confirms how freaking delusional straight dudes are. They are all live under the delusion that a Lesbian trist is never quite fufilling without a cock! And the reason they will stay with their Lesbian leaning lady is they will someday get an invite to a trist………….
What they can’t seem to fit into their empty cranium is that a Lesbian about the same level of desire for a cock as a straight man…….( before the six pack, of course :p )
j
@Ian: So your selling him unicorns? And you follow it up with something that ignorant? Wow. Some people really do live in their own, self absorbed world.
Ian
@j: I speak both from my own life’s observations as well as what I’ve read in some scientific journals as well as news articles. I know guys who label as bi will automatically attack my opinion due to fear and self-loathing and of course lash outward instead of looking inward for self-acceptance, there’s nothing I can do about that. I just hope that one day they can accept who they are and stop all the bi-bullsh** and harming their heterosexual wives, children, & families by their continued lying and living on the “down-low”.
Michael
This is just too easy. Gay or straight, if your partner is having an affair, it means some level of the original love has been lost. In a male female relationship, if the male has an affair with another male, the female sees two things; a) some or all of the original love is gone, plus b) some or all of the love for women is gone as well. Relationships that survive infidelity usually do so for financial reasons, or because children are in the picture.
Michael
Undergraduates as a group to study – relationships? Dood, come on! I had lots of “relationships” in college, but they were primarily sexual. None were serious enough to have ever been considered a “death to you part” kind of thing. Without a doubt, age is a factor in how anyone would respond to any of those survey questions. Proof? How many undergraduates wind up with their college sweetheart? Certainly some, but look around, the percentage is way low.
the other mike in Asheville
psssst!
don’t anybody tell “mike in Asheville” how many women I’ve been with …
D.R.A
“Why Are Straight Women Less Likely To Forgive Husbands Who Cheat With Other Men?”
Uh, I dunno…maybe it’s because it often means their husband is a closet case who’s using his wife as a beard.
What a dumb question.
D.R.A
@D.R.A: Ah, crap; I just noticed the wonky grammar in my comment. Too bad I can’t edit it…
adman
My partner had a wife for six years before we met, and she’s still a big part of his life since they share custody with their daughter. To this day, she can not handle the intimacy between he and I, at first she was a completely unhinged psycho about it. Many straight women are just an conquest driven as men can be when it comes to intimacy between “her” man and another guy. Doesn’t matter if he’s a friend, co-worker, golf buddy, whatever. In her mind SHE is the gatekeeper of his emotional life and any further intimacy with men from the point he left her will be left up to her, thank you very much.(she always knew he was bi, then SHE went out and found a girlfiend, got over her, cheated w/ a man, etc., *sigh*)
It’s like the female boss who kisses your ass all the time until you’re in the lunchroom with the guys, and suddenly she’s a hard assed professional. Women are people, people go on conquests, are self aggrandizing to a fault, and get insecure. It’s not just men. Territorial people make me sick at this point, it’s just the inverse of being constructive with your time and energy. It’s pathetic, actually. So many women are terrified of negotiating intimately with men, so they just play it like the pussy is solid gold, and the estrogen that fills their bodies is sacred, you are a male caveman, end of story.
Aaron
You know, if society put less emphasis on sexual monogamy, so many relationships wouldn’t be ruined. Sexual monogamy is bullshit. No other mammals practice sexual monogamy as far as I know. I can understand the destruction of a relationship when your lover falls in love with somebody else, but sex? Who gives a fuck (no pun intended)? Sex is sex. It’s perfectly natural for men and women to want other sexual partners. It may even be possible to romantically love more than one person (well, I know it is, I just don’t know if I could).
Aaron
@Ian: Hello, I would like to just personally say: fuck you.
Who are YOU to tell me that I AM IN DENIAL? Isn’t that what gay men have been trying to fight for so long? Being told their identity is FALSE while the straight identity the RIGHT WAY? And please, do lead me to those studies (and not that one featured in NYT; that was proven bull anyway), because the studies I have read (you can find plenty of links here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexuality or simply to a quick google search for studies on bisexuality in men) have said otherwise. So all those guys who have banged chicks and loved it, and then banged men and loved it, they’re all a bunch of gays in denial, right? You disgust me. Have you ever thought the reason many men who once identified as bi and now gay did so because of bigots like you? I certainly know it’s not a fun thing to be ostracized from one community, and then have the supposedly “tolerant” community do the same damn thing.
