A 20-something man says he recently logged onto his dad’s personal computer and made a shocking discovery. Now, he’s turning to Reddit for help.
It all started when the man, who claims to be 26 and straight, used his father’s laptop to go to YouTube.
“As I typed in ‘you’ it tried to autofill me into the website Youporn with some homosexual title to the video,” the man writes. “At first I couldn’t believe what I was seeing given my father has been married to my mother for around 20 years.”
The man says his father is generally a “pretty negative and miserable person to be around,” but he’s never given any indication that he might be into dudes.
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“As I continued to go down his history, I saw gay porn going back for the past month,” he continues. “I stopped looking from there.”
Now, he says, he’s at a total loss for what to do.
“My mother is the sweetest and most caring person and this will tear her apart in complete shock,” he writes, “but on the other hand I feel awful for my father knowing that he’s probably been keeping this secret for his whole life, making him miserable.”
The man asks his fellow Redditors for their advice. Naturally, they have lots to say about the matter.
“The only thing I could see myself doing is maaaaaybe asking your dad about it,” one person writes. “It’s not your place to spread it all over the family. If you do discuss it, then he knows you know, and the ball will be in his court to discuss it with your mom.”
“I’m happily married to a woman but about half the porn i watch is gay,” another person says. “Porn is about fantasy and not about reality. Maybe your dad is bi and curious. Maybe he has a fantasy but considers himself straight. I don’t know and neither do you.”
To which another person adds, “You should never out someone. You can ask him about it, but he could be completely straight and still like gay porn.”
A fourth person writes: “Bisexuality is largely erased from queer culture but it is important to consider that he is attracted to both your mom and men … He could be completely straight and just like gay porn … Not everything is as simple as it seems and sexuality is extremely fluid.”
What do you think this guy should do? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
sanfranca1
He should just keep his mouth shut. Period.
Wicked Dickie
But I thought it was cool that straight guys like to masturbate together and cuddle together? Queerty’s homepage has 2 such reports on heterosexual guys seeking homosexual encounters but who are still heterosexual. Right?
PinkoOfTheGange
How does this article challenge that premise?
txlthrboy
He was on his Dad’s computer and snooped. He found out way more than he wanted to know. He should stop to consider how he might feel had the roles been reversed. I would suggest he keep this newfound information to himself. If he really feels the need to extend himself, he could offer to listen should his Dad ever need to talk. He might also send him a “helpful article” on the benefits of auto-purging one’s computer history (in the name of cyber-security, of course). Dad’s probably a smart guy- he’ll connect the dots.
In short, it’s NUNYA.
djbear
I was married 34 years and my son who was University age found some gay sites I had visited. He was highly critical. I stayed in the marriage even for awhile after my former wife became physically abusive. That prompted me to come out to her and we had counselling where I came out as well. In the end I left the marriage and even though I care for my ex, I must say I have been a happier person since coming out – and I have come out to everyone if they ask or if I feel they need to know. The 10 or so years between coming out to myself and coming out to the world were difficult psychologically for me.
JessPH
How was your sex life? I couldn’t imagine how awkward it is for a gay man to have sex with a woman. I could probably stomach the vaginal sex but eating pus$y is definitely out of the question.
GorgeousNotGeorge
Simple. there was a virus and his not so computer savvy father got all the gay porn sites, then he just turned off the computer.
Unless the father had exhibited any secretive rendezvous with others, I think this is just fodder for Reddit users
DAChristel
There is a resource for your dad should he decide to be who he truly is: a gay man. I published a how-to book for men in this situation titled “Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.” The book is for the entire family and can be purchased on Amazon. Best of luck to your dad and family.
Brian
Just from that, you’ve decided that you know who the dad truly is, huh?
Curtispsf
It’s really very simple. Somehow, Dad stumbled upon this site called Queerty where he read articles about straight guys “cuddling, bro-bonding and having oral sex with each other” so he thought “where’s the harm in checking out these type of sites”?
In a past life, I used to troll Reddit where I posted very detailed “stories” about my younger brother “seducing” me. Some thirst-crazed gays lapped it up like kittens drinking from a saucer of milk offering all sorts of “bro” advice.
Brian
On cam4, whenever I saw a guy who labeled himself as straight, the comments would be filled with bro this and bro that. It always cracked me up that so many guys thought that is how you relate to a straight man.
Brian
How about, as a general rule in life, if you stumble onto somebody’s dirty little secret, that isn’t hurting anyone, you just keep your f***ucking mouth shut and let them have it? Nobody owes anybody an explanation of something that wasn’t their business to begin with.
YouNeverKnow
It depends on who this “somebody” is. I accidentally found out my ex was still watching porn behind my back on a daily basis, on his computer and his cell phone, even after he promised to quit the porn addiction. I don’t pretend to know what this addiction was all about but I have little tolerance for unfaithfulness. We broke up soon after and I kicked him out the following week. Apparently he has a new beau now and they both watch porn together according to him. To each his own, I guess.
Brian
That’s why I said “that isn’t hurting anyone”.
Bryguyf69
YouNeverKnow
Watching porn constitutes “unfaithfulness”? Does fantasizing about someone else also violate your rules of fidelity? So do you subject your partner’s electronic devices to regular scrutiny, and demand to know what he’s thinking? As someone with a background in counseling, including couples counseling, I feel sorry for you. When you seek to control your partner’s PRIVATE thoughts and actions, the relationship is doomed for failure. Get some counseling before subjecting your partners and yourself to more misery. Seriously.
