Seven Reasons Why Chris Christie Will Never Be President

chris-christieChris Christie‘s 2016 presidential campaign started exactly one minute after the polls closed on Election Night. That’s when it was obvious that Christie was romping to victory and could portray himself as the great savior of the Republican party. Here’s a conservative elected by a landslide in the Northeast! Here’s a guy who isn’t afraid of saying nice things about the President!

Here’s a guy who will never live in the White House.

Despite all the buzz, there are plenty of reasons why Christie. Here are seven of the most obvious.

The GOP primaries look like Alabama, not New Jersey. Yes, maybe Christie could appeal to voters in a nationwide election (a big maybe). But to do so, he has to get through the Republican primary system, and as the last go-round proved, that system appeals to the most extreme fringes of the party base. Mitt Romney was able to secure the presidential nomination by repudiating anything remotely moderate in his past and positioning himself to the right of Rick Perry. There’s no reason to think that the primary voters are going to look any different in just over two years.

Christie isn’t ideologically pure. Being a conservative in New Jersey is not going to strike many true believers as being a real conservative. Christie didn’t fight marriage equality from becoming the law with every fiber of his being, as a good conservative would. He also signed a bill signing a ban on gay conversion therapy, which infuriated the likes of the National Organization for Marriage. His fellow Republicans will seize on these apostasies to portray Christie as another Romney.

About his weight…It may or may not be fair that the only person between Christie and the White House is Jenny Craig. But the reality of politics is that Christie’s weight will raise lots of health issues.

He has a lot of baggage in his past. Double Down, the new book about the 2012 election, is not kind to Christie. The governor was on the short list of Romney’s potential running mates, but the team vetting him found a lot of red flags. (Christie’s code name in the process: Pufferfish. See the item above.) The team found “garish controversies lurking in the shadows of his record,” which the Romney team were happy to supply to the book’s authors, apparently out of disgust with their dealings with Christie and his staff.

He’s a bully. This is part of the reason why Tea Party types respond so favorably to Christie. He likes to verbally beat people who disagree with him into submission. (Here’s one recent example.) All it takes is one explosion in front of the national press and Christie will look like a jerk, not a president.

Rush Limbaugh hates him. Normally, this would be a badge of honor, but it’s a liability in today’s GOP. The right-wing echo chamber, the source of news for many conservatives, will not serve Christie’s interests. “I’m telling you, such is the animus toward the tea party in the Republican party establishment that they are perfectly comfortable with a Christie win and a Cuccinelli loss [for Virginia governor] because to them that’s a tea party loss,” Limbaugh fumes. In the past, Limbaugh has said that Christie and Obama have a “master-servant relationship.”

He’s the Establishment’s Candidate of Choice. There’s an intraparty war being waged for control of the Republican party, and the candidates will be the proxies on the battlefield. Under those circumstances, being the beloved of the Establishment is not a virtue. It means taking sides in a bitterly fought war. Republicans are not likely to win a national election they sort themselves out and come to terms with what the party has to be to win. The odds that they can win with Christie and then sort that out are low. The party Establishment might like to think so, but they will spill so much blood before they ever get to the convention that they will be reeling.

Now, things could change for Christie. The Democrats could nominate a complete nimrod, which would not be the word to describe Hillary. The Tea Party could have a sudden conversion to pragmatism. Or perhaps Christie himself could, through a combination of charm (which he does have) and discipline (MIA so far), convince the warring sides that he’s the man for them. None of these are out of the realm of possibility.But they are out of the realm of probability.

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  • Johnny Lane

    He’s a fat bigoted pig headed bastard.

  • northwest

    Democrats supporting this guy are complete idiots. They may as well back Ted Cruz while they’re at it. Christie’s pretty far right when it comes to his actual policy decisions.

  • HirsuteOne

    He’s a bully and hothead. Both qualities not conducive to being president. Plus, his weight will be an issue.

  • Ron Jackson

    There will never be another obese person as President. Ain’t gonna happen.

  • Scott Amundsen

    Weight aside, it’s his mouth that voters should be concerned with. Chris Christie is a rude, crude, vicious, NASTY son of a bitch; if God forbid he ever gets into the White House, can you just picture it if he has a sit-down with, say, Kim Jong-un? Fifteen minutes into the meeting he would call Kim an asshole and then the Bog Hot One will be on and we will all have no choice but to pur our heads between our legs and kiss our asses goodbye.