I think you’re the one in denial. Hah, maybe you’re actually just bisexual deep down and just refuse to acknowledge it? Sound familiar?
Dave
I know some straight men who have flat out told me how they DO NOT want to have a relationship with a GF or wife who is bisexual and if they did wind up marrying a bisexual woman they would not be OK with her having sex with anyone but them.
Ian’s an idiot who likes to talk out of his a$$ about human sexuality that he’s shown that he knows nothing about.
I’m a gay man and I’ve been out for decades and I’m ashamed and embarrassed at how bigoted some of my fellow gay men are when it comes to bisexuals and bisexuality. Who are you to tell someone that they’re not bisexual or that an entire sexuality and community of people does not exist? How would you know since you’re homosexual and not bisexual?
To all of the men here who claim that there’s no such thing as bisexuality, that bisexual men are always really gay men, or that bisexual men should be avoided:
You’re no better than Conservative Republicans, how some Christians (the born again type), and you’re bigoted just like these people are towards us gay/bisexual/queer men.
It’s 2010 and you’re fellow queer men. One would hope that you’re not a tired old queen who talks out of his a$$ about something she knows nothing about when it comes to bisexuality.
There are a whole shit load of latent bisexuals masquerading around as gay men because they are ignorant of the fact that bisexual doesn’t only mean an equal attraction to both genders and you do not have to fall in love with both genders to be bisexual. Or they’re too scared to admit being bisexual because they’ve invested so much of their time and energy cultivating a gay male identity.
Also there are some gay men who are highly bigoted towards bisexual men. Just like there are some lesbians who dislike bisexual women and trans women. These factors are also reasons why men and women who are bisexual yet call themselves gay or lesbian do not want to come out.
The dirty little secret that never gets addressed in the so called “gay” world is the fact that many gay men do go through a second coming out and re-identify as bisexual. These men may still overwhelmingly prefer men, but their orientation and identity are not exclusively towards men. And how their attraction to both sexes manifests differently as well. The ridiculous protest that “well it just happened that one time, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not going to happen again” belies the fact if you really were gay it wouldn’t have happened in the first place and to now assume that it would never happen again defies basic logic.
It’s always weird to be corrected by someone (e.g., Bill) who is wrong in their knowledge of a subject. I’ve found that if you dare to even allude to someone not being not quite “gay” (in other words bisexual) then you get the typical apoplectic reaction–oh no, no, no, he’s gay, he’s definitely gay, absolutely, no question about it, and on and on and on. So many gay men are so fucking bi-phobic it’s unreal–and it’s usually because they don’t understand the concept in the first place and they’ve made no attempt to do so.
I do have to say this though. A good number of men who say they are gay aren’t fully gay. They only say they are gay because they want a relationship with a guy. But a good number of them if they can’t find a guy when they are horny will just have sex with a woman and they’re attracted to women but just want sex with women, this makes them bisexual.
Try studying human sexuality sometime guys instead of just cruising for d!ck online. Study some Kinsey-Anything between (zero-straight) and 6-gay is bisexual. Or look at the Klein Grid of human sexuality. Or look at the book “Dual Attraction” by Martin S. Weinberg, Colin J. Williams, and Douglas W. Pryor.
There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual. To the bisexual men reading this ignore the haters replying to this blog. Not all gay men are bigoted like a few of them are here. Many of us gay men love bisexual men and I’ve met many gay men who are more into bisexual men and only have lasting long term relationships and date them.
There are some guys here who think that they’ve had sex with actual “straight” guys. Dream on, it’s just a fantasy and if a guy is really hetero or straight and you’re not in prison with him for the rest of your lives as his prison b!tch or doing something forced or non-consensual with him for sex you’re never going to have sex with a real straight guy.
I’ve had relationships with lots of bisexual men and they were just fine. I have had lots of gay men flat out cheat on me and lie to me which is something bisexual men have never done but I’d never tell a bisexual or gay man “Oh don’t date gay men! They will probably lie to you and just cheat on you!”
For the guys who claim that bisexual married men cheat that’s pure BS. I know tons of GAY men who constantly have affairs on their husbands and partners, and their partner does not know about it. Sometimes these men even have an open relationship where they claim that they only “play together” and of course one of them goes off and cheats since having sex with others while only with his partner is not enough for him. Other times the partner assumes that they’re both monogamous and the cheating by his gay male partner goes on right under his nose.
soakman
@ Dave: “For the guys who claim that bisexual married men cheat that’s pure BS.”
