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  Looking Forward, 2014

Full Speed Ahead: The Hottest And Most Embarrassing Trends Of 2014

How could life possibly get better following the Year of Miley Cyrus?

2013 introduced some crazy new trends. From twerking to jerking, triumphs and setbacks marked each day in history as one of the best. We saw progress at home, violence abroad (and sometimes violence at home and progress abroad), shirtless selfies, new celebrity couples, old celebrity hags, too many new albums to count and not enough straight dudes kissing.

It’s good to look back, but it’s m0re fun to look forward. What will 2014 give us that 2013 couldn’t? (The sound of the fox, perhaps?)

Here’s what we think will be so hot (and so over) in the coming year:

brazil-russia

HOT: Brazil
NOT: Russia

All eyes will be on Brazil next year as the 2014 FIFA World Cup draws thousands of spectators and exotic men in bikini to the Amazonian city of Manaus. Count on hundreds of new photos of footballers being unintentionally homoerotic and even more photos of the first LGBT couples married in the country’s capital—Brazil is expected to become the largest South American country to legalize same-sex marriage next year.

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Russia, on the other hand, will continue to strip LGBTs of civil rights and ban those who promote tolerance. If anything good can come out of this hell hole next year, it’ll be the groundbreaking coverage of a volatile political atmosphere that sparks a revolution.

drag-denial

HOT: Men in drag
NOT: Men in denial

Stick a pipe in it, America! Men in drag will be infiltrating pop culture in record numbers next year, and no amount of Twitter shade is going to stop it. 2014 will be the year Neil Patrick Harris makes his drag debut, RuPaul’s Drag Race will air its greatest season yet, and the bug inspiring straight men to wear wigs will become more contagious.

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To balance the excess of men in touch with their feminine side, men out of touch with reality will become yesteryear’s news. Men who deny their sexuality are so over, and their careers will soon follow suit.

beyonce-gaga

HOT: Secret no-hype album releases
NOT: Exhausting album release schedules

Beyonce changed the game in a massive way this year, dominating a fourth quarter filled with album releases by secretly dropping her fifth studio album (complete with 14 songs and 18 new videos) in the middle of the night without telling anyone.

beyonce-sweep

Lady Gaga waged war against Katy Perry with a desperate last-minute album release and infuriated the Billboard charts with some super shady tactics. Artpop became Artflop, Prism faded, (Did you even know One Direction came out with an album?) and Britney Jean just needed. to. stop. In 2014, let’s pause the hype and play the hits.

broadway-hedwig

HOT: Musicals on stage
NOT: Musicals on television

If there’s one thing to be learned from Carrie Underwood’s much-hyped role in NBC’s first-ever live musical production of The Sound of Music, it’s that Audra McDonald should play every character in every new musical the network is already planning to produce next year.

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Gotta love the big networks trying to force Broadway onto America, but sometimes, things like this are better seen live. 2014 will be a big year for Broadway, which boasts a new lineup of bona fide Broadway babes, Neil Patrick Harris in a wig, the revivals of Cabaret and Les Miserables, a brand new Disney classic, and Leighton Meester in the arms of Mr. Franco.

feminism-ageism

HOT: Feminism
NOT: Ageism

The feminist movement found a powerful voice in Lorde, the 16-year-old Kiwi pop star that shamed everyone from Miley Cyrus to Selena Gomez for setting women back this year. Couple her antics with Beyonce’s Feminist Manifesto, and we’d say it was a great year for the ladies.

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Seriously, everyone. It’s time to get over the age difference between Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black. You’ll happily watch intergenerational porn but clutch your pearls at intergenerational relationships? Theirs is not the first, and it certainly won’t be the last. Let’s all grow up.

gay-sex-straight-sex

HOT: Gay sex on TV
NOT: Straight sex on TV

Behold, the year of Gay Sex on Television! With the world rooting for a Modern Family hookup and more gratuitous nudity on Teen Wolf, gay sex on TV and in movies is getting more realistic than ever. HBO will start the year off strong with some “very beautiful, very emotional” time with out actor Jonathan Groff in Looking.

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Sorry the whole “sex on TV” thing didn’t work out for you straights. You should have known people wouldn’t tune in for something so gross.

vine-hot-guys

HOT: Hot guys on Vine
NOT: Racial stereotypes on Vine

Twitter’s six-second video sharing network quickly became the MVP of the app game shortly after guys with hot bodies became users. 2013 introduced us to John Mangum, Marcus Johns, Dem White Boyz and straight dudes humping rugs. Bless.

