Mom wonders if she’s wrong to demand married daughter and wife sleep separately

A posting yesterday from a mom on Reddit has quickly gone viral and prompted thousands of comments. The 60-year-old said her daughter, who is married to a woman, was coming to stay. She posted it in the AmITheASSHOLE subreddit.

The woman explained that her 31-year-old daughter lived in another state with her spouse and their five-year-old son. The mom usually went to visit them. However, on this occasion, her daughter wanted to come to her.

“My daughter said she wanted to come and see me and her old friends with her family. They are currently renovating their house (they have a house in our city and usually stay there when they rarely do come over) and my daughter asked me if they could stay with me. I said of course.

“When they arrived, I mentioned I had prepared each of them a different room. One for my daughter, one for DIL [daughter-in-law] and one for my grandson. My daughter said I was being unreasonable and that she wanted to sleep in the same room as her wife. I said I made her brother and his wife do the same thing when they visited and they never complained.

“My daughter told my DIL to arrange for a hotel. I was really hurt by her decision and said I hoped she’d just stay and it was a few days. She said she hadn’t slept apart from her wife for the past 9 years and wasn’t going to start doing that now.

“They left and stayed at the hotel. My daughter is still kind of cold to me and my friends think I acted like an AH. Was I TA?”

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The internet responds loud and clear

The responses were unequivocal. Yes, she was indeed being unreasonable and acting like an a-hole.

People were not only shocked she’d demanded this of her daughter, but also of her son and his wife. Rather than mere homophobia, they speculated if there was a “no sex in my house” rule going on.

Others said the only possible excuse for this was if the mom had only single beds and didn’t want to squeeze people together.

However, that didn’t seem to be the case. In response, the original poster merely said she considered it inappropriate: “That is how my family, my husband’s family and my culture views this. It isn’t something I’m comfortable with because I’ve been this way my whole life.”

This prompted bemusement among many.

“I’m over here tryna figure out what culture could be progressive enough to support an LGBTQ daughter but conservative enough to ask all married people to sleep separately and I think my brain is overheating…” said one.

“An insult”

Many said they took the daughter’s side, even if her brother made no such complaints.

“Your daughter simply isn’t willing to take sh*t like her brother. Good for her,” was one well-liked comment.

“Just because your son let you walk all over him and his relationship doesn’t mean she has to allow you to do the same,” said another. “Also, let’s pretend it isn’t an insult to separate a married couple for a moment. Your daughter asked to stay with you, you basically stated your terms for allowing it (separate rooms), and she’s entitled to disagree with it. She didn’t walk over your boundary, she merely made alternative arrangements.”

“They’re MARRIED WITH A KID,” said someone else. “She’s not a teenager you need to be trying to protect from the atrocity that is sex out of wedlock. As far as your son and his wife, I’m confident that they never openly complained, but had plenty of problems about it behind closed doors and didn’t want to confront you about it.”

“They are a married couple. Why are you trying to dictate whether or not they sleep next to each other? I would’ve got a hotel if I was them too!” said someone else.

Some gay/bi folk shared their own stories.

“My fiancée and I have been together for 3+ years and have lived together for just under two and we sleep in separate rooms at her mom’s house,” said one woman. “I honestly thought it was a gay thing until her little brother brought a girl home for the first time and she had to sleep in the guest room too … We do still end up sharing most nights anyway and everyone knows it but we have to maintain the illusion.”

Anyway, with almost 3,000 comments in less than 24 hours, the verdict was clear: Mom was an a-hole. Let’s hope she rethinks before her next set of guests arrives.

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