Week in Comments

There are Racists on Grindr? Justice Kagan Is Not On Our Side? Paying for Sex Can Be Fulfilling?

Time for the Queerty weekend post with FIVE of the most compelling, thought-provoking (or just down-right bitchy) comments that came directly from you!

1. Damn, what will we have left!? I like to identify as “queer” because it fits more of a culture and feels more transgressive. If we get rid of all this stuff we might as well be straight. If you get offended by these things, especially when gay people use them, you are probably struggling with your own internal homophobia. God forbid some one refers to you with the female pronoun! Some one might think you are gay!

–Tim embraces the term on 8 More Queer Terms That Need to Go Right Now

2. I’m behind Dan on this one. Any relationship that I’ve been in has been monogamous, but couples should have the ability to openly negotiate the level of monogamy they want in their relationship. Any victories won on the basis of parading out the well-groomed coached heteronormative gay couples and hiding away non-heteronormative partnerships like Dan’s are no victories at all.

–Paul wants marriage to be a negotiation on David Badash: Dan Savage’s Open Marriage Will Set Back The Entire Marriage-Equality Movement

3. Alright, I’m an Asian male… it doesn’t make me an expert by any means, but I do have some insight to some of the ugly truths about the situation.

It’s a simple fact that, of people who hold a bias in their preferences. Race wise, non-whites tend to get a shitty deal because we do sometimes get lumped together. But, you know what the good thing is? The amount of people who “aren’t into asians” has decreased by an immense amount, at least from what I have experienced. I can’t speak for any of the other minorities because I don’t have that first hand experience but I’m 27 now and things have drastically changed since I was 18. And it’s not just based on my own perception. People are getting more open minded as time goes on, isn’t that the good news we should focus on? It sucks we can’t get what we want sometimes, but to become enraged over that fact seems a little pointless to me. Yes, the media has its bias. We’ve all seen the Abercrombie ads with the hot white boys and their friends: the freckled girl and the black guy.

In media, things have been progressing at a pace that can’t really be called progression. And yet, society is the one that drives what the media shows. Like I said before, I’ve noticed that things have been getting better for my asian brothers and I where I am. Of all of them, I’m the only one in a committed relationship (Polish, Native American and Spanish… hell fucking yeah) the rest of them are single and, trust me, it’s by choice. Life doesn’t reflect media and it never has. Whether it’s body type, hair color or race, it’s never been an accurate cross-section of the population or even the desires of the population. It’s becoming less and less so, we all know this.

So seriously, relax. Take a breath. And when Friday comes, put on that shirt you know you look hot in and go find yourself a man who thinks you’re sexy as hell. There are too many out there to bother with the few who see things only in black and white.

–Jon does not waste his time with racists on Now There’s A Place To Publicly Humiliate Grindr Douchebags

4. DOMA and DADT are conjoined like Siamese Twins. Both may survive the legal scalpel of judicial surgery, but one or both might die in the process as well.

If DADT appeal goes forth, that could negatively impact and set a very bad precedent in DOMA if the Supreme Court finds that the Gay and Lesbian community is not entitled to “heightened scrutiny” and 14th Amendment equal protection or even Fifth Amendment due process protections in DADT. In view of those consequences, DOMA should have gone first as the Supreme Court has historically sided with the military on administrative proceedings.

By the way, Justice Kagan (for all you Democratic loyalists who think that Democratic federal court appointees are referable to Republicans appointed judges such as Anthony Kennedy who wrote the majority decisions in Lawrence -v- Texas (striking down the sodomy laws) and in Romer -v- Evans (striking down anti-gay Amendment 2 in Colorado) …just remember what Kagan stupidly said during her confirmation hearing about DOMA, “There is no federal constitutional right to same-sex marriage.”

–Rainfish gives us a legal breakdown on BREAKING: Obama Supports DOMA Repeal

5. OK, I can see you guys need some lessons in Prostitution-101.

– Be smart in avoiding legal entanglements: do your homework (Google, dudes) to find out how things work in the state where you’re living or visiting. Most pros can come to an agreement without saying/doing anything that could later be used against you or them. I learned from one guy that he goes for a deep wet kiss and mutual-hands-down-pants groping at the front door, because cops won’t get physical like that.

– No guys under 30. This helps avoid kids/guys who are selling sex because they have no other alternatives. If you do meet a sad case, young or old, be human and remember how lucky you are. Decline the sex and pay them the $ for showing up.

– For safety, let someone know what you’re up to. I usually let my husband know (of course, that also means I’m then expected to provide details after the fact!)

– Trust your gut. If someone shows up and you get a bad vibe, just tell them you changed your mind, pay them, and send them on their way. $200-400 is a small price to pay to avoid a bad scene, a mugging, and/or a bashing.

– Lock valuables up in hotel safe, if possible. If not, then put into locked or closed luggage. If I don’t know a guy, I don’t leave him alone with my stuff or my shaving kit (prescription drugs, “herbal” remedies.) If this is at your home, keep ‘em close.

– Sorry, but no porn stars. Generally, but not always, porn stars are just not as fun. They’re used to being ogled, chased, and worshipped. You’re the guy who’s paying, you should be the star of the show.

– Regulars. When you and the guy get along and have fun in bed, repeat performances can be spectacular. They learn how to push your buttons, and you learn what gets them engaged/excited. I always ask the generic question, “do you like repeat clients or do you prefer one-timers?” This gives the guy a graceful way of out if he’s not into you as a client.

– Don’t be an effing cheapskate. A great non-sexual massage can easily run a $100, so getting naked and wet ought to go for a significant premium. And tips! Just as you would tip the wait-staff at a great restaurant for great service, give a great tip to the guy who just rocked your world.

As to comments about the johns and prostitutes being lowlifes, breaking the law, exploiting people, etc.? I find those attitudes naive and provincial. There are bad johns, bad hustlers, bad cops, bad judges, bad politicians, bad preachers, and bad meter maids, to name a few. Exploitive lowlifes exist in every form, in every profession, and are simply a part of our world.

The “it’s illegal” argument holds no sway. Gay sex was illegal – the laws were on the books even if they were not enforced – in the majority of the US until Lawrence v. Texas, 2003, but I’ve been rolling around naked with guys since the 80?s. I was also known to drive 60 in 55mph zones on flat straight middle-of-nowhere freeways. Sometimes the law is stupid and deserves no respect.

–JohnJohn breaks the law on If You’ve Ever Paid For A Prostitute, You’ll Probably Commit A Felony At Some Point