True confessions

Best way to tell your wife you’ve hooked up with other guys? Married men swap war stories.

A recent Reddit thread asks married men who have had sex with other men: How did you tell your wife you hooked up with another guy before meeting her?

User Massachussettss writes:

Married ‘straight’ couples. How did you tell your wife you had homosexual encounters? from bisexual

Let’s check out the responses…

“I also waited a while, and eventually in some random moment (there is never the right moment, just do it), expressed where I felt I was,” one guy writes. “If I had a chance to do it again, I would more strongly establish ‘love’ as the guiding hand in the conversation first, and use that as the sword to strike down the poison.”

He continues, “She doesn’t know what [being bisexual] means, has a lot of wrong ideas. Because of this, or even not because of this, she has tremendous insecurity about her own ability to be enough in the relationship. Fear of being hurt. Fear of being left. Fear of being lied to or deceived in the future.”

Related: Married man grapples with bisexual urges and being faithful to wife, seeks advice

Another man writes, “I told my now ex-wife I was having homosexual urges and she let me explore my sexuality with men. A couple years later we divorced.”

The man says he’s since entered into a relationship with another woman.

“I’m starting to have strong urges to sleep with men again and I don’t know how to, or even if I want to, broach the subject with her,” he writes. “We talked about my bisexuality when we first got together but we haven’t talked about it at all lately.”

“I could go the rest of my life without sleeping with another man and I can be happy,” he says, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I really miss and want to suck d*ck again.”

Related: Bi guys in opposite-sex relationships talk about desire for men

A third guy writes, “I met my now wife and she opened up about EVERYTHING to me, including her brief same sex experiences. And I never told her about my experiences or same sex attractions.”

Years later, he continues, he finally told her and “she was so pissed.”

He adds, “That was maybe four years ago. While it’s slowly been getting better, her trust in me isn’t what it was before all this. She feels I’ve lied through omission. I don’t regret coming out to her. That was a big relief for me. I regret not having my sexuality sorted out and being open to discuss with whom I would date.”

Related: Straight Men Are A Lot More Bisexual Than You Might Think

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23 Comments

  • Xzamilloh

    Had to go back up to see who wrote this…. wasn’t shocked at all.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      The Graham Cracker never disappoints.

  • BigG

    And people wonder why bisexuals have a bad rap. These men right here.

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      Ughhhh *psychologically interesting

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    The more psychological question is why you, Graham, would be trawling through “heteroflexible” forums in the first place.

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      *the more interesting psychological question

    • Heywood Jablowme

      That is indeed a very “psychological question” and I think you should ask Graham’s hand.

    • Donston

      If it isn’t obvious as hell by now that Graham’s thing, and his only thing, is obsession with “experimenting” heteros and bi identifying men who have no real interests in being with a man. That, as well as pushing and supporting promiscuity and polygamy. He’s a prime example of why some “f@gs” (and many men in general) are so fvcked in the head, don’t mature and can’t make any real social and emotional progress.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Apologies. I may have imbibed

  • Herman75

    It’s as if there is shame in it.

    If a wife wants to know what you did before marriage, it could create a healthy dialogue, and prompt asking her the same thing. “You never touched your roommate in college? Did she want to touch you, and so on.”

    WTF is all the shame about and why is it a big deal. I had straight dudes that were attracted to me in college and sometimes wanted to play. It’s a fvcking normal thing guys do.

    • alanballs

      agree Herman75…I had the same experiences with str8 guys in college. it’s normal, frequent, liberating.

  • KaiserVonScheiss

    Or, better yet, don’t cheat.

    • Jaxton

      Cheating and bisexuality are not the same thing.

    • KaiserVonScheiss

      It’s generally cheating if you’re married. Duh.

  • Jaxton

    It’s none of her business what you did before you got married to her.

    Females like to own male sexuality. As a gender, they use sexual consent to control when sex happens, which is generally far less frequently than males naturally desire. At the natural level, females are mostly asexual, don’t forget.

    Male bisexualiyy empowers males over females, and that is why the stigma on male homosexuality is far greater than that on female homosexuality. It’s one of the conditions of a woman’s consent.

    • alanballs

      I agree with your comments….women often do use sex as weapons, and means of control.

    • Donston

      Please stop responding to your whole posts. That’s your lamest tactic.

    • Donston

      -whole *own

    • RomanHans

      Hey Brian. What’s up?

  • Paco

    “I don’t have romantic feelings towards men but love to suck d!ck.” Is code for –

    “I don’t want anyone to think I am a f@g.”

    • Donston

      That’s not always true. Many bi/fluid/queer/flexible etc identifying or behaving men don’t have legit or substantial sexual attractions to both men and women. And many homo and homo-dominant men aren’t turned on by penis. There are many people who turned on or aroused by body parts, or by masculinity or femininity, or simply have curiosities but are not sexually attracted to the entirety of both cis men and women.

      But yes, internalized homophobia, sociology, ego, fetish, etc still have great affects on many people’s sexual identity and “lifestyles”.

      If you don’t intend on sexually engaging with a man again, don’t have any real interests in men and lack any real sexual attraction then there’s no need to have to tell your wife you hooked up with a guy way by when. Although we need to get to the point when saying so isn’t a big deal and doesn’t mean you have to take on a “label”. We’re kinda getting there, but though social politics, self-rejection, homophobia and taking on “identities” that don’t belong to you still add a lot of mess to the equation.

      Also, yes, Graham is forever obsessed with men who don’t want to be with a man.

  • Jaxton

    Women hate male homosexual desire. As a segregated desire – ie segregated from the rest of society – it might not harm them but, as an integrated desire (as male bisexuality), it represents a clear and present danger to girl power.

    Girl power comes in several forms . One form is a woman’s ability to threaten or blackmail a man into doing as she pleases by using the sexual consent lever. Her man knows that he must keep her happy otherwise she will refuse to consent.

    Male bisexuality – in its unashamed form – allows men to bypass a woman’s ability to to use sexual consent to control his behavior. If he can unashamedly turn to men for his pleasure after being refused consent by a woman, he wins and she loses.

    Women also use bisexual hypocrisy to keep themselves in power. They encourage the idea that girl-girl is hot but guy-guy is gross in individuals who are also attracted to the opposite sex.

    Beware, beware, beware – it’s a known tactic of liberal women in particular.

    • Donston

      I’m gonna indulge your redundant rhetoric for a sec:

      First, most women who date bi/fluid/queer/pan/flexible identifying men tend to be Liberal in their politics. Most women who admit to being turned on by homosexual male behavior, encourage male-on-male sexual behavior, are a-okay with being with a bi-identifying man or are actively looking for bi identifying men to date tend to be Liberal leaning in their politics. Second, if a man wants to be a woman (no matter what his actual sexual attractions or desires or behaviors are) then she still retains plenty of “power”. If a man is obsessed with retaining hetero-normalcy (which most bi-identifying and bi-having men are) then the woman will always hold plenty of power. Whether the guy is gay or straight leaning in his inherent sexual attractions, or is driven more by fetish, or only has gay sexual attractions but still wants to date/have sex with women- if he wants to retain hetero-normalcy in his social and/romantic life the woman retains the “power”. It’s that simple. Third, men will never have any real sexual power over other men, unless we’re talking about old men dating young guys or gay men obsessed with straight-identifying men. Either way, men will never hold “sexual power” vs women for many psychological and sociological reasons.

      Your whole concept, as usual, lacks any nuance whatsoever.

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