  • Wingfield

    He is gross… But to be fair he did admit to recently getting a lapband so it’s pretty likely in 3 years he won’t be so fat.

  • Aires the Ram

    All one has to do is listen to the Republicans now, and know that the religious right (Southern Baptist Convention (et. al)) is in firm control of what once was the Republican Party. In the last two or three years, events, issues, the media, have all painted the “current” Republican Party for what it “currently” is: A bunch of hard-hearted bigots with no empathy for anyone but themselves. They are now successfully portrayed as hating all gays, immigrants, anyone seeking ‘equal’ rights, and of having disastrous foreign/military/economic policies.
    I don’t care who wins the Republican nomination in the primaries, they will not win the White House in 2016.

  • jonjct

    You never know who will become the favorite. 3 years is a long time away. I am still shocked that Hillary was pushed aside for Barack. But, it’s never about the issues, as you can tell from the comments already posted, (not one of the comments mentioned an issue), it’s all about the cult of personality, it’s about how ppl feel about you, not what you have to say. And Christie is certainly a personality.

  • BJ McFrisky

    Since Queerty is a website that passionately dedicates itself to fairness and unbiased reporting, it’s only reasonable to present the . . .

    Seven reasons why Hillary Clinton won’t be our next president:

    1. She’s fat.
    Sure, she may not be as fat as Chris Christie right now, but he had a medical procedure to reverse his girth, while she’ll still be fat (if not fatter) in 2016.

    2. Unsavory history.
    Being married to Slick Willie, she has more baggage than a carousel at LAX. Scandals have plagued this woman her entire professional life, and despite her laughable efforts to convince Americans otherwise, none of them were the result of “vast right-wing conspiracies.”

    3. Liar.
    She’s pathologically dishonest—virtually everything that emits from her mouth is untrue. Remember how she, like Obama, opposed gay marriage until it became politically inconvenient to do so? Hence, she lies when she feels it necessary.

    4. Not liberal enough.
    Like Christie, she’s not “ideologically pure.” Meaning, she’ll compromise with Republicans when she has to. (hey, it’s Queerty thinks that’s a bad thing, not me).

    5. Turncoat.
    She, not the Republicans, started the “born in Kenya” rumor about Obama, proving her willingness to throw her own under the bus.

    6. Uncaring and indifferent.
    When asked about what caused the deaths of her subordinates in Benghazi—was it terrorism or social unrest?—her oh-so-compassionate response was to angrily demand, “WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?!?”

    7. Old woman.
    In 2016, she’ll be almost 70 years old, and Christie will be a whip-smart young 54-year-old. Do you think America really wants to put a wishy-washy senior citizen in the White House? You think she’ll capture the youth vote? You think wrong.

    * * *

    If she’s our next president, it’ll prove to the world that America is more interested in electing affirmative-action leaders (he’s black! she’s a woman! look how diverse we are!) than actual ones (see the past 5 years for the perfect example).

    No need to thank me for the retort, Queerty, you know I’m happy to do it.

  • LadyL

    Christie’s election sweep is a variant on the “What’s the Matter With Kansas” theory, in which people vote against their own interests. He publicly gave props to President Obama and publicly criticzed his own party. He won’t be doing much of either anymore as he moves towards a White House run.

  • StephK

    Re: Christie and the marriage equality law in N.J., your information is very wrong. He DID fight marriage with all his being. He sat on the passed bill for 2 years refusing to sign it, and kept on calling for a popular referendum to circumvent the will of the legislature. Only when SCONJ denied 7-0 Christie’s appeal to stop the first weddings on October 21 did he finally fold. Because Christie tried every which way he could to stop marriage equality, the Tea Party should have no issue with him regarding that.

  • zrocqs

    @BJ McFrisky: Your brand of reactionary denial is one of the reasons the Republican party continues to fracture. We Liberals thank you.

  • 2eo

    @zrocqs: Great isn’t it, he can’t even see how the far right is being decimated everywhere. Glorious.

  • litper

    @BJ McFrisky yeah we saw the last 5 years and how Repubs tried to stop gay rights everywhere they could!

  • Rockery


  • FStratford

    @BJ McFrisky: bullshit.

  • JAW

    Funny thing happened… The Same Sex Marriage Law that he vetoed… Well now folks on the right want it overridden… The GLBT community does not want it overridden… confused? welcome to NJ

    The law gives protection to religious groups and buildings that do not now exist since it was a court ruling that got Same Sex Marriage going.

