Picture it. Kim Kardashian splits with her husband Kanye West and almost immediately rebounds with, say, Eminem. After several weeks of intense tabloid coverage, Kardashian posts an Instagram livestream video with a message to her fans.
“Don’t stop believing,” she says. “There are good white men out there. I used to think, Once you go black, you can’t go back, because all white guys were evil. But I was wrong. You don’t have to go black. You just have to find a good white guy. I found mine. So can you.”
Imagine the outrage that would follow. It probably would lead to a backlash of Roseanne Barr proportions, possibly even resulting in the swift cancellation of her E! reality series Keeping Up with the Kardashians — and deservedly so. No one has ever accused Kardashian of being particularly woke or enlightened, and I still couldn’t imagine her saying anything quite so tone deaf.
So what was Miley Cyrus, an artist who promotes herself as the ultimate socially aware superstar, thinking when she suggested that lesbianism is merely a reaction to douche-y straight men? I rolled my eyes and kept the judgment to myself as she went from husband Liam Hemsworth to flaunting revenge fling Kaitlynn Carter to flaunting revenge fling Cody Simpson (poor Liam). After all, newly single girls just want to have fun. Fair enough.
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Then on October 20, she lost all of the goodwill I was wasting on her when she posted a livestream video on Instagram with Simpson in which she said:
“There are good men out there, guys. Don’t give up. You don’t have to be gay. There are good people with d*cks out there. You’ve just got to find them. You’ve got to find a d*ck that’s not a d*ck, you know? I always thought I had to be gay, because I thought all guys were evil, but it’s not true. There are good people out there that just happen to have d*cks. I’ve only ever met one, and he’s on this live.”
Naturally, backlash ensued — though, of course, not of Roseanne Barr proportions because it’s apparently more acceptable to make harmful statements about sexual orientation than it is to make them about race. And naturally, Cyrus offered one of those lame, predictable celebrity non-apologies on Twitter.
“I was talking sh*t about sucky guys, but let me be clear, YOU don’t CHOOSE your sexuality,” she wrote. “You are born as you are. It has always been my priority to protect the LGBTQ community I am a part of. Happy Monday!”
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) October 21, 2019
Her clarification, just like the video that made it necessary, shows that Cyrus, for all her declarations of queerness, doesn’t quite get it. Women gripe about “sucky” guys all the time without bringing sexual orientation into it. Hasn’t she ever watched The Golden Girls or Sex and the City?
She is not just another attention-seeking starlet who spoke out of turn. Cyrus, like Lady Gaga and Madonna, has deliberately positioned herself as a spokesperson for the LGBTQ cause. She identified herself as “pansexual” before many people even knew what that meant. Earlier this year, she said she and her soon-to-be-ex-husband were “redefining … what it looks like for someone that’s a queer person like myself to be in a hetero relationship,” as if marrying one of Hollywood’s hunkiest — and straightest — movie stars was some revolutionary and unprecedented act.
Seriously, as Nicki Minaj might ask, what’s good, Miley?
As tempted as I am to wave it all off and say, “She’s just a silly 26-year-old who misspoke,” I can’t let this go that easily. By so publicly and cavalierly suggesting that lesbianism is the reaction of angry heterosexual women to “evil” heterosexual men, she not only fueled the anti-gay arsenal of any homophobes who were paying attention, but she also showed a complete lack of regard for the complexity of sexual orientation.
Being gay is not a reaction to emotional trauma — or to a horrible experience or horrible experiences with the opposite sex — but now, it seems, that can of worms is open. While discussing Cyrus on the October 21 episode of The Talk, co-host Marie Osmond talked about being sexually abused as a child and how it led her to question her own sexuality.
“When I was 8 or 9, I actually thought I was gay,” she said. “And the reason is because I had been sexually abused to the point that men made me sick. I didn’t trust them. I didn’t like them.”
I held my breath while listening to Osmond’s comment and then exhaled. I got it — sort of. She wasn’t suggesting that being sexually abused by a man could have made her gay. She was saying that it made her wary of men in a way that caused her to question her sexuality. To the adult mind, the psychology behind the repulsion she was feeling toward men might seem obvious, but she was so young. She didn’t yet have the tools to make the leap from A to B instead of from A to C.