I just got out of a three-year relationship with a bi man who not only cheated on me with a woman, but then after we were over, told me that his sexual attraction had 6-month cycles, and started dating a different woman.
Don’t tell me it’s BS. Can it be applied to everyone? No. But stop generalizing and putting your preference on the top of the moral totem pole.
You have no idea the kinds of thoughts and feeling being in that situation leaves you with.
jason
This is further proof of what I’ve been saying for a long time: that there’s a “bisexual double standard” in American society. In other words, there’s a greater acceptance of female bisexuality than there is of male bisexuality. I know this article is about cheating – and I’m not suggesting for one moment that bisexuality equates to cheating – but it does serve to highlight the bisexual double standard.
Wives are harsher on men who cheat with other men for several very important reasons:
a) A woman cannot compete with a man for another man’s affections. The man is stronger and can hit her. If, on the other hand, her husband is cheating with another woman, she can at least scratch her competitor’s eyes out.
b) Women understand that the male-male paradigm is conducive to promiscuity. Once a man strays from her and into the arms of another man, it’s a cascade of temptation within a paradigm where the potential for sex with new partners is much greater than within a male-female paradigm. He is much less likely to go back to her in a monogamous arrangement if his morals are inclined towards many sex partners.
As for why husbands are less harsh on women who cheat with other women, it’s also explained by a few reasons:
a) Female sexuality is largely fake. Men know this. Thus, if a woman strays to another woman, it’s more of an emotional connection that a sexual one. A husband will thus not consider the other woman a true sex competitor. He still rules the roost. He’ll forgive his wife.
b) American’s sexual revolution was designed to increase the promiscuity of women – ie to make them put out more for men. From the pill to the latest skimpy fashion design, it’s been a non-stop effort to create a society wherein women are sexually objectified far more than men. Along with this comes the fetish for “girl-girl action”. Thus female homosexuality has been glamorized through industries such as the mainstream wing of porn, thus creating a greater tolerance for the female-female interaction.
jason
Aaron,
I do so agree with you about those bizarre gay guys who wish to convince everybody that there is no such thing as male bisexuality. I wonder if these same gay guys would say that there’s no such thing as female bisexuality. One wonders if they’d also say that there’s no such thing as female bisexuality.
I personally feel that many gay guys are insecure and narrow-minded. Actually, the gay male scene is one of the most narrow-minded paradigms around. I’ve seen guys come into gay bars simply to pick up a sex partner or two. It’s the most narrow-minded outlook one can imagine. A friend of mine stopped going to gay bars because he found them to be so one-dimensional in this regard.
I also think that at least 50% of all self-described gay men are actually bisexual in their orientation. They don’t want to admit it – and hence project their denial onto bisexual men – because it would ruin their comfortable existences.
afrolito
I don’t know any straight woman who wouldn’t be gutted to find out her man was cheating on her with a man. Women are raised and wired to compete with other women, not men. Finding out your husband likes the cock is a total mindfuck for them. In a perfect world, it probably shouldn’t matter the gender of the liason, but none of us live in that world, so major drama will ensue.
On the bi vs gay thing, I do tend to believe that a lot of so called gay men are really latently bisexual, but for many reasons hide it, or falsely advertise themselves as gay men. So much pain and confusion would end if people were just honest about their desires, and stop hiding and lying to themselves and others.
cupcakes and shiraz
I’d be irritated about my SO cheating anyone to be honest, but it would sting worse if it was with another man because he outright lied about his sexuality from the get-go!
And why am I not surprised that Jason came in here with his incessant whining? Dude, do yourself and the world a favor and get some therapy already!
cupcakes and shiraz
@Aaron: You know, I find it laughable whenever someone brings up the whole “humans can’t be sexually monogamous” argument. Some are and some aren’t…It depends on the person’s needs at a particular time of their lives.
I personally can’t be bothered with more than one sexual partner because believe it or not, there are other things in life way more important than sex. There are many others who feel the same way.
JasonT.
@jason: F8ck you Jason! I’m gay and damn proud of it and damn proud that insecure closet cases like you are too coward to come out. 50% of gay men are bisexual? LOL…nah, it’s just you bisexuals are too damn insecure to face your own realities. I’m not half straight, you’re just a deluded gay!
camote
So called straight men do have sex with men, just as so called gay men have sex with women. Its always disillusioning when the ‘gays’ who I think
see things in ways that are wider, more open for possibility and less confined, are just as walled in as straights in linear categorizations.
