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THUPER BOWL

EXCLUSIVE: Ten Ways Madonna Is “Bringing Gay To The Super Bowl,” Revealed

One of Madonna’s dancers was overheard saying that, when she plays the half-time show, Her Madgesty is “bringing gay to the Super Bowl,” according to the Daily News.

Queerty called up a well placed source in the Gay Mafia and got even more scoop. Here’s ten ways that Madonna will gay up the Straightest Day of the Year:

  1. Expose one of her bulging pectoral muscles
  2. Triple kiss with Chely Wright and Rosie O’Donnell
  3. Demand her waiting room plays the club remix of “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay” on repeat
  4. Hire a dance troupe of barely legal Latinos who all have dated aging pop stars (Casper Smart, Jesus Luz, Brahim Zaibat, etc.)
  5. Talk thinly veiled shit about “has-been old queens” and “reductive c*nts” in a rap interlude
  6. Encourage spectators to switch from Bud Light to mimosas
  7. Dress up as the Wicked Witch of the West. Oh, wait.
  8. Apologize publicly to both of her estranged brothers (the gay one and the homeless one)
  9. Comment on how Tim Tebow is “totally f*ckable” while singing “Like A Virgin”
  10. Perform at the Super Bowl

 

Sounds like the Sunday after next will be pretty damned gay.

Photo: The Weinstein Company

By:           Evan Mulvihill
On:           Jan 25, 2012
Tagged: ,
  • 28 Comments
    • ashton cruz
      ashton cruz

      Holy shit, I didnt know that Madonna guy was still alive! I absolutely loved him on Tales From The Crypt. He looks even scarier now. Awesome!!!! What is he going to to do in the Superbowl?? Tell us a scary story??!! Double Awesome!!!!

      Jan 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • christopher di spirito
      christopher di spirito

      Madonna will not bring any “gay” to the Superbowl. She used the LGBT community to claw her way to the top of the pop music world and not, a respectable, middle-aged, British mum of four, wants nothing to do with us.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Elois
      Elois

      This is the kind of article i expect to see on a right wing website and not on Queerty (Mimosas ? Really ?).

      Jan 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Pocket Otter
      Pocket Otter

      @christopher di spirito: Precisely. This aging has-been represents me in no way, shape or form. Let’s hope this “show” of hers is a Hail Mary to her career and she goes away.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bryan
      Bryan

      I could actually see her doing #9 lol.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sean
      Sean

      Can’t wait for her performance

      Jan 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Red Meat
      Red Meat

      I hope she gets booed for being such a talent-less fake betch who only sells on sex appeal.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RomanHans
      RomanHans

      I criticize people who aren’t supportive of the gay community before I criticize those that are.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • QJ201
      QJ201

      Madonna walked away from the gay community 20 years ago…her “support” is spurious and self serving at best.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike UK
      Mike UK

      is she really relevant to the gay community today? I doubt it unless you’re over 35 and a pilled up queen who dances his tits off at the weekend! for the record, no pseudo English accent makes anyone British!

      Jan 25, 2012 at 3:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lefty
      Lefty

      @Mike UK: I suspect she just picked it up while living over here, rather than it being an affectation. No one would pretend to be British. :)

      Jan 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ted B. (Charging Rhino)
      Ted B. (Charging Rhino)

      I didn’t know you could auto-tune the National Anthem.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lefty
      Lefty

      I hope the show’s a huge success and everyone watching it enjoys themselves… sorry. I don’t know what came over me then.
      Boo, Hiss, Bile, what a bitch exploiting all those gay people that bought and enjoyed her music etc…

      Jan 25, 2012 at 3:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the crustybastard
      the crustybastard

      Evidently I must come up with 9 more ways not to watch that shit.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 3:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike UK
      Mike UK

      @Lefty: take it from me it’s put on, my partner is Australian and lived here 15 years and still doesn’t have an English accent!

      Jan 25, 2012 at 3:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matthew Rettenmund
      Matthew Rettenmund

      Here is one guarantee: Madonna’s done more for gay visibility in our culture, and therefore more for gay rights and issues, than anyone commenting on this post.

      Also to Mike, who wonders if Madonna is “relevant to the gay community today” and says only if “you’re over 35″ (and I guess being over 35 and dancing every weekend is an even bigger big no-no), that sounds like you don’t think people over 35 are relevant to the gay community today, so fuck off — what’s irrelevant to the gay community today is ridiculous rules about what constitutes a REAL enough (basically) straight ally.

      Feels like the comments have been freeped by little monsters who don’t realize Gaga doesn’t need their mindless help.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike UK
      Mike UK

      @Matthew Rettenmund: I happen to be in my 40’s and out most weekends and hit bars and clubs, and guess what I dance as well!!!, what I don’t need to do is get pilled off my face and dance my tits off like an 18 year old!
      so in your words FUCK OFF!

      The likes of Madonna and Gaga do fuck all for the community UNLESS it benefits themselves!