Miley, though, is a grown woman who has, for years, aligned herself with the LGBTQ community and, some would say, benefitted from it. It’s not enough to say you are one of us, publicly cavort with someone of the same gender, and call yourself “queer.” You can’t just talk the talk and walk the walk when it works in your favor. You have to live and breathe it, too. At the very least, that means being extra-careful what you put on social media.
I’m not saying that Miley doesn’t care about our community. I believe she does. But she needs to think more and show out less. It’s OK if she wants to bait her soon-to-be ex-husband and show him how great she’s doing without him. She’s not the first person to use social media to make that point.
I just hope that in the future, she leaves “gay” out of it.
Jeremy Helligar is a journalist from the U.S. Virgin Islands and the author of the travelogue/memoir Is It True What They Say About Black Men? He’s written for People magazine, Us Weekly, Entertainment Weekly, The Advocate, HuffPost, The Root, and Variety, among many other publications and websites. After spending 13 years living and working in Argentina, Thailand, Australia, South Africa, and throughout Europe, he’s back in New York City, plotting his next move and getting ready to drop his second book.
rustyiam
The alt left SJW crowd ( who are NOT liberals) are some of the most judgmental self righteous f*ckers ever!
James_J_95
Social justice politics has become a magnet for the self-absorbed and professional complainers.
Hdtex
@rustyiam herrrrr DURRRRRR
Cam
Sweetie, if you’re going to troll, try not pasting the same comment every time.
Oh, and let’s dissect the “Insult” you think is so on point. “SJW”. Social Justice Warrior, so in other words, you use the fact that somebody would like to see justice as an insult. Thank you for exposing just how far down the hole Republicans have gone.
jcoberkrom
She’s not an ally she’s a media whore.
Wicked Dickie
She’s just a whore.
Sister Bertha Bedderthanyu
Its inconceivable to believe there are any amongst you who don’t see Miley for the drugged out spoiled brat she is. Liam is getting even with her by being silent about the mistake he made when he hooked up with her. It won’t be long before she announces she has a “prescription pill” problem and is going to the Betty Ford Center for treatment but those of us who have been around for a minute see the signs of coke abuse everywhere. She is out of control and this garbage called social media and its “importance” is at the root of her problem (as well as the coke).
James_J_95
Amen to everything you said. Miley is nothing more than a self-absorbed, attention seeking straight girl who hops on bandwagons for attention. Her memoir 20 years from now will be all about her neuroses and demons from this era, and her ‘pansexuality’ and ‘non-binary’ identity will be long forgotten.
The fact that so many in our community still can’t recognize her type is embarrassing.
Donston
One reality we do need to accept is that sexual trauma/abuse can have an impact on people’s sense of self, their sense of gender, their orientation, their preferences, their motivations, their mental state and struggles. It seems to rarely have anything to do with genuinely inherent and life-long homosexuality. But that type of stuff does seem to be a contributing factor to a lot of people’s “queerness”, “confusions”, fluidity, misogyny, self-misogyny, misandry, self-misandry, internalized homophobia, etc. That is something we need to start understanding, recognizing and being sympathetic towards. And there are indeed people who seem more driven more by disgust and resentment towards a certain type of person than driven by anything else. As someone who is inherently pan-sexual and has overall homo preferences and relationship ambitions I get accused of “hating women” or not finding the right woman who will understand and accept me. And it gets frustrating. I just love to love men and get persistent love and affection and comfort from someone of my sex. It doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel towards women. Some will say I “choose” to be “gay”, but I don’t really care. As I’ve said quite a few times, everyone is different, has different experiences, different journeys and different motivations. I can sympathize with Miley because I can tell she’s been through some shit and is still going through stuff. But I also see that she has a limited view of things and only sees other people’s lives from her experiences and battles. I also see that she mostly uses “queerness” as a way to net attention, to validate her own struggles and to justify some of her immature antics. She is as well obsessed with publicly agitating her ex, which makes her come off as a brat who can’t move on. She’s definitely got a lot of growing up to do, a lot of educating herself to do and some mental (perhaps drug) struggles to confront.