SteveAtlanta
Haerty laugh at the bisexual men who have themselves convinced most gay men are actually bi. That’s nothing short of you all seeking validation to sleep better at night over a world who doesn’t want to sleep with you because we assume you come with more diseases, the fact that you aren’t brave enough to step out in to the world and self admit your own homosexuality, and just plain multifaceted confusions going on in your heads. Don’t deflect those confusions on us gay men who have no sexual desires or longing for woman. Your the ones selling yourself on that idea, deal with it with out dragging us in that mess with you.
I can tell you one thing though, I’d rather be intimate with a lesbian female than a bisexual man. Aside from their often militant homophobia (unfortunately, been around one too many) they are usually the most angry at the world, jaded people. They don’t know who they belong to or where they belong and can’t quite seem to grasp their niche so they take it out on everybody. It’s really quite sad.
Disgusted Gay American
well I for one am not jealous at all…….I USED to be….but at 50, he’s 53 …Im married to my partner of 10yrs….I KNOW what WE have together…..the old me was VERY Jealous – back when I was with my X (87 to 95) …..I was a mess, we never lived together…but I used to set my cock to get up at 2am to drive past his house to see IF his car was there etc etc…..I was nutz…..NO ONE will ever do that to me again…My Hubby and I now, KNOW what WE HAVE..and IF he plays on the side, hey – just be careful…..cause he knows..I aint goin nowhere,and I know he aint goin nowhere either.
robert in nyc
No. 12, Plays well with others, I so agree with you on that. Also, when a man cheats with another man, women react negatively for the most part because they can’t compete unlike if their men were cheating with other women.
The majority of straight men in my view who view their girlfriends or wives in a sexual situation as non-threatening to their masculinity while at the same time being repulsed at the thought of two men getting it on is beyond screwed up in my view. I truly believe that a well adjusted heterosexual male wouldn’t feel threatened or repulsed by it which raises the question, is there something else going on in the minds of those straight men who have issues with it other than threats to their so called “masculinity”? Why do they become so defensive or lash out, associated stigma aside?
As for bisexual men, I could never have a permanent relationship with one knowing that at any time, he might decide he wants to be with a woman. Its too unstable, but I daresay, there may be some bi men who could be loyal and have no desire to be with the opposite sex, but I’ve not come across any in my personal experience and I’ve had only two relationships with bi men.
Max Campbell
It all because straight porn industry standarts. Nothing else…
male-female and female-female is normal BUT male-male not normal.
It is necesary to advance male bisexuality at all possible levels. It ia our chance to overcome bisexual double standarts!
Jaroslaw
I hate it when topics turn into the Bisexual Vs. Gay wars….but I did want to share something I read right here on Queerty long ago when this topic came up: It has been said that males who claim bisexuality are more accepted because they are at least partially ‘normal’. It also means for the younger men, their families can cling to the hope they will find the right girl.
Personally, I see both sides of this. I have no doubt there are truly bisexual people; at the same time Gay men have been so hated for so long, it is also sensible to conclude some guys claim Bi to avoid the Gay label. Another little tidbit – there were no laws against Lesbians in Great Britain because Queen Victoria though Lesbianism was impossible. But the laws against male homosexuality were extremely harsh.
camote
Remember in the long history of male/male sex the term gay is western and relatively new. It is the limits of the label itself that has so many men afraid of its limiting application on their possibilites. In many cultures man/man love does not exclude man/woman love, nor is it an affixed tag. Personally I believe in love in all forms, and sex is only a small part of that expression. A very small part. It is understood that true friendship is the real basis of long lasting relationships, and that the petals on the bloom of romance inevitably fall and give way to a sturdier more rugged love. One not based in selfish desires but in the happiness of the other’s happiness.
How often when viewing partners of any orientation do people determine in the sexist jargon ‘who wears the pants’ as to where power lies. That determination has absolutely nothing to do with genitals. And the truth is, unless its an abusive relationship, that no matter how it may appear externally, internally its a sharing of powers. Powers that chiefly are a balancing act of feeling and logic. In everyone regardless of sex one is uppermost—feeling or logic.
I’m rambling now but, how often has a man who is attracted to men seen a FTM and thought wow that’s a fine man, or the opposite parallel? Is it only about appearances? For some yes, but not for all.
Jaroslaw
#34 Max it is not because of Porn. ANY business gives the customer what they already want. Like the rest of life there are some exceptions where needs are “created”, but very seldom.
