Body talk

How this husky guy overcame his body image issues and learned to embrace his size

“The devil and the grave are never satisfied, and neither are we,” 28-year-old David tells Attitude UK in a frank new interview. “Of course, I’d love to be a muscled Adonis with a face fit for billboards, but then I wouldn’t be the person I am today.”

David recently participated in the magazine’s “Real Bodies” campaign, where he posed for pictures and discussed his struggle with accepting his huskier body type.

“It can be disheartening when all you see is half-naked hunks and sidebar of shame-esq stories of how ‘grotesquely overweight’ some poor soul half your size is,” David explains “but you have to detach yourself from that. It’s all just stuff and nonsense.”

Related: PHOTOS: See How This Photographer Turned His Body Image Issues Into Empowering Homoerotic Art

However, he says, apps like Grindr and SCRUFF certainly don’t make detaching oneself easy.

“The sheer nature of those apps means that people are judging the proverbial book by its cover before they’ve even had a chance to read the first page,” David says. “People tend to focus on what they don’t want rather than what they do, and more often than not it’s referring to physical appearance.”

But the pressure placed on gay men to have perfect gym bodies isn’t just frustrating. For many guys, it can have truly damaging consequences.

 

According to a recent report in Psychiatry Advisor, gay men are three times more likely to suffer from an eating disorder than their straight counterparts, and nearly 15% of all gay men have dealt with anorexia or bulimia at some point in their life.

Psychiatry Advisor reports:

These societal standards bleed over into a sexualized subculture that places a premium on muscularity and masculinity. It can be witnessed in the ads on popular gay men’s hookup apps like Grindr, where many profiles specify, “No Asians or Fems,” creating a tangible hierarchy of physical desirability. Whiteness, low-body fat, physical height, muscles, and masculine features are prized, while darker skin, slight stature, and feminine affectation are ridiculed.

David tells Attitude UK that it’s important gay men not buy into those unrealistic standards.

“I think it’s important to just embrace whatever state your body is in at this moment in time,” David explains. “I have been super slim, and I still had the same amount of insecurity as I did when I was bigger. No matter what shape your body is in, there will be things you want to change.”

He adds: “If you’re not happy with your body, do something about it, but don’t beat yourself up about having to be “perfect’.”

Related: This guy is sending a body-positive message by recreating iconic celebrity photos

Photo credit: Attitude UK

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20 Comments

  • walterhpdx

    Cue the calls from bitchy queens about how this is “disgusting” and “celebrating an unhealthy lifestyle” that regularly comes with articles like this.

    • ChrisK

      Nothing wrong with Husky. Not my type but there’s nothing unhealthy about it either. I’m only concerned when it crosses over to obese and especially gross obesity.

    • ChrisK

      ..or obese guys calling themselves husky.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      He’s not obese, just somewhat overweight and no doubt many guys would still find him sexy. But finding a sex partner or two, or one boyfriend, that’s not enough for him, oh no. He must change the attitudes of the entire gay male world.

      Also he’s only 28… and he’s not even an American, lol.

      Nowadays, whenever young or young-ish guys gain 30 or 40 pounds, for some reason they think it’s actually EASIER to change the attitudes of the entire gay male world than to… oh, for example… get a gym membership? Become a vegetarian for a couple of months? Take up hiking or swimming? Walk to work three times a week? I realize (from experience) that those things are not the easiest things to do, but is it really easier to change the attitudes of the entire gay male world than to do ANY of those things?

    • ChrisK

      That’s a good point. Say @ 48 I’ll buy. However, at 28 you’re fat because you want to be fat. You like hamburgers more then salads. More power to you. Just don’t get all huffy when someone points it out.

    • Sluggo2007

      Those same bitchy queens go to bed alone every night.

    • Notright

      Man I’m husky and proud!

  • jkthsnk

    Erotica is 2D. Love and sexual satisfaction are 3D. If you’re lucky your senses will teach you the difference.

  • Roan

    Hey David…. ditch Grindr and Scruff and come over to Growlr. You will be welcome there.

