More and more people say they value intelligence over all other qualities in a potential partner.
A sapiosexual is less concerned about person’s physique or the size of the bank account, and is instead interested in how many books they’ve read or what sort of advanced degrees they hold.
According to an article by the Daily Mail:
Many dissidents of the term equate it directly with a pretentious–or even ableist–attitude. Others agree that while you can be turned on sexually by intelligence, sapiosexuality describes more of a ‘lifestyle’ than an orientation.
In a recent interview, a group of anonymous, self-identifying sapiosexuals opened up with Cosmopolitan about sapiosexuality.
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“Being sapiosexual means that it’s really hard for me to have one night stands,” Man A explains. “Generally speaking, I’m not really sexually interested in someone until I’ve seen that ‘spark’ in their personality.”
“The inability to converse in an intellectually stimulating way is a major turn-off,” Man B adds. “I want someone who can discuss with me the relationship between diglossia and social inequality, or who can explain why the cause of my leg pain might actually be pressure on the sciatic nerve in my back.”
“If I find a person physically or otherwise attractive, but they seem stupid, I lose all attraction,” Man C says.
Related: Ten Sexual Orientations Besides Gay, Straight Or Bi To Round Out Your Sexicon
All the sapiosexuals agree that they can determine whether someone is smart enough for them “in the first 10 minutes” of meeting. And when asked if they would ever break up with someone who wasn’t “smart enough,” here’s what they had to say:
“I don’t think I would ever commit myself to someone who isn’t intelligent enough for me,” Man A proclaims.
“I would never date them in the first place,” Man B adds.
“I’d like to think I wouldn’t let a relationship drag on if I’m not entirely attracted to someone,” Man C replies.
In a recent Reddit thread on the topic, one critic of sapiosexuality writes, “I’ve never met an actually-smart person who uses that term.”
This prompted someone else to reply, “Or an attractive one.”
The idea that all sapiosexuals are unattractive is not uncommon. In fact, when asked by Cosmo what the greatest misconception people seem to have about sapiosexuals, Man A replies, “I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that sapiosexuals are ugly.”
Man C agrees. “[People think] that we’re all nerds,” he says. “I like to think I’m pretty cool.”
We’re curious. Would you date a sapiosexual? Take our poll below, and share your thoughts in the comments section…
barkomatic
Sapiosexual? What garbage. This sounds like an attempt to repackage plain old arrogance into a sexual orientation.
Prax07
Probably wouldn’t. Already dated a college professor that thought he was smarter than everyone else, and he was insufferable at times. Intelligent guys are great, but being a snob about it, no thanks.
Terrycloth
They are usually snobbish and quick to correct you at every turn because they feel Superior..I know a few …party poppers. They get dull and boring quick ..they know a lot about everything but nothing about casual conversation it bores them
NateOcean
You said “poppers”. A sapiosexual would probably correct you. hehehe
Captain Obvious
Anyone else annoyed how the “no labels” crowd has literally created hundreds of labels in under 10 years time?
ErikO
Yup and a lot of them are just other terms for being gay/lesbian, or bisexual, or they use them wrong like the term pansexual. There are people who apparently are pansexual but they have sex with animals and do other illegal and wrong sex acts, google Alton Coleman and you will find someone who actually is pansexual and who was thankfully executed.
MikeE
ErikO: what the heck are you talking about? There’s absolutely nothing in the Coleman case that relates even remotely to the concept of pansexuality, or bestiality. He was a rapist and murderer, whose victims were all women. Where do you get “pansexual” and “sex with animals” from that?
Heywood Jablowme
@MikeE:
Poor ErikO, he had sex with a pan… while cooking!… it was a bad accident, just awful… he’s been hurting ever since.
Lvng1Tor
Understanding and identifying is not the same as labeling. The idea behind the no labeling thing is to allow people to define themselves and not have one forced upon them because of some preconceived stereotype.
and…ErikO, yeah, no…that is not what “pansexual” means in the least. But apparently, you are too lazy to google it yourself or a troll so I see no reason to engage you further.
Lvng1Tor
But yeah, let’s face it…the guys in this article are just self-centered, “Look at me, I have my own unique sexuality too but it’s really just another excuse for my need to prove I’m superior to everyone else. Which I am!”
am_psi
I feel like this is a thing for insecure guys who want to explain why they’re not with a 10. Meanwhile if a hot guy came along and wanted a blowjob I bet most of these queens would hit the floor so fast they’d break their kneecaps.