Robert in NYC- two things – EVERYONE is insecure at some level, and two – these men who are repulsed by two men getting together are responding to societal conditioning be it cultural or religious. Those are powerful forces of long standing. You can’t simply say they’re “screwed up.” Another thing is people in general don’t think much, unfortunately. If they did, newspapers, magazines, TV news and our society would be much different.
Max Campbell
It is just because fucking “straight” porn!!! Whether BUT straight-girls haven’t asked want to see they there a lesbi-scenes. What about bisex guys for straight girls? What about this fetish??? And male-male will receive carte blanche on publicity.
Max Campbell
It is just hypocritical “straight” porn!!! Whether BUT straight-girls haven’t asked want to see they there a lesbi-scenes. What about bisex guys for straight girls? What about this fetish??? And male-male will receive carte blanche on publicity.
Max Campbell
Straight porn industry is a reason of our discrimination!
Mike in Asheville
Note to Jason and Max Campbell:
I know I don’t think about nor imagine in any fashion whatsoever straight porn (yuck) while watching gay porn. I can imagine that the last thing on any straight guy’s mind while viewing porn is gay porn.
I find it interesting extreme homophobic wingnuts like Pete Labarbera (aka Porno Pete) and Matt Barber (Liberty Counsel) are obsessed with gay porn; much like Jason and Max are obsessed with straight porn.
***************
How is it that some gay folk, particularly gay folk who have been having sex for decades, don’t see just how wide the variety of human sexual desires reaches that you can’t at least imagine that there are many people who’s sexual desires reach across gender. While I have absolutely no sexual desires that involve women and have never engaged in relations with a woman, does not mean that I disbelieve someone else does have genuine desires for men and women and men and women together.
Among the many posts here, there are those who claim “no such thing as gay, we are all bisexuals” and those who claim “no such thing as bisexual, we are all gay”. There are some of each, as revealed in these posts.
Mike in Asheville
@cupcakes and shiraz:
Long before you, I and many others have suggested Jason seek serious professional help. Alas, he remains as delusional as ever; though I might point out that, at least this time, he didn’t find a way to educate us that all women are whores all the time.
Max Campbell
Mike in Asheville, shut up!! Stupid hypocritical pig!!!
Max Campbell
Fake female bisexuality make free female homosexual behaviour! It is necessary to advance male bisexuality at all possible levels!!! It is our chance!!!
Bi porn genre should be mainstream.
Max Campbell
Jason, you are totally right! Respect! In every your comment just truth!!!
Don’t listen stupid conformists and hypocritical pigs.
All see hypocritical double standards, but all are silent. Because of political correctness or cowardice.
Straight porn industry is a reason of our discrimination…
It is necessary to give alternative. It is necessary to make free male homosexual behavior. In Antiquity all guys were bisexuals, and the homophobia wasn’t.
Tallskin
I fucked girls when I was 16, even though I wanted to fuck boys. When you’re 16 your cock gets hard at anything and I could’ve fucked a donkey or a goat. That doesn’t mean I liked fucking girls, it means I was pursued and I wanted to try heterosex.
I have to say I am more or less totally gay. I prefer male company. I like male things. I have never ever found a woman sexually attractive. I have never wanked thinking of a female.
I am most definitely not bisexual.
I am, however, happy to have sex with bisexual men.
divkid
It’s always THIS topic. ALWAYS. Really pushes buttons. funny that!
Mike in Asheville
@Max Campbell: Waaah waaah waaah, dipshit.
Max Campbell
Mike in Asheville,
kiss my beuatyful ass, hypocritical cretin!
Dave
@SteveAtlanta
>>Haerty laugh at the bisexual men who have themselves convinced most gay men are actually bi. That’s nothing short of you all seeking validation to sleep better at night over a world who doesn’t want to sleep with you because we assume you come with more diseases, the fact that you aren’t brave enough to step out in to the world and self admit your own homosexuality, and just plain multifaceted confusions going on in your heads. Don’t deflect those confusions on us gay men who have no sexual desires or longing for woman. Your the ones selling yourself on that idea, deal with it with out dragging us in that mess with you.
I can tell you one thing though, I’d rather be intimate with a lesbian female than a bisexual man. Aside from their often militant homophobia (unfortunately, been around one too many) they are usually the most angry at the world, jaded people. They don’t know who they belong to or where they belong and can’t quite seem to grasp their niche so they take it out on everybody. It’s really quite sad.<<
I never said that most gay men are bisexual.