  • miserylovedme24

    This is exactly the kind of guy that I find extremely hot. I would take him over a ripped model any day.

  • sesfm

    I love how all gay media spends 99% of their time perpetuating the idea that only hot guys are worth anything and 1% pretending to give a shit about the resulting problematic “unrealistic standards”.

    The closest any of your other articles’ subjects will ever come to someone who looks like this is being next to him on your homepage. And no, that’s not his fault.

    Also, let’s not fool ourselves into thinking the onus is on him to become comfortable with himself, as opposed to the rest of the “LGBTQ community” to stop treating non-models like pieces of trash.

    • Jack Meoff

      It’s the same as the women’s magazines that print 5 articles about being empowered and loving your body and accepting yourself followed by 5 articles about how to lose 10 pounds in 10 days and how to snag the perfect man etc all in the one issue. Total contradictory bull designed to sell mags and get clicks.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      Let Queerty know when this guy does anything of note, besides getting fat and bitching about hookup sites.

      They run an article bitching about hookup sites on a weekly basis.

      But from a cursory look at recent Queerty articles, I’m sure Queerty would report favorably on a gay fat guy if, for instance: 1) he has a closeted gay dad and wants to let dad know he knows, 2) he happens to live in one of Jared Kushner’s rat-friendly apartment buildings, 3) his mom bought pretty throw pillows with penises on them!

  • surreal33

    This article is a joke, not funny but a joke. The inane attempt to discuss body image and the criteria is ads on Scruff and Grindr? The premise is pathetic and an insult to basic intelligence. What a clown on Grindr and Scruff thinks about your appearance is not the problem. The problem is using Grindr and Scruff to troll for sex. Gay media, gay television, gay movies, perpetuate the narrative that the only option for gay men meet is sleazy websites and bars. Then the same gay media, gay television, gay movies, laments the fact that most gay men are alone, sad, and hopeless. Alternatives to sleazy websites and bar exist for example churches, gay social groups, gay sports groups and my favorite the gym. All of which require talking and interacting with men which are the goal correct? Last and most important if you love and respect yourself there nothing sexier or more attractive!

    • Heywood Jablowme

      “gay sports groups and my favorite the gym” – But if he did those for awhile he wouldn’t be fat anymore, which totally contradicts your main argument. He seems determined NOT to do anything so obvious and quotidian as exercise.

      “The problem is using Grindr and Scruff to troll for sex.” – This part, I agree with you. He is making the mistake Queerty subjects ALWAYS make lately. For some strange reason they think Grindr & Scruff are the only options, so if only they can change the benighted attitudes there everything will be fine. This is crazy. Gay media don’t “perpetuate” this notion; they mention gay churches, gay social groups, gay sports groups and your favorite the gym, ALL THE TIME.

      As someone posts above, if only he’d ditch Grindr & Scruff to go over to Growlr (if they have that in the UK) he’d find plenty of “acceptance” and wouldn’t have to exercise or do anything!

    • sesfm

      I fail to see how gay social groups, gay sports groups, and gyms are any different. People are valued solely for their appearance in all of those scenarios. They’re hardly different from apps. If you’re going to be rejected by 99 out of 100 guys, at least it can be quicker and less soul-crushing on an app. I would love to be able to meet guys in person like that, but, in my experience, those situations are even more hostile to non-perfect-looking guys than apps are.

      As for church…that’s a discussion for another time.

  • surreal33

    A message for Mr Chris K, (too much of coward to enable reply button) you are a loathsome, vile, douche bag. Please “don’t get huffy because I pointed it out”.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      I’m disappointed that ChrisK hasn’t replied to you, but I’m wondering what about his very reasonable and sane posts annoyed you so much?

      Also you seem unaware how the Reply button works here. Posters have no control over it and can’t “enable” it. Just click Reply on the original comment.

  • Notright

    Are you looking for a dating site where age, waist size, or the size of anything else doesn’t matter? Then check out http://www.gayinternationaldating.com . We’re a premium community of gay men seeking love from anywhere in the globe.

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