Marriage, unplugged

This woman is very confused by what she found in her husband’s drawer and they REALLY need to talk

via Shutterstock

A woman who has spent 28 years with her husband has appealed to sexpert Ashley Cobb for help after discovering his butt plug and extramarital affairs. She really wants to know if her husband is gay.

“Dear Ashley,” writes the woman, identified only as “Mrs. Confused.” “I have been married for 28 years. My husband has been suffering from erectile dysfunction or so he claims, we haven’t had sex in three years. I recently found out he is has been having sex with trans women. So now I’m confused. He says, he isn’t gay. I kicked him out and found tons of condom wrappers, lubes, and anal plugs. Should I give him another chance or is he really gay?”

Leave it to Ashley to come up with some thoughtful–if pointed–advice.

“Dear Mrs. Confused,” Ashley replies. “For starters, if you are writing in asking if you should stay, you really want to stay. And that’s ok. I’m not married, you made vows with your husband if you want to stay, then stay. But know this, your husband enjoys having sex with women who have penises. The bigger question here is are you ok with your husband engaging in sexual relationships outside of your marriage? And are you okay with those relationships being with someone who has a penis? If the answer to either of these questions is no, then it may be time to reevaluate your marriage.”

Related: A woman suspects her husband is secretly gay. Should she stay or go?

“Did you ask your husband what attracts him to trans women?” Ashley continues. “Maybe he enjoys being penetrated. Is this something you are open to exploring with him? Wearing a strap-on could be an alternative. Also, has he ever talked to you about using anal plugs on him before you found them? I don’t know the extent of your relationship but it’s a good chance your husband did not feel 100% comfortable sharing his sexual desires with you and that is another problem.”

“I envision marriages to be a safe space for both me and my spouse to share our desires, fantasies and secrets without judgment,” Ashley then writes. “I want my spouse to feel safe enough to talk about any and all sexual desires, even the ones that don’t appeal to me. I want to hold space for them to share with me knowing that together we will come up with a solution that works for both of us.”

“If you want to keep your marriage I strongly suggest seeking therapy,” she finally suggests, “preferably a sex therapist. A sex therapist can help you both navigate this in a healthy way. In addition to the other issues going on, the fact still remains your husband lied and is a cheater. Trust that took 28 years to build has been broken and it will take professional help to get it back.”

“Hope this helps!” Ashley then adds.

We think it’s sound advice.

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