ChrisK
Wow. Just re branding of douchebags.
KaiserVonScheiss
Probably just stuck up idiots. No thanks.
UrbanTheory
The descriptions that were used to define sapiosexuality come off as arrogant and extreme, but don’t many people use intelligence as one of many characteristics in finding a mate? It’s interesting that so many appear to accept physical features as the ultimate characteristic for dating, but for many people, a physically hot person who cannot connect on an intellectual level would be a deal breaker for a long term relationship. The same people who call those who might reject a physically attractive person because of perceived lack of intelligence as snobby or a stuck up might be called superficial or vapid by others.
Donston
Preferring someone who you can have solid conversation with and not being about one night stands is now a faux-orientation? lordy.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
Anyone that calls themselves that isn’t actually smart. So no.
NateOcean
I like sapiosexuals. Mostly because you can fuçk their brains out.
inbama
Just what we need – another damn letter.
LGBTQIAS
RIGay
A whaaaaat?
I am really tired of this crap. And it any wonder the GOP is able to successfully, systematically challenge constitutionally protected HUMAN rights when we can’t stop trying to segment and isolate our own population?
I think a line of Drag Queens from the Village need to bitch-slap these idiots.
Donston
This is mostly a reaction to homosexuality (and even bisexuality) becoming “basic” and “passe”, while the stigma around homosexuality and the “gay lifestyle” remains more prominent than ever. Many people, particularly narcissists, are in a state of always looking for ways to individualize themselves and define themselves, and sexuality is one of the biggest ways to do that. Ultimately, as I’ve said many times before, ego and sociology can often play as big of a role in sexual behavior and sexual identity as orientation.
This nonsense just sounds like a self-parodying trend. There’s no special name that needs to be made for wanting to date someone with smarts and wit. No one will know what this word is a couple years.
queermarek
AMEN! at this rate every individual difference will have to become an orientation, diluting the meaning of actual, hard wired orientations to nothing. I agree with Donston, this smacks of narcissism. Why do we insist on creating problems by these faux labels? This is why the right wing thinks of all of us as “snowflakes” sipping lattes in our skinny jeans and whining about how misunderstood and superior we are.
Mo Bro
Only if his brain gets hard when turned on.
Heywood Jablowme
That’s just atherosclerosis – “hardening of the arteries” in the brain – LOL.
Heywood Jablowme
Finally, all the commenters are united on an issue!
Can we just shorten it to “Sap”? Would you date a Sap? NO!
DCguy
The desperation in this article is so sad it’s embarrassing.
It’s amazing, we can all fight and argue about politics and Trump etc… but give us an article about pretentious douchbags and we all hold hands and sing Kum Ba Ya in agreement. lol
yaletownman
I’m married to a man who is very intelligent, educated and well read but he’s not arrogant or condescending. He works in an industry that requires these qualities and what I’ve found is that some people are just smart and naturally attracted to the intellectual but for some it’s just another way to prop up a damaged ego and feel a false sense of superiority. The best relationships I’ve had are people with heart intelligence. Heart intelligence isn’t always based upon being intellectually brilliant. A guy can be gorgeous and have it. A guy can be average and have it. It’s an intelligence that reveals who the person really is and is something that transcends all the other things we tend to value on the surface.
dean089
I’m so tired of all these labels. It’s ridiculous.
DavidIntl
The article is a bit silly, and the term as well, but yes, I have dated a couple of guys in the past who would surely embrace that ‘sapiosexual’ label. One in particular was a really great guy, with degrees from Harvard and Oxford – and handsome enough that he had done some work as a model while at Oxford. The sexual relationship was OK, but nothing exceptional. But the intellectual relationship was fantastic. That was one of the best periods of my dating life, actually.
karl61058
An old saying might be used here; Whatever trips you trigger.
And besides who are we to judge another person about what makes them do anything…within reason?
Donston
I don’t think you understood the point of the article or the majority of the comments.
DannX68
I don’t think of myself as sapiosexual, I am well capable of one night stands, but I also lose all interest if the guy can’t hold a conversation. He could be good-looking as all hell, but if there isnt a spark of intelligence, all sexy time is a no no.
Chris
The old saying goes: looks fade with time.
Has anyone noticed that, with time, everything else fades as well?
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crumb bum
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charlie_jackpot
This is a load of balls – you can be interested in someone’s intellect, but above all else? I call bologne! This is just the same as when on all the dating sites they starting using Briggs Myers – it’s just a way of making yourself stand out from the crowd, when all you really want is to get laid