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The most annoying Vines made in 2013 usually began with something like “Asians be like…”, “Black girls be like“, or the ever-popular “When a white girl…” These actually weren’t funny at all in 2013, and they’ll be even more offensive in 2014.

king-queen

HOT: Ja’mie King
NOT: The Queen’s portfolio

Mean girls made a comeback this year with Aussie comedian Chris Lilley’s third contract with HBO, pulling the hilarious Ja’mie King out of Summer Heights High and into her own primetime slot with Ja’mie: Private School Girl. All hail the queen of quiche.

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Though the United Kingdom has lost a considerable amount of land through a century of decolonization, the old empire’s wretched grip on homophobia still remains. Of more than 21 territories once ruled by the United Kingdom, only three have decriminalized sodomy, and 2014 promises to be a tough year for marriage equality abroad as Australia and India regress.

guys-kissing

HOT: Straight guys making out
NOT: Straight guys “wishing” they were gay

Our evil plan is working! Homosexuality was successfully contracted by a number of heterosexual celebrities in 2013, including noted heterosexual James Franco, GQ Germany, Andrew Garfield and even Harry Styles!

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Now that they’re kissing, zero attention will be given to straight celebrities that pander for fans by “wishing” they were gay. Put a sock in it, James Franco, James Deen, and Simon Cowell.

selfies-twerking

HOT: Celebrity selfies
NOT: Celebrities twerking

Here’s to more shirtless celebrity selfies in 2014! This year introduced us the beautiful bodies of Nick Jonas, Robbie Rogers and Tom Daley, as well as some NSFW selfies from Cheyenne Jackson, Josh Hutcherson and George Burgess.

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When it comes to twerking, everybody (except Dustin Zito) just needs to stop.


  • 11 Comments
    • Niall
      Niall

      If this and other Queerty articles are anything to go by, in 2014, sense is obviously NOT.

      Jan 7, 2014 at 1:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Artsenyc
      Artsenyc

      On Tom (dady issues) Daley and DLance (Peter Pan complex) Black…We are not talking about a 30y old and a 50y old. The boy is barely a legal teen… There is a difference… And is call Ephibophilia or as the urban dictionary calls it a pedophile with a thesaurus.

      Jan 7, 2014 at 2:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • cmhbuck
      cmhbuck

      I actually thought the white girls say videos were hilarious. Sorry, girls.

      Jan 7, 2014 at 5:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimy9992000
      jimy9992000

      @Artsenyc: I registered with this site just to say I love you.

      Jan 7, 2014 at 10:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tcolors
      Tcolors

      It sickens me when people praise a 39 yr old sleeping with a 19yr old. It’s not the age difference it’s the fact the Tom Daley, now 19 was 18 when it started. The kid still lives with his mother who is the same age as Dustin. It’s a sad state of affairs when people condone such behavior. Just watch all the teen boys being taken advantage of now because people like you say HEY it’s cool to be 18 and sleep with someone old enough to be your DAD!

      Jan 8, 2014 at 12:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • cmhbuck
      cmhbuck

      A person is legally an adult at 16 in Australia. So, Daley is now 3 years into adulthood. If the two of them have that spark, feel passionately about each other, and care about each other’s well being, I think the ages take a very distant backseat. Age is just a number when you take into account the very deep feelings they have for each other.

      It’s not pedophilia, as the following sentence from the wiki on Ephibophilia demonstrates: “However, the term pedophilia is commonly used to refer to any sexual interest in minors below the legal age of consent, regardless of their level of physical or mental development.”

      PS If this is just a sex thing, then, okay, Artsenyc, you have a point and I withdraw my dissent.

      Jan 8, 2014 at 1:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Caleb in SC
      Caleb in SC

      @cmhbuck: Well, considering DLB has been through 4 very young guys in the past five years, I’m not thinking there is much more than sex on his part. I just hope he does not mentally scar Tom Daley.

      Jan 8, 2014 at 2:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • unbiasedparrot
      unbiasedparrot

      @Caleb in SC:…care to share the receipts?

      Jan 8, 2014 at 4:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Callum
      Callum

      Seriously, what is it with Britain-bashing all of a sudden? Seriously, you make it sound like we’re still writing their laws. Get over it, for fuck’s sake.

      Jan 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dougmc92
      dougmc92

      sex is one thing- a relationship is another!

      Jan 8, 2014 at 5:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • casey
      casey

      Looped moving snapshots are not hot, they’re annoying.

      Jan 9, 2014 at 9:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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