The French luxury fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent recently unveiled new penis jewelry — just in time for the holidays! Sorry Prince Albert fans: It’s penis-shaped jewelry, not jewelry for your penis.
You can now snag a pair of golden brass penis earrings for $280 or a penis necklace for $680, perfect for someone who needs phalluses dangling around their faces at all times.
Related: Twitter loses it as a penis-shaped skyscraper is erected in China
Though fashion designers occasionally release provocative designs like these to earn free publicity, penis jewelry has actually been fashionable since ancient Rome.
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According to Melissa Mohr, author of Holy Sh*t: A Brief History of Swearing, Roman boys once wore “tiny charms in the shape of an erect penis called fascini” believed to have magical powers from Fascinus, the Roman fertility god similar to the Greek god Priapus.
Priapus was the son of Aphrodite, goddess of love, and Dionysus, god of wine. He was cursed by Zeus’ wife Hera to have a permanent erection before he got booted from Mount Olympus, home of the gods.
Mohr says Roman boys wore these penis-shaped charms to distract the envious stares of others. But the penis jewelry fad never really went away.
In 2013, the singer Kesha released her own line of phallic jewelry called “Grow a Pear.” In 2015, gay designer Tom Ford released a penis pendant necklace that caused a minor scandal for resembling a cross — it came in three sizes.
Lacuevaman
can you get it without the smegma?
Chrisk
Dumb
Lacuevaman
ChrissyK…. a little threatened?
justgeo
BORING and ughly
Virpilosus
Ummm, distasteful, to say the least, where expensive meets uber tacky “head on.”
PinkoOfTheGange
Is there an intact version?
dannysax
” a penis necklace for $680″ ? i don’t know anyone with any taste paying that much for a penis to wear around your neck. You can make one for a lot less if that’s your thing. I bet it’s not even more than fake gold.
Terrycloth
Nothing screams I’m very gay than a penis around your neck..”
Ashke113
$280 for those ugly ass earrings? Clearly what is considered fashion these days has gotten it’s inspiration from a backroom or bathroom at any gay bar. It’s gone from vogue to vomit in just a few years……and some idiots out there will throw the money at the designer just because of the damn name. Pathetic