Gay guys reveal the things other gay guys do that get them worked up (and not in a good way)

Sometimes other gays get us hot and bothered… and sometimes they just get us bothered.

In terms of the latter, dozens of Redditors had irritations to share on the r/AskGayMen forum this month when one person asked, “What do other gay guys do that annoys you, or that you find tasteless?” 

There were some one-off quibbles—e.g. using the 🥵 emoji too much, drinking “shitty wine,” and something called “the bear face.” But as the discussion continued, themes started emerging.

Here are some of those recurring topics, with comments tidied up for readability. 

Inappropriate touching

“Inappropriate touching. I had my crotch grabbed twice by the same guy on a night out a few weeks ago. I sort of know him socially, never had any idea he had a crush on me. He knows I am married, too. First time it didn’t register immediately, as I was in conversation. Second time it did, and it made me feel uncomfortable, so I left. I’ve had this happen a few times over the last couple of years. A guy came up to me outside a bar and touched my cheek on my face and said ‘handsome’ whilst my husband stood opposite me, and in the middle of a pandemic. Not cool. Read the room, gays!”

“Yeah, I hate that sh*t, the uninvited touching. I haven’t been to a gay club in over two years, but I was recently on vacation, so my partner and I decided to go out. I was working my way back from the bar with a couple of drinks though a crowded area and had multiple guys grab my ass, one even trying to shove his f*cking finger up my crack. If I wasn’t carrying two full drinks and unable to move… ugh, I was so pissed off.”

“[Being] too touchy at first meeting. I’m talking at a bar, not a date or hookup.”

Related:

Gay guys reveal the controversial reasons they swipe left on dating apps

“I’m dead wrong for this, but when their profile says ‘twink’ and they’re not.”

Categorizing and stereotyping

“The constant ‘top and bottom’ rhetoric. If you’ve found that you enjoy only doing one or the other, good for you! I’m glad that those labels exist for those who want them. But holy sh*t, it goes way too far sometimes. Turning it into a personality trait, defining others by it, acting like tops and bottoms are two distinct groups of people who fall into clear-cut categories, it’s getting f*cking old. I’m tired of being told I ‘must be a bottom’ because I’m short and soft-spoken. I’m tired of being told I ‘must be a top’ because I’m hairy and like going fishing. I’m tired of our community essentially creating gender roles 2.0 in relationships. Labels have their uses, but stop using them instead of your brain.”

“The categories in the gay male community. And if you don’t fit into any of them, then people aren’t interested. For example, I’m not skinny, short, or smooth enough to be a twink. I’m not muscly, so I’m not a gym bro. And I’m not beefy/stocky or hairy enough to be a bear. And I’m way too young to be a ‘daddy’. Sometimes it feels like we can’t be individuals anymore to be seen; you have to fit into a category. Quite frankly, I don’t want to be a twink, muscle gay, bear or ‘daddy,’ either.”

“I hate people who want to put me in a category with a passion. I mean, if you see yourself as a bear/twink/hunk/jock/etc., good for you! It’s simply not my case. Stop trying to push me into the ‘twink/femboy bottom’ category just because I’m trans. I’m neither femme nor bottom! Categories can be fun when they’re used lightheartedly, but there are too many gays who are way too serious about them. And yes, this includes top/bottom. Some people believe way too much in ‘bottom personality’ and ‘top personality,’ and it’s so annoying and sad.”

“Why is it that white gays are called twinks, jocks, otters, bears, etc., but black men are almost only described as black or defined by race? I can’t speak for Asian or Latino men, but I feel like they experience this as well. The categories are stupid, but I think this says a lot.”

“Assuming that since you also are gay that you are exactly alike.”

“Generalizing and treating groups of people like a monolith.”

Related: Gay Twitter™ is currently at war over whether total tops are actually total tops or just bottoms with IBS

Boundary-crossing

“The type of open couples that don’t respect monogamous marriages and instead view the opportunity as a conquest.”

“The fact that I can’t make any lasting gay male friendships, because it eventually turns out that they wanted to sleep with me the entire time and were just waiting for their moment to pounce on me, but I only ever saw them as friends. So, they end up ruining the friendship. And I don’t even think that I am attractive at all, so maybe they think that because I am ugly that I am easy, or something. I don’t know. I’m just bad at picking genuine people, I guess.”

“Pursuing straight men even though they know they are straight.”

“Being pushy when I’ve said no. This is a male thing, and it’s annoying.”

Related:

Guys reveal the point their open relationships would cross the line into cheating

When couples decide to be non-monogamous, they often lay down ground rules for their third-party playtimes.

Over-sexualization

“Saying hi on dating apps by sending literally just a picture of their assh*le to start with. Why do you think that would ever be a good choice as an opener?”

“Making things about sex. I just want hugs and cuddles.”

“Some guys act as if they are somehow owed sex. You talk to them about a potential hookup, and they start telling you how ‘there are too many time wasters,’ etc. While I’ve never canceled on anyone, I find that extremely off-putting, and I don’t think I could be relaxed enough to enjoy my time with someone with that sort of attitude.”

Bigoted behavior

“I hate how bigoted gay men can be because we think being gay somehow excuses it. Like, yes, I agree asses are hot, but I don’t agree about being racist.”

“Making racist or transphobic jokes.”

“Transphobic behaviors.”

“Telling me that my bisexuality is just being fake-straight”

“Unexplored internal homophobia. Coming out is only the first step—there is more work to be done, gentlemen. Please start.”

“Refusing to value anything that isn’t straight-looking, able-bodied and white. Refusing to acknowledge their participation in oppression while claiming to accept everyone.”

“The normalized femmephobia. ‘I’m a MAN who likes MEN. If I wanted to date a WOMAN, I’d be straight!’ Who cares if a member of our community plays with fashion and gender norms?! We’ve all got a limited time on this earth, and the homophobes aren’t going to make the distinction between femme or masc.”

Related: WATCH: Michael Henry knows the secret to masc/femme dynamics in relationships