
Luckily, when navigating through lust at first sight and premature marriage proposals, I can turn to reality TV.
The seventh season of the ABCâs The Bachelorette has come to an end, and Ashley Herbert found her match with JP, my personal favorite from the very beginning (but only because I have thing for Jewish guys). The couple is still together after almost a month, which in Bachelor/ette terms, is deserving of at least sharing each otherâs STD test results.
And all it took was two reality shows, three contestants choosing to leave of their own accord, one hospitalization, someone getting blackout drunk on the first night, a guy in a creepy mask, a two-faced attention whore, a non-stop tour of Southeast Asia, being called unattractive on national television, and someone coming backâtwice! âIt was all worth it,â Ashley said as JP put a ring on it. In the end, there were even some leftovers for Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Who says modern romance is over? Here are the ten most valuable lessons I learned about finding true love from watching this season of The Bachelorette (plus shirtless pics of all the hot contestants):
Ashley got beat at her own dating game when the sweet-talking, two-faced Bentley pretended to be into her. He then trashed her behind her back and left her abruptly. Ashley, normal girl that she is, kept obsessing over âthe dot, dot, dot,ââa.k.a. what could have beenâfor half the season.
Fortunately, she regained some dignity when Bentley came back on the show and met her in Hong Kong to extend his 15 minutes of fame by telling her he was really just not that into her. âYou had to come all the way here to tell me that?â Ashley questioned. âYou should have called.â Â

4. Know When To Let Go: Bentley wasânt the only contestant to say sayonara to our tragic normal girl. After Ashley confessed to the rest of the crew that she had been fawning over Bentley even after he had ditched her, the guys began questioning her character and having second thoughts. Mickey (pictured shirtless) voluntarily left that night, proving that love is a two-way street. âIâm not cut out for this,â became Ashleyâs teary slogan throughout the season.
Later, Constantine also decided to check out early, citing a lack of connection. Which was a total mood kill since he was Ashleyâs âphysical idealâ (think a Greek George of the Jungle), and left right before their overnight date in the fantasy suite, a.k.a. the sexual equivalent of a test drive. Ouch!

And his bad-boy behavior did not stop there. Later, he told Ashley that fellow contestant Ben C. had been considering joining dating sites. Insecure Ashley decided her heart was too brittle to take any chances so she dismissed Ben C. right on the spot. Nothing can justify an eHarmony account.
Williamâs sleazy grin didnât last very long, though; he was dumped later that evening, but producers rewarded his backstabbing personality by asking him to join Bachelor Pad: ABCâs spin-off response to Jersey Shore.

6. Have Him Fight For You (Literally):Â As the season progressed, Ashley got serious about finding her true love and lifelong partner. So of course, she had to see the contestants shirtless, and sweaty, and beating the shit out of each other in a testosterone-fueled Thai kickboxing match.
Mickey (shirtless left) made it out of the ring in one hunk, but Ames (shirtless right) was not as adequate using his pumped-up biceps. He got a concussion and had to be hospitalized. He returned shortly and continued vying for Ashleyâs affections, but he was forever more a little bit⌠slower.

7. Sometimes Hot, Rich And Nice Just Isnât Enough: By far the biggest frustration with modern dating is meeting a really hot guy who is a successful executive with a big heart whoâs willing to fly halfway around the world to see you againâand realizing youâre just blah about him. Ashley seemed to have more fun talking to a piece of white bread than going on a date with Ryan (pictured shirtless). The overeager contestant was kicked off but flew back to Fiji just to make sure Ashley didnât have any regrets. She didnât. Some people just prefer a Dark Knight over a Captain America.

8. Donât Listen To Your Bitch Sister: After getting quite serious with JP (pictured shirtless), Ashley brought him to meet her family. Everyone fell for JPâs dimples and his down-to-earth stance. Well, everyone but for Ashleyâs bitter, bitch sister (Ashleyâs words, not mine), who seemed to be going out of her way to cause drama. Which is quite unusual for people to do in reality TV.
Luckily, Ashley decided to ignore her sisterâs disapproval because at the end of the day, finding a husband is more important than indulging sibling schadenfreude.Â

9. Donât Sugarcoat Breaking His Heart: Normal girl Ashley kept Ben F. around until she was 165% sure JP was going to seal the deal. Safe? Yes. Necessary? Maybe. Unfair? Of course. Shitty? Thatâs love.
Ben F. (pictured shirtless) even got down on one knee. Ashley could have easily stopped him before he made a total fool out of himself on national television, but she decided to listen to his entire proposal (and check out the ring, of course) before finally saying, âum, next.â Ben then walked away all awkward as Ashley spat out vague, half-felt compliments. âI donât need you to sugarcoat this,â Ben stopped her in her tracks. Why canât we still be friends with a guy you once dated but donât intend to ever marry? Whatever happened to ending on good terms? âGood things donât end unless they end badly,â Ben explained.

10. What Goes Around Comes Around: Finding love is all about making choices and lowering your expectations. At the end of the studio-lit sunset, life goes on. And in reality TV, one Bachelorâs sloppy seconds is the next guyâs claim to fame. Ashleyâs exes William, Blake, and Ames (pictured shirtless) are currently swapping spit with former female contestants on Bachelor Pad. Ben F. is rumored to star as the next Bachelor. Hope still exists that they, too, will find love for a lifetimeâor at least long enough to land on the cover of US Weekly.
Now I know itâs till death or Dancing with the Stars do us part.
wtf
What a bunch of douchebag whores.
phallus
Ya think? Wish Bravo would bring back Boy meets Boy or the reality show where the woman had to pick between 3 guys, one or two may be gay. That’s real reality. đ
Thomas
What about a lesbian show for the ladies? Or is that The L Word?
Bootsiegee
I am sorry but what in the world is a recap of The Bachelorette doing on Queerty. Please don’t say it is to look at shirtless men, there are other sites that do it much better. This show panders to straigh America’s stupidity with it’s contrived “dates” and totally manipulated drama. Not only have they never cast a minoirity, they have a terrible track record when it comes to successful relationships. I think two marriages after 22 seasons. Come on Queerty you can do better.
Tony
@Bootsiegee:
“This show panders to straigh Americaâs stupidity with itâs contrived âdatesâ and totally manipulated drama. ”
Yep because GAYS just hate that.
BTW, you couldn’t pay me to watch this show.
alan Balehead
this show is so crap!!! equal rights now!
STudent
I hate how freaking white that show is. I don’t think a single person of color has been on the show for multiple seasons
Alex Sarmiento
There hasn’t even been a Bachelor or Bachelorette who wasn’t white. Not even a biracial one. It’s the most “straight white people” show on television… apart from American Idol.
Guillermo3
JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT OVER-PUMPED HUNKS ARE LIKE THIS STORY:BORING!!
MikeE
this article was VERY funny with the leitmotif of “(pictured shirtless)”… I chuckled every time.
because, come on, other than seeing the dudes shirtless, why bother watching this show?
Scott
I watch every episode because I believe in the sanctity of marriage.
Meowzer
@phallus:
I LOVED that show!! That’s one I wish would come back.
Brooks Shankles
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Brady Halgas
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Luba Jessamy
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