thank you gays!

15 times straight people “columbused” gay culture

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Three-panel image. In the far left panel, a cardboard orange box on a store shelf reading "Metamucil on-the-go. 4-in-1 fiber." In the middle panel, a close up of singer Calum Scott with piercing blue eyes looking up. He has a blonde beard. In the far right panel, a redhead girl wearing pink fuzzy bunny ears poses next to a blonde girl smiling in a red dress. They both hold up fruity cocktails for a toast.

Oh, to have been an explorer sailing the ocean blue in 1492… thinking you’ve discovered something new.

That’s right! We’re talking about Christopher Columbus whose “discovery” of America changed the country as we know it –– and gave us “columbusing.”

According to NPR, the term is used to describe “when you ‘discover’ something that’s existed forever. Just that it’s existed outside your own culture, nationality, race or even, say, your neighborhood.”

It’s a phenomenon that brings to mind a recent story from an Australian publication which reported that “People are shocked to discover how popular Carly Rae Jepsen is with men” after a photo of the crowd (filled with gays, naturally) went viral on social media.

While many heterosexual people don’t know CRJ outside of “Call Me Maybe,” she’s been an LGBTQ+ pop icon since at least 2015’s Emotion.

And this is just an example of how “columbusing” highlights the gaps between LGBTQ+ and straight culture.

However, it’s far from the only time that heteros have shown up late to the party, co-opted something invented by the gays, or learned our secrets.

Here are 15 times the straights stole, borrowed, co-opted, or at least “columbused” gay culture…

1. When New York Times discovered fiber supplements

A store shelf filled with orange boxed products and pill bottles all reading "Metamucil." Each label mentions something about fiber from "4 in 1 fiber" to "Fiber thins" and the shelf is well stocked.

Who spilled?! The New York Times recently reported on the rise of “psyllium husks” (a.k.a. digestive aids) as a solution for straights looking to curb their irritable bowel syndrome and regulate their appetite. According to the outlet, the rising trend has caused Metamucil sales to grow “by double-digit percentages over the last several years.”

However, the LGBTQ+ community has been on the Metamucil train. The fiber drug has become an essential part of helping gays stay regular –– and ready –– for intercourse. (Troye Sivan even says taking it helps “[keep] him gay.”) These straights better not drive up the prices!

2. The hetero Shark Tank couple who thought they invented poppers

We all know that straight woman who tried poppers at a gay club once… and made it her entire personality.

However, Chelsea and John Pinto may have her beat with BoomBoom Nasal Sticks, a product they pitched to the rich on ABC’s Shark Tank in 2018. These inhalers –– referred to as a “new best friend for your nose” –– create a “cooling, tingly sensation that makes you feel alive” when inhaled in both nostrils. So, basically poppers? Oof, they really thought they did something.

If that wasn’t telling enough, apparently their most popular flavor is Tropical Rush. (Cue the Troye Sivan!) The duo didn’t end up snagging a deal, but here’s hoping they’ve at least hired a LGBTQ+ consultant.

3. Kidz Bop covering “Padam Padam”

Not even Mother Minogue is safe.

There’s no good reason why Kidz Bop Kids –– the omnipresent, family-friendly cover group comprised of literal children –– should be desecrating our 2023 gay anthem like this. And if those grating vocals weren’t bad enough, their rendition features cringeworthy lyric changes like “Padam, you smile and we pose” and “I know you wanna say hello.”

First off, who asked for this?! It’s hard to imagine “Padam Padam” was on any straight parent or child’s radar before the release. All we ask is that they stay the hell away from the rest of Tension.

4. A whole show devoted to the very gay art of lip syncing

“The time has come for you to lip sync for your life.”

Although drag culture and RuPaul’s Drag Race did not invent the art of lip syncing, they certainly perfected it. However, that didn’t stop the straights from “discovering” the lip sync battle premise and running with it… on a show literally called Lip Sync Battle.

