A recent Reddit thread asks married men who have had sex with other men: How did you tell your wife you hooked up with another guy before meeting her?
User Massachussettss writes:
Let’s check out the responses…
“I also waited a while, and eventually in some random moment (there is never the right moment, just do it), expressed where I felt I was,” one guy writes. “If I had a chance to do it again, I would more strongly establish ‘love’ as the guiding hand in the conversation first, and use that as the sword to strike down the poison.”
He continues, “She doesn’t know what [being bisexual] means, has a lot of wrong ideas. Because of this, or even not because of this, she has tremendous insecurity about her own ability to be enough in the relationship. Fear of being hurt. Fear of being left. Fear of being lied to or deceived in the future.”
Another man writes, “I told my now ex-wife I was having homosexual urges and she let me explore my sexuality with men. A couple years later we divorced.”
The man says he’s since entered into a relationship with another woman.
“I’m starting to have strong urges to sleep with men again and I don’t know how to, or even if I want to, broach the subject with her,” he writes. “We talked about my bisexuality when we first got together but we haven’t talked about it at all lately.”
“I could go the rest of my life without sleeping with another man and I can be happy,” he says, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I really miss and want to suck d*ck again.”
A third guy writes, “I met my now wife and she opened up about EVERYTHING to me, including her brief same sex experiences. And I never told her about my experiences or same sex attractions.”
Years later, he continues, he finally told her and “she was so pissed.”
He adds, “That was maybe four years ago. While it’s slowly been getting better, her trust in me isn’t what it was before all this. She feels I’ve lied through omission. I don’t regret coming out to her. That was a big relief for me. I regret not having my sexuality sorted out and being open to discuss with whom I would date.”