Hankering for somewhere that brings all the Catholic Church’s condemnations of homosexuality together in one place? You’re in luck. The Vatican is introducing a new news information portal that aggregates all the antigay attacks in print, online, radio and television media in a single place. The new site, www.news.va, was personally overseen by Pope Benedict XVI.

The site debuted on the 60th anniversary of Benedict’s ordination as a priest, which would ordinarily call for diamonds as the appropriate gift, but we figured that a guy who has red pumps probably already has everything he needs.

The goal of the site is to share the Vatican’s news, aka the finest thoughts of the 14th century, with the world. It will even use social media, which promises to be the ecclesiastical equivalent of your great-aunt’s Facebook page. We will be interested to see what they do with the remaining 133 characters in their Tweets, once they’ve used up “gay” and “hell.”

Msgr. Claudio Maria Celli (no, we don’t know if he’s friends call him Mary for short), who heads the Vatican office that developed the portal, says it will help the Vatican’s ossified bureaucracy better understand how to communicate with the world. Benedict could use a little help in that area himself, having tripped repeatedly over his tongue, such as suggesting that condom distribution “even aggravates the problems” of the HIV epidemic—unlike, say the Vatican policy of preferring HIV infection to disease prevention.

It’s not just the rest of the world that the Vatican is trying to catch up with. It’s also its own rank and file. Many priests are already well versed in how to use the Internet, judging from the volume of them who have been accused of harboring child pornography on their computers.

Photo via Osservatore Romano

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