The Value Voters Summit, a three-day circle jerk for conspiracy theories sponsored by the Family Research Council, kicks off tomorrow. Among the bullet points Tony Perkins & Co. will go over?

How global warming is a farce! How Obama wants to murder grandma! And, king of all ridiculous arguments, how the gays are ruining America. Yes, still.

In fact, so concerned with homosexuals, attendees of VVS will be treated to more anti-gay rhetoric than any other subject. There will even be a special screening of Speechless: Silencing the Christians, the feel good lying movie of the year.

But wait. There’s more!

In addition to screening Speechless, the conference will also host two single-issue sessions about gay rights.

Focus on the Family Action Educational Analyst Candi Cushman will told a breakout session on countering the “homosexual agenda” in public schools on Saturday, September 19. Later the same day, a panel of conservatives will discuss why gay marriage threatens religious liberty.

No matter that, uh, it doesn’t.

And remember: All of America’s leading zealots will be there, so be sure to bring plenty of merch for them to sign. We want to see a signed Rep. Michele Bachmann t-shirt, people!

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