The Spike series premiered in 2015 –– six years after Drag Race‘s 2009 launch –– and featured celebrities duking it out in elaborate performances with costumes, reveals, and big-budget sets. (Now I wonder who gave them that idea?)

We couldn’t even get a queer host to add perspective, although LL Cool J and Chrissy Teigen tried their best. The silver lining? We did get to see Tom Holland wear a dress and tights to perform “Umbrella.”

5. Kim Kardashian discovers jockstrap culture

OK, sure, we can debate whether tops are allowed to wear them and if they’re the supreme form of underwear. But there’s no denying that jockstraps belong to the men –– and mostly gay ones at that.

Yet, that didn’t stop Kim Kardashian from sporting a jock –– and bleached brows –– on the cover of Interview magazine in 2022 like it’s a brand new fashion trend. (The cover story was appropriately titled “Kim Bares All.”) We’re looking for more allies… not athletic supporters.

So, please Kim, put the jockstrap down! The bottoms don’t need any more competition.

6. The “hetrification” of gay bars for bachelorette parties

A group of five young woman stand in a nightclub wearing fuzzy bunny ears, pink sashes that read "Hen Party" and smiling. They all hold up fruity cocktails to the camera and wear heavy makeup and fancy party dresses.

Listen, we all know that queer bars play the best music, serve the strongest drinks, and are more fun overall. However, the rising number of straight women finding out about the gay club hype –– and arriving en masse for their bachelorette parties –– has gotten out of hand.

It got so bad that two researchers coined the term “hetrification” in 2022, explaining that “To come into queer spaces and actually believe that we live in a post-homophobic world is a kind of hostile occupation.” And while these ladies will sing to Cher and tip a drag queen, researchers found that “after several drinks, many may grab the butt of a cute gay man or take selfies in front of the leather daddies as if they were exhibits in some queer zoo.”

Sorry Tiffany, it’s time to find another place to party.

7. Eating ass

A zoomed-in image of a furry, yellow and pink peach, posed in the corner to resemble buttocks.

It used to be that “rimming,” “eating the booty like groceries,” or “analingus” (as the scientists call it) was reserved for the LGBTQ+ community. But in recent decades, ass-eating has gone mainstream, thanks to appearances in shows like Sex and the City and Girls, as well as iconic lyricism from Nicki Minaj: “He toss my salad like his name Romaine.”

And according to a recent study from Future Method, butt play is on the rise amongst Americans as a whole. Nearly 32% of straight people surveyed have tried giving, while around 37% have received. (However, gays still are in the lead with 73% of LGBTQ+ adults reporting they’ve been rimmed and 71% saying they’ve done the rimming.)

It wasn’t that long ago that all anal activities were considered taboo, but let us not forget that straights have the gays to thank for this delicacy. Maybe it’s a good thing they’ve discovered Metamucil?

8. Straight guys pumping iron to Gaga

Hey gym bros, 2008 called and ask “Where the heck have you been?!”

In a truly bizarre turn of events, Lady Gaga became the go-to soundtrack for straight dudes this year as they pumped iron on #GymTok, the TikTok subcommunity devoted to gains, whey protein, and powerlifting. These men are blasting hardstyle remixes of bops like “Judas” and “Government Hooker” while flexing, writing captions like “This is what a Lady Gaga fan looks like.”

Still, perhaps the gays will be willing to share Mother Monster with the cishet male community –– as long as they agree “You and I” is a masterpiece.

9. When they ignored this queer allegory in The Matrix

A powerful choice is presented in The Matrix: maintain the status quo with the blue pill or open your eyes to the truth with the red one. But recently, the idea of “red-pilling” has been co-opted online by conservatives, men’s rights groups, and conspiracy theorists, using the concept to spread vitriol against the LGBTQ+ community.

It’s just a little ironic considering the sci-fi hit was written by transgender sister duo The Wachowskis, who had not yet transitioned when they made the film. And as Lilly Wachowski told Them, there’s a “burbling transness simmering below everything” in the movie.