I do know more than a few bisexual men who first came out as being gay men and then later discovered that they are bisexual. This does not mean that every single gay man like you and I is somehow bisexual since we're not attracted to women at all.
Personally I have ZERO interest in having sex with any woman at all even if she is a lesbian.
Bisexual men do not necessarily come with STDs, just look at how many straight men and women do not use condoms or get tested for STDs because they still think that HIV is something that only IV drug users and queer-bisexual and gay men get. Or just look at how many GAY men are into barebacking and swallowing and do this with strangers that they hook up with who they assume are HIV neg.
No not all bisexual men are homophobic and yes there are bisexual men who are out about their sexuality. These men are out as bisexual and not as gay like you seem to wish that they would admit their homosexuality when they're out about being bisexual.
Don't use blanket terms or ideas about bisexual men. I've had flat out horrible experiences with gay men lying to me about things when we dated and who were jaded at Heterosexuals but I do not think this about most or all gay men like you are doing with bisexual men.
No bisexual men are not "confused" however I have met quite a few gay men like yourself who are confused about bisexuality and then get bigoted, highly judgmental, and biphobic about someone else's sexuality, just like how some straight men treat gay men like us because they do not understand how a man simply can't be attracted to women at all or want sex with them.
What's sad are gay men who feel the need to trash bisexual men because these gay men have their own issues they don't want to accept or deal with.
There's nothing wrong with being bisexual at all. It's a good thing, ignore the close minded gay men who think that it's not.
I'll gladly date, have relationships, and have sex with bisexual men because they're men that love men and they are family and a part of the gay/GLBT "community" even if some bigots would like to pretend that they're not.
Rob Moore
@Tallskin: Finally a post to which I can relate. It was the same for me in high school. What no one knew was that girls did nothing to me regardless of whether they had large tits or not, but at that age, a slight breeze could make Mr. Happy happy.
jason
I agree with Max Campbell on the harmful effects of porn in promoting the bisexual double standard. Don’t underestimate it. Many young adults get their impressions of human sexuality through porn. If 99% of porn that contains both men and women allows ONLY the women to interact in a same-sex fashion, of course it’s going to have an influence on impressionable minds.
Porn doesn’t give the customer what it wants. Firstly, it isn’t a free market, it’s a chosen market. The bisexual double standard is chosen by the people who make the porn, with payments being made to women to perform lesbian acts for the benefit of sleazy straight guys. Hardly free and hardly a free market.
In any case, porn is a huge culprit in terms of skewing and distorting human sexuality in a way that discriminates against gay and bisexual men.
Jaroslaw
Finally #52 a wee bit of logic from Jason.
Jason:
1. why do you think porn is the only source of sexual info for young people? Many hip magazines and entertainment newspapers have very explicit sexual columns and articles. Not only that, do you know for a fact that ALL or MOST young people form their opinions about sexuality through porn? I agree with you SOME do.
2. People can see what they like on the street in their daily lives. Not only that you can still extract what you like from straight porn. I did when that is all that was available. In concentrated on the handsome, hairy muscular men. This is not 1950 where no one talks about sex and there are no accurate sources of information
3. I don’t know the dates everything changed, but you can find tons of every kind of porn on the net, so yes absolutely businesses give the customer what they want. If they don’t, they go out of business. Maybe you should try opening a business, forcing people to buy what you want and see how long it lasts.
Ian
@divkid: I lied, I know bisexuality exists to a small degree in men, I just wanted to push some buttons to get a good conversation going. Aren’t I a stinker?
😉
Max Campbell
1. Not only. But porn industry makes enormous impact on mass consciousness. It is obvious!
3. If already many straight studios began to release a bi-porn films … so people want to watch this!
It is necessary for us to use the best efforts for development of this direction! To offer bisexual guys for heterosexual women. And then we will reach balance and we will receive carte blanche on our publicity!
For example, my friends (girls) watch only gay-porn or bi-porn. Because many sexy men:)
Max Campbell
By Kinsey 48% men are bisexuals. But many guys are silent because of a homophobia.
Lycas7x
Most woman practice the art of deception quite well. If some guy has been coming around and you don’t know he’s fucking your husband you have to be pritty dumb. the only reason your going to confront him is if you want something like a sholder to cry on as if… what would you marry a gAY GUY FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. aRE YOU READING THIS??
a
I think most people, straight or not, would care that their significant other cheated.
Just a thought.
Patrick
@Lycas-I know of one woman who intentionally married a gay man.
