The parent of a woman getting married has turned to the internet for advice after they and their spouse decided not to invite the girl’s gay uncle to the wedding.
Although they have no issue with his sexuality, their daughter’s future husband comes from a family that holds homophobic views. The posted, appropriately enough, posted about their dilemma to Reddit’s ‘AITA’ thread: short for ‘Am I The Asshole?’
Posting anonymously, “because I’d rather some people I know not see this,” they say:
“So my daughter’s wedding is soon, and we sent out invitations last week. Let’s call my daughter’s fiancé James just for this. James’ is a very nice man with good values and I believe he is perfect for my daughter. James’ family however is VERY religious, and after meeting with them before, it’s become pretty clear they’re extreme homophobes, especially his parents (James has no problem with gay people himself however).
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“My brother is gay and he has a partner he’s been with for a few years now. James’ family knows about this, and it’s something they are really bothered by. They don’t directly tell us, but they’ve mentioned it to James who has told my daughter who has told me.”
They say, “My brother was always visiting our house and my daughter always loved to play with him when she was young. Our family has accepted him as part of the family, along with his husband who is a very friendly person.”
To cut a long story short, James asked them not to invite the brother. The parent resisted the demand, saying their daughter would want him there. Then James’ parents told them that if the brother attended, he’d have to attend alone.
“I proposed this to my brother and his partner and they did NOT take it well,” the parent wrote. “My brother said that if he was coming, so would his partner. I then told him he couldn’t come because James’ parents would make a scene.”
Unsurprisingly, the uncle was upset at being asked to attend without his husband and the parents decided it best not to invite him.
“I didn’t invite him because James’ parents would make a big scene out of it. So AITA?”
As you may imagine, hundreds of people commented to say: Yes! You are an asshole!
One commentator said they were an asshole for, “One, for siding with the homophobic over the perfectly nice gay couple. That’s a homophobic choice.
“Two, for making this decision rather than letting it in the hands of the bride-and-groom. Not sure who died and made you the king/queen of this wedding.”
Many other commentators said that the bride should have been involved in the decision-making process.
“If my husband’s family said not to invite my best friend because he’s gay, I’d laugh them out of the church. That decision is to be made by the people getting married,” said another.
“Every time someone says ‘don’t invite X because I’m bigoted towards them’, the correct answer is to not invite the bigot,” suggested another, helpfully.
Related: Redditor worries he’s a ‘straight person pretending to be gay’
Others were even blunter.
“How dare you chose bigots over your brother?!? How dare you think you have a say in the guest list? How dare you not stick up for your brother to these assholes?!? How dare you not tell James that he needs to tell his parents to fuck off??”
It seems the hundreds of comments informing this parent that they are, indeed, an asshole, prompted them to think again. They later posted an update to their original posting.
“Update: My daughter has been informed of the situation and she wants her uncle to come, along with her partner, so that’s what’s going to happen. Judging by the comments most of you hate me but I’m going to try and right this wrong and will stand up for my brother and his partner at the wedding. And please I’m not homophobic.”
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
To those repugnant smcubag vile “family members” who surely will “justify” their hatred and bigotry clutching their plastic Walmart pearls and quoting their precious Bible, please ‘splain this wonderful little nugget….
1 Timothy 5:8
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
Kaaper
It is your daughter’s day. If she wants them there, that is up to her, not her bigoted soon-to-be in-laws. And her fiancee should stand up to his parents for the girl he is marrying!
wikidBSTN
You hit the nail on the head.
Cam
Time to start reflexively defaulting to the side of non-bigotry rather than giving the bigots the time of day. It’s their daughter, they’re paying for the wedding, the religious bigots should be the ones ashamed of their views and should hide them.
Chrisk
Jesus. James sounds like a major puss for even asking. I too would say f*ck you and laugh the bigots right out of the room.
Girl you can do better!!
kevininbuffalo
I’m Bi and I was married for 15 years until my wife’s death. Her family were Independent Baptists/Republicans and they hated everybody who wasn’t. They and my f%@king MIL especially, made my life miserable. They’re just a bunch of ignorant bullies who seem to be proud of their ignorance. My wife never supported me, usually she just remained silent during “Mum’s” tirades. The tirades were mostly about religion, my family were all Catholic. Oh and they also hated Democrats, which I am, Unions, I was a Steelworker till I retired recently and a slew of other things. I have no contact with them now but they still cause me one problem. Whenever I take flowers out to my wife’s grave they are either moved to the side or thrown out. I’ve stopped taking flowers out and now just leave a stone on the headstone when I visit. I’ll resume when “Mum” and her Macho Man ex Marine chicken shit husband finally croak. They’re 85.
Me, I would never, ever marry or live with anyone again. My freedom is more important to me than that. I would say to this young bride that if hubby doesn’t have her back now he probably never will and I think her in-laws will cause her no end of trouble. Me? I’d run like the devil was after me because in a way he is.
David Hudson
That’s heartbreaking. To see one’s flowers moved aside on a grave… some people are just unfathomable. At a time when you could all be united over your grief for your late wife, they instead choose to act like this. Thank you for sharing.
Sanjo
Have you considered having her remains moved to another location? Why should you have to wait until they croak? A bit passive aggressive, but, hey…
wikidBSTN
So, the groom is willing to insult his future wife’s relatives and cause a rift in her family in order to accommodate his parent’s sense of discomfort for a few hours during one day of their lives? Really? My question to the bride – do you really know WHO are you marrying?
Pii
my recommendation to the bride is RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jerjn
Hey, QUEERTY!
Do you NOT have any mechanism for reporting SPAM on these comment boards?
It seems I never read the comments without having to first read about how to meet men on Grindr, or somesuch.
It sucks.
Please fix.
Thanks.
Smith David
I wish da hell I wouldn’t…..child cheese.
Pii
“Our family has accepted him as part of the family, along with his husband who is a very friendly person” WTF
He is HER BROTHER, he IS already a part of their family. SHE should consider herself LUCKY HE’S ACCEPTED her.
I hope he re-assesses his relationship with his sister as that was quite the betrayal.
Minerva Pomerantz
READ THE UPDATE.
At least the daughter knows how to do the right thing.
scotty
friends dont let friends get married to homophobes…when you get married, you may think it’s to only that person, but protip: it’s the entire family you get like it or not.
one more thing
Why is the father sending out the invitations? Isn’t that the job of the Bride? Also the father needs to grow some balls, it’s amazing that his gay brother hasn’t disowned him yet for his stupidity!