higher ed

UPenn Is Actively Seeking Gay High Schoolers to Join Its Ranks. But How to Find Them Queers?

The University of Pennsylvania, alma mater to America’s ninth president William Henry Harrison, would like more homosexuals on campus, please and thank you. In what’s being called a first (okay, a second), UPenn is specifically looking for LGBTs to matriculate at its Ivy League playpen of higher ed. For the low, low price of $34,868.00 per year!

Following the lead from Dartmouth College, UPenn wants to beef up its classrooms with folks who throw fabulous dinner parties in their dorms and are always there at the dining halls with hilarious one-line zingers. But how to find homosexual high school students when UPenn’s application doesn’t ask about sexual orientation?

“Penn is identifying gay admits through information they provide on their applications — groups that they are members of, or statements they make about themselves in their essays,” relays Inside Higher Ed. “One question on the Penn application asks applicants about the communities they would like to be active in at the university, and the answers include academic interests, social and cultural organizations, and — for some students — gay life at the university.”

Ah, classic data mining! It’s the very stuff credit card companies engage in to see if you’re a credit risk. Or interested in HRC’s Visa card.

All joking aside, this is an effort we fully support. The same way universities should actively recruit from all underrepresented demographics, so too should The Gays be included on this list.

But rather than rely on whether potential students mention a gay-straight alliance on their application, or use their coming out story for their college essay, just approve the applications that are scented and use a heavier paper stock and raised lettering. And any field hockey players. It’s not like we’re hiding from you, admissions folks.

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