If Ophelia Had a Sassy Gay Friend, She Never Would’ve Drowned Herself

Oh, what a different life story Hamlet would have had if only Ophelia had a gay BFF (in real life named Brian Gallivan). Namely, she never would’ve left the house wearing something so plain.

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  • Shade

    Methinks the Lady doth protest too little.

    Glad to know we can be of help. Now imagine if Titus Andronicus had a lesbian buddy that could have gotten him to mellow out a bit. Think of the lives they would have saved.

  • Henry Holland

    They were doing alright until the “She’s a stupid bitch” part. Yeah, if I was a fruit fly, I’d want my sassy gay friend to call me a “stupid bitch”. Oh, wait, I wouldn’t.

    Give it up, Ophelia, Hamlet is really in love with Horatio, you don’t have a chance.

  • Adam

    i was getting ready to write an irritated why-do-we-have-to-be-straight-women’s-accessories-and-life-savers comment, but this was pretty funny.

  • sal(the original)

    sad story,but this is happening to me right now,im the person who’s telling a girlfriend her ex is not worth her tears

  • ATUN

    @Henry Holland: I got the same feeling when I studied Hamlet too! I just knew Horatio and him had something going on!

  • james p. p.

    Adam and I are very much on the same page…

  • ossurworld

    Read Hamlet closer. He is Ophelia’s gay friend and wouldn’t marry her.

  • Lorraine

    Her brother, Laertes might have been gay. During the time Shakespeare was written, King Charles of France was known for wearing dresses and Polonius was a little too worried about the sexual activities of his son who was in France, so much so that he sent a servant to spy on him. Elizabethan audiences would have gotten the reference.

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