10 Things I Learned About Finding True Love from Watching The Bachelorette

Ashley got beat at her own dating game when the sweet-talking, two-faced Bentley pretended to be into her. He then trashed her behind her back and left her abruptly. Ashley, normal girl that she is, kept obsessing over “the dot, dot, dot,”—a.k.a. what could have been—for half the season.

Fortunately, she regained some  dignity when Bentley came back on the show and met her in Hong Kong to extend his 15 minutes of fame by telling her he was really just not that into her. “You had to come all the way here to tell me that?” Ashley questioned. “You should have called.”  

4. Know When To Let Go: Bentley was’nt the only contestant to say sayonara to our tragic normal girl. After Ashley confessed to the rest of the crew that she had been fawning over Bentley even after he had ditched her, the guys began questioning her character and having second thoughts. Mickey (pictured shirtless) voluntarily left that night, proving that love is a two-way street. “I’m not cut out for this,” became Ashley’s teary slogan throughout the season.

Later, Constantine also decided to check out early, citing a lack of connection. Which was a total mood kill since he was Ashley’s “physical ideal” (think a Greek George of the Jungle), and left right before their overnight date in the fantasy suite, a.k.a. the sexual equivalent of a test drive. Ouch!

5. Don’t Take Any Chances:

And his bad-boy behavior did not stop there. Later, he told Ashley that fellow contestant Ben C. had been considering joining dating sites. Insecure Ashley decided her heart was too brittle to take any chances so she dismissed Ben C. right on the spot. Nothing can justify an eHarmony account.

William’s sleazy grin didn’t last very long, though; he was dumped later that evening, but producers rewarded his backstabbing personality by asking him to join Bachelor Pad: ABC’s spin-off response to Jersey Shore.

6. Have Him Fight For You (Literally): As the season progressed, Ashley got serious about finding her true love and lifelong partner. So of course, she had to see the contestants shirtless, and sweaty, and beating the shit out of each other in a testosterone-fueled Thai kickboxing match.

Mickey (shirtless left) made it out of the ring in one hunk, but Ames (shirtless right) was not as adequate using his pumped-up biceps. He got a concussion and had to be hospitalized. He returned shortly and continued vying for Ashley’s affections, but he was forever more a little bit… slower.

7. Sometimes Hot, Rich And Nice Just Isn’t Enough: By far the biggest frustration with modern dating is meeting a really hot guy who is a successful executive with a big heart who’s willing to fly halfway around the world to see you again—and realizing you’re just blah about him. Ashley seemed to have more fun talking to a piece of white bread than going on a date with Ryan (pictured shirtless). The overeager contestant was kicked off but flew back to Fiji just to make sure Ashley didn’t have any regrets. She didn’t. Some people just prefer a Dark Knight over a Captain America.

8. Don’t Listen To Your Bitch Sister: After getting quite serious with JP (pictured shirtless), Ashley brought him to meet her family. Everyone fell for JP’s dimples and his down-to-earth stance. Well, everyone but for Ashley’s bitter, bitch sister (Ashley’s words, not mine), who seemed to be going out of her way to cause drama. Which is quite unusual for people to do in reality TV.

Luckily, Ashley decided to ignore her sister’s disapproval because at the end of the day, finding a husband is more important than indulging sibling schadenfreude. 

9. Don’t Sugarcoat Breaking His Heart: Normal girl Ashley kept Ben F. around until she was 165% sure  JP was going to seal the deal. Safe? Yes. Necessary? Maybe. Unfair? Of course. Shitty? That’s love.

Ben F. (pictured shirtless) even got down on one knee. Ashley could have easily stopped him before he made a total fool out of himself on national television, but she decided to listen to his entire proposal (and check out the ring, of course) before finally saying, “um, next.” Ben then walked away all awkward as Ashley spat out vague, half-felt compliments. “I don’t need you to sugarcoat this,” Ben stopped her in her tracks. Why can’t we still be friends with a guy you once dated but don’t intend to ever marry? Whatever happened to ending on good terms? “Good things don’t end unless they end badly,” Ben explained.