    The GL community does not want those protections to happen… the right does… so now the right is fighting for a same sex marriage law to be passed… LOL

  • BJ McFrisky

    @zrocqs: You’ve mistaken me for a Republican, which I am not.

    @FStratford: Thanks for your in-depth and thoughtful response. I feel downright enlightened.

  • tjr101

    @BJMcFrisky, yea ofcourse you’re not Republican, you’re just a gay guy that happens to vote that way all the time!

  • hephaestion

    Hillary Clinton is not fat. Any fool who would say that must have a very severe eating disorder.

  • zrocqs

    @BJ McFrisky: My apologies for assuming too much. I’m a lifelong Independent and should have known better than to presuppose your party affiliation.

    Despite my error, my point remains valid. The Republican party is fracturing and conservative politics has lost momentum. My greatest hope upon the election of Barak Obama was the end of the Reagan Era. That hope seems more and more likely to be fulfilled.

  • Kermit Kermit

    What a bunch of self-serving trolls. Christie looks like George McGovern compared to Bush/Cheney. I voted for BO twice only to have my full time status cut down to a part time employee. President Obama is no Bill Clinton when it comes to fixing things. In some ways we are still waiting for our first black President.

    Oh, and haters please remember J. Edgar Hoover was gay and everyone knew it. You do not have to be liberal to be homosexual.

  • Snapper59

    What idiot wrote this. FYI, the “Tea Party” would as soon vote for Hillary or a Barack 3rd term than vote for Christie.

    If you are going to do politics, you might TRY to do a little research.

  • Ottoman

    Christie was Bernie Madoff’s attorney and lobbyist, something still not widely known eventhough it’s been reported and is in that new book. That’s a presidential campaign ad that writes itself.

  • BJ McFrisky

    Very reassuring to see how scared you guys are of a Christie campaign, despite the fact that Jersey Democrats seem to love him. It just means that old, fat, exhausted Hillary will have her work cut out for her in 3 years. And when the passage of the abysmal Obamacare debacle is made a campaign issue, she’ll have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
    To quote 2eo: “Glorious.”

  • jonjct

    @jonjct: ^ what is all this?

  • BJ McFrisky

    @tjr101: Liar—you love to disappoint me.
    But I guess we’ll see come November 2016—when Clinton is 69 and Christie is 54, and we see how your Dems (who claimed this week they’d vote for Hillary three years hence) actually respond to the reality of an old, bitter, easily-exhausted, Obamacare-endorsing, scorned woman leading the country.

    May the best man (or manly woman) win.

  • Charles175

    There is an eighth reason that queerty has not mentioned and that is he passed a law against ex-gay therapy.

  • tjr101

    @BJ McFrisky: Aww, so bitter lol

  • zrocqs

    @BJ McFrisky: This is that denial I mentioned in my earlier post, which is endemic to so many conservatives these days. Y’all keep rewriting the script to fit your world view. Or, at least, you’re relying too much on others (Faux News *cough*) who rewrite reality in order to keep you tuning in. They so know their demo (-graphic or course, not -crat).

    I know it bothers you to no end, but if Hillary runs in ’16, she wins. Barring of course some monumental (not just major) upset. She’ll have Liberals, Moderates, Women (including a sizable chunk of Republican women), as well as most of us Queerfolk. I was going to add “Minorities” but all y’all right-wingers seem to be the real minority these days. We left-wingnuts are getting pretty good the whole melting-pot thing, and are sloughing off the dried, flaky remnants of most of our prejudices.

    You conservatives will do it too, but as always you’ll be two generations behind.

    Good luck!

  • BJ McFrisky

    @zrocqs: I know it makes you feel all fuzzy and self-righteous to continuously call me conservative or Republican, but just because you state it does not make it true. Just because I think Obama and Hillary are a joke doesn’t mean I’m pro-Republican.

    You’re the perfect example of the liberal hysteric who thinks all gay men should have the same mindset because we share the same sexuality, all blacks should think like Al Sharpton, and all women MUST love Hillary Clinton because they have vaginas in common.

    Having said that, however, I do envy you and others like you who exist in a naïve little bubble where reality has little influence. I remember that feeling . . . from when I was 10.

  • zrocqs

    @BJ McFrisky: Well, you’ve certainly cleared things up.

    What the hell was I thinking?

  • BJ McFrisky

    @zrocqs: Glad to have assisted you in your enlightenment. My hours are M-F, 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. PST (weekends by appointment only).

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