“The idea of transformation, even the whole ‘My name is Neo, Mr. Anderson –’ that idea of claiming identity, it’s undeniable,” she explained. Alright, everyone say, “Thank you, queer people!”

10. Ugh… James Corden in The Prom

James Corden, wearing a red bandana around his neck and a dark blue sweater, sits in a blue bus seat as green woods are pictured outside the window. The image is a still from the movie 'The Prom.'

Sorry for bringing this up –– again. But we can’t talk about “columbusing” gay culture without mentioning James Corden’s take on an effeminate Broadway queen in Netflix‘s 2020 adaptation of The Prom. Is there anything novel or non-stereotypical about his role? Critics called the performance “insulting,” “the worst gay-face” and “horrifically bad.” And those were the nice ones!

His casting was especially disheartening considering the entire musical is about a young queer girl who wants to bring her girlfriend to prom. Maybe next time, we don’t have to reinvent the wheel?

11. “Yass!”

In 2017, “yas” was added to the Oxford English Dictionary, signifying the final step of its integration into hetero culture.

Although Ilana Glazer and that Lady Gaga fan helped popularize the term, its origins date back to ’80s ballroom culture where queer people of color used it as “an exclamation that acted as encouragement –– a message of support and inclusion.”

Now, everyone from the Taco Bell Instagram account, to your cousin’s husband who works in accounting is using it. Discussions around cultural appropriation and who should be using the term are widespread across the internet, but “yas” has almost become too powerful to be stopped. Y’all just better recognize where it came from!

12. “Submissive and breedable”

This is why we can’t have nice things. Somehow, “submissive and breedable” turned into a meme after a viral tweet encouraged dudes to “Normalize platonically telling your bros they look submissive and breedable.”

OK, so LGBTQ+ people don’t have a trademark on these words –– nor their pairing –– but there’s an inherent homoeroticism to the phrase… which is used rampantly in gay adult films. Thankfully, it seems that the meme, which originated in June 2021, is dying down. But we’ll never be able to forget the number of straight guys who used it as “an absurd term of endearment.”

13. Kurt and Blaine on Glee

Average klainer stan
byu/harveyquinnz inglee

Alright, this “fan girl for equality” likely has her heart in the right spot. And on top of that, Kurt and Blaine’s relationship on Glee in the 2010s provided much-needed LGBTQ+ visibility for an entire generation.

Still, referring to these characters as “my gays” –– and the need to bring fandom into the fight for equality to empathize with real people –– reeks of fetishization. Moreover, she certainly wasn’t the only heterosexual woman obsessed with the “Klaine” relationship at a questionable level. Thankfully, more authentic queer representation onscreen has helped the divide in recent years.

That being said, we’d love to hear her thoughts on Saltburn.

14. The 2019 Met Gala

For the fashionable and fanatical, there’s no bigger event than the Met Gala. Still, the high-dollar outfits at the 2019 event –– themed “Camp: Notes on Fashion” –– left a lot to be desired. They heard the word one time and just went with it!

OK, so “camp” is a bit of a nebulous concept. But any LGBTQ+ person raised on campy classics like Rocky Horror Picture Show, Hairspray, and But I’m a Cheerleader could’ve done better than a gold dress. (Sorry, Karlie Kloss.) Next time, leave the camp to John Waters… or at least Lady Gaga whose fashion transformation stole the show.

15. “Dancing On My Own” by Robyn

“Dancing On My Own” by Robyn is a certified gay bop… but queer singer Calum Scott’s slowed-down cover somehow began a rallying anthem for heterosexual baseball fans.

It all started when the Phillies began using Scott’s rendition as their victory song in 2022. Although they ditched the track after losing the World Series, the team (and their fans) demanded its return this year: “Play the f*cking song!” The boost in profile led to Scott’s cover hitting 1 billion streams on Spotify. And while Scott certainly understands the track’s importance as a gay man, there’s no denying it loses some context when blasting through the speakers at a baseball game.

At least we still have the original version from Robyn (which has 315-plus million streams) as our little gay secret.

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