YouNeverKnow
Bryguy, you obviously has no clue on what it is like to be with a guy obsessed with sex, a sex crazed man hiding in the bathroom pleasuring himself, sometimes multiple times a day. You have to constantly compete for his attention with his porn addiction. Yes, I consider watching porn alone an act of infidelity because addiction is a sign of lack of self control and moral failing, a huge character flaw if you ask me.
lovethyneighbor
This is a difficult situation given the fact he is your father. Many of the comments I am seeing about keeping your mouth shut are from people looking at it from one person sees that another one is looking at gay porn. In this situation, there is the issue, for you, about betraying your mother by keeping the secret.
It’s not your place to talk to your mom about it. I know you love her, and you are worried about how this will effect her; however, I feel you should speak to your father about it. Otherwise, the situation with your father is going to be more awkward than it probably is already. Keep in mind, he may just simply tell you that it’s none of your business; however, it may give him the courage to move forward with a few things in his life that he has been pondering for quite some time.
When you find yourself in a situation, such as this one between your parents, you have to ask yourself, what is the reason I need to talk to my dad about this evidence? Also, you have to realize that your father made his choices in choosing to view gay pornography. It doesn’t seem like it was a temporary need or fixation. I agree with you in that this is highly likely to make your dad the “miserable” person you all have seen.
My advice is to speak to your father about what you came across on his computer, actively listen to him, and then ask where he thinks his feelings are going to lead him (e.g. has he had sex with other men or does he want to). Once he has made his intentions known, then, you have a hard decision to make. Your options are limited but necessary to state if you feel you cannot betray your mother about this.
First, you can let your dad know that you do not feel comfortable keeping this secret from your mother. You can tell him that you are going to give him a little time to talk to her about it. Check in with him in a several day or a week to see if he has had the chat with her. If he hasn’t, tell him that you are going to speak with you mother about it because you don’t feel right keeping from her.
Second, you could go directly to your mother, which would probably lead to the end of your parents’ marriage; however, if he is so miserable in the first place, perhaps this would be a benefit to both of them. On the other hand, they could end of getting divorced and hating each other for the rest of their lives. Personally, I would choose the first option.
I would definitely not feel bad about the decision you make. Your dad’s choices are what brought you, him, and your mother to this moment. Regardless of what the other secret porn-viewers are indicating, you have to decide what you are able to live with. Just be cautious because maybe your dad let another person use the laptop, who is gay or bi. Just ask your father to be completely honest with you. You might get a surprise that it’s your mother, who has been looking up gay porn with him because it strikes both of their fancies. In any event, I am sure you will do what you feel is best.
You are not a bad person no matter what you decide. To me, this is equivalent to a child being out at a restaurant with friends only to notice her/his father or mother kissing someone other than their spouse a few tables across the room. You don’t have to keep your mouth shut, just approach this entire situation with caution because in any event, eventually, someone is going to get hurt in the end.
WSnyder
Everyone and I mean everyone, is entitled to the fundamental right to privacy. If you accidentally [or purposefully] find out about something that someone has been keeping secret, regardless of who it is and/or who the secret is being kept from, it is not your place to speak out about it. Now, the exceptions would be if the secret is something criminal like they killed someone or raped or assaulted or are or were a pedophile, etc. They it’s your duty to bring that to the attention of the authorities. This is not the case here. The father is entitled to having secrets, and it would be up to him when he tells his wife [and frankly, she may already know] and/or his family, IF EVER. If the son tells the mother, his father may never forgive him and honestly, the mother may not either,. It may lead to a divorce, estrangement from the family for the father AND possibly the son [for causing the divorce]. There’s a possibility the mother already knows, it’s just something they never discussed with the kids [understandably so]. Bringing it to anyone’s attention will likely upset the ‘balance’ that the family has had and while some make the argument that it’s better to have it out in the open, that NOT for the son to decide the when and how.
The reason we all keep secrets will vary from person to person. Our secrets maybe the only truly personal thing about us. It is the one [or more] thing[s] that we own without having to share or burden others with. Many people, in vast numbers, say a women has the right to her body. She and only she, should make the decisions for her own body and all the responsibilities that implies. Shouldn’t the same be said about everyone’s personal secrets? If anyone tells you different, it’s likely they would yell the loudest if the secret to be revealed were their own.
Brian
For all the son knows, his dad and mom may watch them together while she shoves a dildo up his butt. This is absolutely a MYOB situation.
And I think the letter is BS anyway. It seems unlikely that he would be typing so slowly that he would even see the history suggestions pop up, and on someone else’s computer would you really try to take shortcuts assuming it was in their history? If it actually is real, the guy was definitely snooping intentionally.
rob Austin
I would say.. Hey dad did you know there are a lot of porn pics on your computer. (not in front of anyone else) just say Did you know about this? Maybe perhaps show him one of the pics and say.. do you want me to delete them? Well I just wanted you to know. That way he knows that you know they are there. Don’t fuss him out about it.. He is an adult and he’s allowed to look at what he wants but just dont single him out for it as you would do the same if it was a younger kid. Just say.. You may not want anyone to find these.
JessPH
A straight man never watches gay porn because he’s not attracted to men. Similarly, a gay man would never watch lesbian sex because he’s not attracted to women.
seaguy
Maybe dad wants to ditch the bitch and make the switch?
Sfboi2000
Would like to say that I’m openly gay and I found out my dad has been watching gay porn on his phone. I think he’s having sex with are roommate. Who is a bi or what ever he claimed himself to be. I’ve confronted my dad he denied that he incapable of getting a bonner. Or interested in Sex . He did tell me he may be bi curious. After I told him about the porn I found cause he froze up his phone I guess I’m waiting for him to discover it him self and it’s his desition but yet I’m not sure how I really feel about it….. For now I don’t ask and I don’t wanna know.
scotty
fake. and not nearly gay enough.