She’s got the fcuked up notion that her husband must stay with her and they shouldn’t get a divorce ever. She’s brainwashed him to thinking that if he leaves her he’ll never find a partner at all or have it that good as he has with her, and she even forces him to have sex with her every so often which I’m sure makes him want to vomit.
They both have sex with other men on the side and I doubt he’s into using condoms since he’s a total bottom.
For some reason they still stay together even though he came out to her and their daughter a few years ago. Her husband a majorly closeted homo and just has quickies with other men while keeping his wife and “straight” status at home and to the public even though it’s very easy to tell he’s a total flamer. He’s so camp/feminine anyone with half a brain can tell that he’s gay but deeply closeted since he just came out at 50!
He worries about his reputation because he owns a business but he lives in a state where same sex marriage is publically accepted, performed in churches, and it’s completely legal!
I think he’s a pussy for staying, and she’s a cutn for making him stay and emotionally blackmailing him and manipulating him to stay married to her even though he’s gay and they both knew he was gay from the start yet got married anyway!
I found this yahoo group for women who are married to gay men and want them to stay with them or force them to stay married to them. Register and post as a “woman” if you want to read it, it’s pretty fcuked up! It’s borderline “ex gay” if you know what I mean.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/alternatepath/
It’s for bisexual men too but unlike gay men a bisexual man is actually sexually and romantically attracted to women and a marriage between a woman and a bisexual man can and does work.
I can’t say the same for a marriage between a gay man and a straight/Bi woman since they all wind up ending in divorce eventually even if there are children or money involved.
I’m glad I came out young, never married a woman and lived a lie or had a marriage of convenience. If you’re a gay man a marriage to a woman is a death trap! I can’t see how any gay man could actually be happy living a lie and forcing himself to stay married to a woman or have sex with a woman.
Patrick
@Lycas-I know of one woman who intentionally married a gay man.
She’s got the fcuked up notion that her husband must stay with her and they shouldn’t get a divorce ever. She’s brainwashed him to thinking that if he leaves her he’ll never find a partner at all or have it that good as he has with her, and she even forces him to have sex with her every so often which I’m sure makes him want to vomit.
They both have sex with other men on the side and I doubt he’s into using condoms since he’s a total bottom.
For some reason they still stay together even though he came out to her and their daughter a few years ago. Her husband a majorly closeted homo and just has quickies with other men while keeping his wife and “straight” status at home and to the public even though it’s very easy to tell he’s a total flamer. He’s so camp/feminine anyone with half a brain can tell that he’s gay but deeply closeted since he just came out at 50!
He worries about his reputation because he owns a business but he lives in a state where same sex marriage is publically accepted, performed in churches, and it’s completely legal!
I think he’s a pussy for staying, and she’s a cutn for making him stay and emotionally blackmailing him and manipulating him to stay married to her even though he’s gay and they both knew he was gay from the start yet got married anyway!
I found this yahoo group for women who are married to gay men and want them to stay with them or force them to stay married to them. Register and post as a “woman” if you want to read it, it’s pretty fcuked up! It’s borderline “ex gay” if you know what I mean.
hXXp://groups.yahoo.com/group/alternatepath/
It’s for bisexual men too but unlike gay men a bisexual man is actually sexually and romantically attracted to women and a marriage between a woman and a bisexual man can and does work.
I can’t say the same for a marriage between a gay man and a straight/Bi woman since they all wind up ending in divorce eventually even if there are children or money involved.
I’m glad I came out young, never married a woman and lived a lie or had a marriage of convenience. If you’re a gay man a marriage to a woman is a death trap! I can’t see how any gay man could actually be happy living a lie and forcing himself to stay married to a woman or have sex with a woman.
Aaron in Honolulu
I don’t have to like girls to understand that bisexuality exists…
jason
Max Campbell,
I totally agree. I think Americans have been so indoctrinated with porn’s bisexual double standard, they can’t think clearly. They seem to think that the female bisexuality-favoring paradigm of porn is a reflection of society when in fact it’s merely a reflection of the fact that sleazy male porn directors pay women to perform bisexual acts for the benefit of men.
Americans need to wake up to porn’s harmful influence on the perception of human sexuality.
Max Campbell
http://forum.adultdvdtalk.com/forum/topic.dlt/topic_id=157629/forum_id=1/cat_id=1/157629.htm
my question
Max Campbell
Greetings from Europe.
I would like to ask you a few questions.