      Jan 25, 2012 at 5:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Triple S
      Triple S

      You know, I seriously don’t get why Madonna has been so bloody famous! She sounded like a two year in the ‘Holiday’ era, and since the Immaculate Collection, everything she’s done has been totally forgettable. That ‘and I feel’ one was good, but other than that; nothing.
      Kylie, who has said that she drew inspiration from Madonna has been around a similar length of time has been just as famous, and is STILL famous! Kylie will be eternal.
      Anyway, I don’t think Madonna got as much fame as she did because of the music, but because of the context of her songs. Just Like a Prayer being one of the best examples.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 6:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      Madonna is a total user. She used gay men to build her empire. Don’t ever forget this. Whenever she has something to sell, she claims she’s on the side of the gays. Don’t fall for it.

      She also exploited a homophobic double standard. No male singer is allowed to do what she does. Or what Katy Perry does, or what Lady Gaga does, or what Rihanna does, or what Britney does. These women are all allowed to kiss girls and claim to be bisexual – even it’s fake – but have you ever seen a man being allowed to do this? Nope. You certainly don’t see chart-topping male singers being allowed to use male bisexuality as a marketing strategy in the same way these women use female bisexuality.

      Don’t fall for the notion that Madonna is helping the gays. The only people she is helping is sleazy straight guys who have a fetish for girl-girl action. Madonna appeals to sexist and homophobic straight guys. Nuff said.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WillBFair
      WillBFair

      @Matthew Rettenmund: I think these comments are yet another expression of queer ageism. It’s too boring.
      I remember being 21 in the SF bars and listening to my freinds talk and laugh about the old trolls. I looked at them like they were crazy, but I learned not to talk about respect or manners with them rubes.
      Nothing has changed. The younger set is just as shallow and ignorant as they’ve always been. It would be sad if it weren’t so predictable.
      P.S. Madonna has a great voice and has done many more catchy pop tumes than Lady Gaga. The Gaga may catch up someday. But please don’t act like she owns the Galaxy, because it’s tired and so obviously another show of ageism.
      How’s that for a bitchfest?

      Jan 25, 2012 at 7:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WillBFair
      WillBFair

      @Matthew Rettenmund: My P.S. about madonna was not directed at you, but at the naysayers here.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Drew
      Drew

      @Christopher Di Spirito: I agree!

      She’s not like Cyndi with her Give a damn program for GLBT youth/parents of GLBT youth, and even though people like to shit on Lady Gaga she’s more of an ally to GLBT people than Madonna ever has been or will be.

      Jan 25, 2012 at 8:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Buddy
      Buddy

      I’m 23 and a huge Madonna fan. So are all of my gay friends…so I don’t get the comment that you have to be over 35 to be a fan of her. I mean, do you got o gay bars? If you do, you’re almost guaranteed to hear at least several Madonna songs per night…

      Jan 25, 2012 at 11:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jay
      Jay

      Some of you trolls need something better to do. I’m 25 and love Madonna, so what? There wouldn’t be a GaGa if it wasn’t for Madonna paving the way. And in the 80’s Madonna’s support of gay rights and AIDS awareness meant 10x more than GaGa going around saying what the majoroty of Americans already believe. Jason, Christoper di spirito STFU and attack the Rick Santorums of the world and not someone that has been an advocate for 30 years

      Jan 25, 2012 at 11:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jules
      Jules

      Madonna has always support the gay communauty. She gives thousands of evidences of that all along her carreer.

      Jan 26, 2012 at 12:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mau!
      Mau!

      The Queen of POP will perform on America’s biggest stage!
      deal with it y’all haters… Madonna is back! <3

      Jan 26, 2012 at 10:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Eric
      Eric

      http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2010/05/21/madonna-condemns-malawi-for-jailing-gay-men/
      Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga were handed the harsh sentence yesterday for holding a traditional marriage ceremony in December.

      Madonna, who is the adoptive mother of two Malawian children and possibly the country’s most famous benefactor, called on the country to challenge the court’s decision.

      She said in a statement to Access Hollywood: “I am shocked and saddened by the decision made today by the Malawian court, which sentenced two innocent men to prison.

      “As a matter of principle, I believe in equal rights for all people, no matter what their gender, race, colour, religion, or sexual orientation.

      “Today, Malawi took a giant step backward. The world is filled with pain and suffering; therefore, we must support our basic human right to love and be loved.

      “I call upon the progressive men and women of Malawi – and around the world – to challenge this decision in the name of human dignity and equal rights for all.”

      It is the first time the singer has spoken publicly about the couple’s plight. They have been in custody since December and denied the charges of gross indecency and unnatural acts.

      Jan 29, 2012 at 7:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Crash2Parties
      Crash2Parties

      http://gaytoday.com/people/041403pe.asp

      Read it if you are under maybe…45(?) and don’t realize how much of an ally Madonna was back when Ron was busy ignoring AIDS and George the First followed up with his own style of abandonment. She took a lot more risk supporting your community than most celebrities then or now.

      I remember a few of the events mentioned in that link; you didn’t find out about them so much in the mainstream media and there was no Internet equivalent back then, so I don’t thing she was doing it for the publicity the way Gaga sometimes seems to do.

      So yeah, she’s old. And no longer all that relevant. Still, show some appreciation for what you have because of her…

      Jan 30, 2012 at 3:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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