Celebrity memoirs usually wind up in one of three categories: They’re either narcissistic ego-strokefests that reveal nothing beyond the author’s misguided notion that everything they do is fascinating (picture the upcoming Selfish, which features “the selfie photography of Kim Kardashian”), or prevaricating accounts of one’s rise to fame that conveniently omit or reinvent details in an attempt to soften the scandal that we bought the book to read about (Traci Lords’ Underneath It All), or fabulously dishy name-dropping exposés in which everything you’ve ever fantasized knowing about a beloved diva is revealed in an honest (and, if we’re lucky, deliciously bitchy) way.
We’re hoping Jennifer Lopez’s True Love falls into the latter category. And if the excerpts shared by The Huffington Post are any indication, this could turn out to be the fasten-your-seatbelts read of the year. The book promises to provide details of the superstar’s biggest challenges and fears, as well as “hard-won lessons and heartfelt recollections and an empowering story of self-reflection, rediscovery, and resilience.”
Oh, and she sets the record straight on her various romantic relationships, admitting a common thread: “They all had a passionate intensity that I mistook, every time, for my happily ever after.” She talks about Ben Affleck (the breakup from whom she calls “my first real heartbreak”), over-the-top gestures of love from boyfriends (like “buying me a Bentley or two”), being mistreated by people she’s given her heart to (“I’ve never gotten a black eye or a busted lip, but I’ve been in relationships where I have felt abused one way or another”), and how she’s finally learned the difference between love and passion (“I never stopped to consider just how special my love was”).
News of this sure-to-be-a-page-turner has us wishing more of our favorite divas would take the time to expose their inner thoughts to us.
So much has been written about the Queen of Pop that it’s high time she tell us directly what’s fact and what’s fiction. Did Sean Penn really truss her up like a turkey on New Year’s Eve? How does she feel about Swept Away? And why is it that every time she does something ill-advised (calling Obama a Muslim, the Sex book), her excuse is that she was being “ironic.” Second choice: A Mommie Dearest from one of her kids.
There is so much we need Barbra to clarify. Was she really “more than friends” with President Clinton? Was she or wasn’t she responsible for Anne Francis’s dwindled role in Funny Girl? Plus it would be interesting to hear out-of-school tales of some of the men she’s rumored to have trysted with, like Omar Sharif, Liam Neeson and Ryan O’Neal.
Considered one of pop music’s least controversial stars, the Australian diva must have some juicy tidbits for us. If not — even if her biggest regrets are hairstyles and the most scandalous thing she’s done is lip-sync during her performance in the 2010 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (which she copped to on Twitter) — a book on Kylie by Kylie would still be an interesting read. At the very least she could tell us what über hottie Michael Hutchence was really like or explain her rumored affair with Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Granted, Diana Ross did write a memoir (1993’s Secrets of a Sparrow), but it wasn’t the salacious tell-all this diva deserves. Don’t you want to know what really happened with Mary Wilson in the Supremes, or what she thought of
Beyoncé’s performance of her in Dreamgirls? Please, Miss Ross: Set yourself free, why don’t you, babe?
Okay, not a diva in the traditional sense, but arguably a gay icon nonetheless. And if you’ve ever heard him interviewed, you’ll know this guy is surprisingly well spoken, regardless of what his porn performances have led you to believe. In addition to needing the use of a stunt penis in early movies, did you know he’s reported to be a smart businessman, the father of porn merchandise, and that he released a country music EP? Rumor has it he’s been working on a book for years. Let’s hope he finishes it. This guy definitely has a story to tell.
While the gruesome spectacle of her marriage to (and messy divorce from) David Gest could probably fill an entire book, I would also want to know about Peter Allen, the making of Cabaret, and the bodyguard who claimed she repeatedly sexually assaulted him. Oh, and then there’s her famous mother. Granted, Liza has always been generous with anecdotes about Judy, but there’s always room on our plate for more. A true survivor, the story of Liza would surely be Hollywood melodrama at its finest.
Sadly, Judy did not write a memoir, so we’ll never know if the Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion, and Tin Man really tried to upstage her on the yellow brick road or if MGM’s weight loss demands were the actual cause of her lifelong addictions. Even more sad is that in the 1960s, the diva attempted a memoir by sharing her stories with a tape recorder. But evidently it took Judy a few drinks to open up, and a few drinks led to a few more, and then a bunch more. By the end of the tape, rather than dishing about Hollywood, she’s slurring and complaining about people she felt had ripped her off. “I want my money!” is an oft-repeated sentiment. She deserved so much better.
True Love by Jennifer Lopez is out Tuesday.