First and most important one – Why AVN is so homophobic? Why did they make this ridiculous segregation of gay and a bi porn from main awards? Isn’t gay-sex adult enough?
It appears to me that «straight» porn industry imposes double standards on bisexuality and homophobia. «Straight» porn industry segregates and humiliates gay and bi guys and one of the obvious examples is creation of the ghetto as GayVN.
My friends, who are STRAIGHT girls, usually are watching only gay and bi porn. Because there are so many sexy guys there!
Could somebody tell me why the straight-porn doesn’t consider opinion of straight-girls?
Back to double standards, why female homosexual scenes are presented in straight-porn, but male homosexual scenes aren’t presented?!
Then let this genre be renamed to “Porn for straight men”. As of now this genre represents only male heterosexual interests.
Another question, why some envious “bisexual-women-for-pay” accuse gay porn performers that they spread AIDS? In most of gay movies actors use condoms. Probably “bisexual-women-for-pay” spread AIDS!?
Did anybody hear about Sigmund Freud? He has told that all people are born bisexual. Then why only women have right to be bisexual?
Why clever Greeks and Romans were bisexual and appreciated beautiful male body, but now men suppress their homoerotism and transform it to a homophobia.
What is the main reason for that? The crapping collection of fairy tales called Bible or hypocritical homophobic influence of “straight” porn industry?
Dave
@Lycas7x-They’re called closeted gay men or closet queens and marriages of convenience.
It takes two to tango and I know of one couple like this where the man stayed a closet case for decades and now that he’s come out as a gay man his wife is convinced that someday he’ll wake up and want her as a woman and be sexually attracted to her. It’s rather pointless and it’s never going to happen.
@Max Campbell-Not all straight women like bisexual male porn or gay male porn.
What we’d call being a gay man or a bisexual man today is very different than what the Romans and Greeks did.
In ancient societies such as Ancient Greece and Rome not every single man was bisexual. What we’d call Bisexuality was acceptable there but in both of these cultures men could not bottom for anal sex unless they wanted to be seen as weak or not really considered a man in those cultures.
Max Campbell
Dave, Teach Antiquity history. You tell delirium.
“Not all straight women like bisexual male porn or gay male porn.”
And it is very big problem. It is necessary to create a fetish “bisex guys for straight girls”.
And then we will receive carte blanche on publicity.
By the same analogy, as fake female bisexuality has made free female homosexual behavior.
Max Campbell
«straight» porn industry imposes double standards on bisexuality and homophobia. «Straight» porn industry segregates and humiliates gay and bi guys and one of the obvious examples is creation of the ghetto as GayVN.
Read more: http://www.queerty.com/why-doesnt-glaad-bust-porn-studios-for-marketing-trannies-and-she-males-20101209/#ixzz182EhDgvs
These standarts block male homoerotism(48% by A.Kinsey researches) and transform it to a homophobia.
Then let this genre be renamed to “Porn for straight men”. This genre represents only male heterosexual interests. Not Adult!
Homophobia is an artificial phenomenon. From the history we know a lot of civilizations (until Christianity and Islam) where male bisexuality was a norm.
Psychologists often will say that aggressive homophobia is because of the suppression of the own homoerotism. And I know many hetero-guys who drink alcohol and offer sex to gay-guys after that))))
Therefore everything that you write is ambiguously. And now porn continues to cultivate this stigmatisation.
GayVN as the Jewish ghettoes in nazi Germany and as a policy of a racial segregation in the USA (until 1964) and South Africa (until 1994). White people didn’t want that black people were with them in cafe, schools… It is hate!
Max Campbell
What we’d call being a gay man or a bisexual man today is very different than what the Romans and Greeks did.
_________________
I know that homosexual and heterosexual intercourse as socially were not equal there. I wanted to tell not about this.
I wanted to tell that homosex was widespread. It means that not only homosexuals want men. Straights\bisexuals\bi-curious guys sometimes too. But Auraamistic religions have identified “correct” masculinity with heterosexism.
Rob Moore
@Max Campbell: Auraamistic? I am not familiar with that word. I used Google to search for the word but nothing came up matching the context or spelling. Is this a reference to the related religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam? I am just curious.
Max Campbell
Rob Moore, yes it is.
Lycas7x
My buddy has a life of his own. He was ending a 12 year marriage and raised another’s children. He never really stopped loving his wife nor lessened his affection for women. We met in AA. He doesn’t want to quit. We have a difficult life. things will change