
A public question on the Facebook page ‘Gay and Fabulous’ this week has prompted over 450 answers.
“Knowing what you know now, what is one piece of positive advice you’d give your younger self?” it asked.
The answers came rolling in. Although such advice will always be subjective and influenced by one’s unique life experiences, the responses certainly provides food for thought.
“Stop being scared of what others think, you’ll grow personally and life will change for you,” was a well-liked offering from Nick Bynum.
“It is not your job to make other people happy. Look after yourself and the rest will follow,” was the powerful reminder from Timothy O’Keefe.
Related: Older gay gentlemen offer 15 life lessons to their younger gay counterparts
‘Health is wealth’
“Move back to your hometown two years earlier so you can spend more time with Mom before she passes away,” said David Reyes. “Get out of your long-term ‘relationships’ early. Neither are good for you. They’re hot, but it ends there,” before adding one final thought: “It’s ok to leave the party early.”
“Never ever, ever apologize for being yourself,” said Nick Woodbury. “Express yourself in ways that feel right to you and f*ck the haters”
“Health is wealth, don’t abuse it,” was another popular response, from Damian John Taylor.
“Believe in yourself fiercely and fearlessly,” offered Adam Jacob Lee, in a similar vein.
Gavin Tideswell warned against impatience: “Just wait. Don’t rush into every relationship, you’ll do yourself more harm than good. You will meet more people who think the world of you and you will be happy. It’ll take time but you’ll be so much happier if you wait.”
“You will always intimidate people with your authenticity. Lean into that,” said Jerod Lengacher. “There are ways of moving like water flows around stone, and only you decide who is worthy of your grace. Stay sharp.”
“You will get to where you need to be by just being you,” said William Dominic. “The people who truly love you will be there always, hold onto them. The other people that come and go, hold onto them while they’re around because they’re the lessons that help you grow.”
“Don’t stop being yourself just to please other people,” cautioned Indrajeet Sinh Chauhan. “Don’t let the words of insecure people hurt you.”
“Never try and live your life for others,” offered Sam West. “You live your life how you see fit. And never live in fear or shame. Don’t hideaway. And something my dear old Nanna used to say: This isn’t a rehearsal, you only get one shot at it. I so wish I’d followed all of this in my younger days. All them wasted years, missing out.”
Related: Awesome dad asks the internet for advice after seeing his teenage son kissing another guy in public
“Invest in Love. It starts with yourself and reverberates in how you treat others, and the universe does reward that. Love is energy and one of the only things you can control from which you give; so be mindful,” said Mason Williams.
‘Trust your gut’
“Never settle. You’re worth more than people know,” offered Roy Nairn.
“Trust your gut, try not to compare yourself to others, have more confidence and less hang-ups,” stated Dave Mallinson.
Many of the most-liked answers explored the benefits of living an authentic life and striving to be yourself, even when it feels hard. For anyone still in the closet, Steven Cowlishaw had simple advice to his younger self: “Don’t be afraid to come out sooner. You’ll feel much better in yourself for it.”
And some were a little more lighthearted.
“Always get a good haircut from a professional,” said Sara Mitchell. “Umm same goes for highlights. I have photographic evidence.” (she’s not wrong).
Anthony Paynter cryptically offered “It doesn’t hurt as much as you think.” We can’t imagine what he’s talking about!
So what would you tell your younger self?
Chrisk
One of my biggest regrets was not spending more time with my mom before Alzheimer’s hit her bad. She died in January of this year but in reality was already gone back in 2015. All I have now is memories and of course that fades.
Yes just be yourself. We’re all beautiful in our own unique ways. Don’t try to be someone or something you’re not. Were not all meant to be Channing Tatem.
Surround yourself with only those that love you. I wasted so many years of being around toxic people.
Health is truly wealth. Can’t take any of this shit with us and money won’t buy you a single more day. I compromised my long-term health over stupid shit like drugs and hooking up with shady people. That shit will follow you till the day you die.
Heywood Jablowme
awwww, Chrisk, that’s beautiful. My mom died recently too. And I wasted some time with drugs & toxic people.
You are my favorite commenter here. I don’t think you’re a passive-aggressive phony! (quoting someone, lol).
Chrisk
Thank you!
Yes clearly some don’t like my opinions but oh well. I usually don’t bother reading their tired copy and paste pseudo intellectual screeds anyways. 😉
Prax07
When I was in 8th grade we had a class trip to NYC, went to the trump tower. Saw Trump walking out with Iman. I’d tell my younger self to run up and kick him in the nuts as many times as possible. And to Never ever date a guy named Justin.
wikidBSTN
Prax07 – best response of all 🙂
wikidBSTN
I would say to my young self – don’t waste time with unrequited love. Know the difference between a chase and being foolhardy.
Cam
I’d tell my younger self to be less tolerant. Just kill people who cross you, it’s the best way to live.
Heywood Jablowme
This is brilliant – is this is the “real” Cam or the parody Cam? Hard to tell!
Cam
@Cam @Heywood Jablowme
Once again, troll, you KEEP posting under all of the stolen posts under this screename. You kept trying to claim this screename wasn’t a troll, yet you keep exposing it. You may as well just go back to posting under your MissTerri screenames.
But what I love even more. Is that the right wing troll account is so obsessed with me, that it is only focusing on stealing my screename rather than posting it’s typical anti-LGBTQ bigoted B.S. or post after post crying whenever one of the Trump’s is mentioned.
Your troll game is still sad and weak, Melania was still an ineffective, unqualified, liar as a first lady, and Ivanka is still a criminal.
Heywood Jablowme
I’ve never posted anything pro-Trump here. I’ve never “defended” anyone making pro-Trump posts here. I have no idea how anyone “steals” a screen name. (I’m guessing Cam means someone guessed his password? So why doesn’t he just change the password? WTF?)
Cam probably just thought of the “steal” as an attention-getting stunt. But it’s true: while Cam is obsessed with all this new drama he obviously has much less time to post as Miss Terri and rural queer socialist and argue with “himself.” So that’s a plus!
sceunazhel
Thank you David Hudson for this article! This intergenerational sharing of knowledge is crucial. As a 21-year-old, I’ve been just starting to realize the continuity of our (queer) experiences.
SeanF
My advice to younger me: Long distance relationships are not relationships. Half of the value of Music school is connections you make, not the music content. You were right about that political science degree, you didn’t need it.
MynameisSid
The stock photo of the “older gay” is a guy that’s maybe 30. No wonder we all hate ourselves
elemirion
Don’t stay in bad situations to please others or because its what you know, don’t be afraid to jump out of your comfort zone. Dump toxic relationships fast, including family who don’t appreciate you. Love fully, don’t be afraid to look silly, you’ll like life so much better! Ignore what the masses say, and don’t take jobs that force you to be someone you aren’t!
inoroutdoor
I would tell my teenage self, you are not alone. Being gay is natural. Seek out others to learn and grow. Join the community.
CityguyUSA
We don’t choose to be hated by most of society but it has an affect on how we perceive ourselves in our lives. You can’t just say I won’t be this way and be different. It’s not that simple.
Hillers
Two words: less meth.