James_J_95
We can be sympathetic but that shouldn’t require us to pretend they are genuinely LGBT. This refusal to judge has turned the community into a magnet for neurotics and trend hoppers.
Sister Bertha Bedderthanyu
@James…..”This refusal to judge has turned the community into a magnet for neurotics and trend hoppers.”
There was an article on here a few days ago that caused me to give some serious thought to the mentality of people who comment on this site. The article was about prepuberty CHILDREN being encouraged or allowed by their parents to announce to the world they were trans, gay……you name it. I could not believe how many commenters who supported those parents and kids seem to not be able to grasp that if these nine and ten year kids aren’t being taught there are certain societal “rules” that are going to be followed whether they liked them or not at that young of an age then how are they going to react to regular authority (as in obey the police, the rules of the jobs they have…etc). I just don’t think I could get ready for any of my teenage nephews (fifteen and younger presently) coming to Thanksgiving dinner with a loud mouth no manners trans kid their age dresses like a little tramp he just picked up off the street. (The door is open to all relatives and they are free to bring up to two guest with them). Things are already out of hand and idiots like this spoiled little rich girl is making it worse.
Donston
You may not like it but the definitions of all these different terms have changed through generations and are pretty much up for grabs. And if you don’t feel completely your born gender all the time and/or you’re not entirely heterosexual in every way you can fit into whatever “queer category”. I’ve learned to just be okay with it, because struggles with past sexual traumas and struggling with understanding yourself is real. Homosexuality, bisexuality, fluidity, never experiencing fluidity, the romantic/sexual/affection/relationship spectrum- it’s all real. And you can’t determine anyone’s life or whatever identities they embrace or don’t embrace. All you can do is educated people, check people when they’re being problematic or they’re spewing ignorance and listen to people.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Last August, singer and actress Miley Cyrus added some new ink to her body: a small “equals” sign on her ring finger, in support of same-sex marriage.
The 19-year-old, who has become an activist for gay rights in recent months, has penned a piece for Glamour magazine that explains why she decided to tattoo the cause to her body.
Cyrus writes that the idea of not being able to marry the person you love more than anything in the world makes her “feel sick to her stomach.” She explained that when she first shared a photo of her new tattoo on her Twitter page and wrote, “All LOVE is equal,” she was mocked and inundated with comments asking: “What happened to you? You used to be a Christian girl!'”
Miley responded with grace to her critics writing, “If you were a true Christian you would have your facts straight. Christianity is about love.” The debate resulted in threats and hate mail and eventually led her to asking everyone to just “lay off.”
Miley explains in Glamour, “I believe every American should be allowed the same rights and civil liberties. Without legalized same-sex marriage, most of the time you cannot share the same health benefits, you are not considered next of kin and you are not granted the same securities as a heterosexual couple. How is this different than having someone sit in the back of the bus because of their skin color?”
From a Huffington Post article. Please don’t spew any nonsense she is not an true supporter of our community.
drmiller
It was a gaf; plain and simple. Open mouth, insert foot. Are people REALLY this bothered by that comment? Good grief, get a grip! We cannot be this sensitive to an ALY! You guys, the girl is bi. She has a history of being attracted to men AND women. Period. End of story. If you don’t like how she views the world (something she is entitled to and we have zero control over) i have a solution for everyone that is well worth trying: why don’t we all start minding our own business!? This nit picking over labels and words is so BORING! There are literal US politicians trying to take away LGBTQ+ rights. There are countries who publicly hang their gay citizens. And we’re squabbling about some poor choice of words Miley Cyrus posted to social media? Let’s keep perspective here people!
Miley, if you read this, ignore all this ridiculous hate. I know what you meant, and I know where your values are. Yes poor choice of words, but your track record speaks for itself. Thanks girl!
Donston
When you’re trying to be a “queer icon” and unabashedly looking to influence others’ viewpoints then the standards are different. Miley has had a good amount of instances of “poor word choices”, which is inevitable when you’re constantly aiming for “outspoken”. Aiming to be a modern “queer icon” entails more than just promoting sex and outlandishness and telling everyone to be nice to each other. You have to learn how to express yourself, understand how what you say and do will be interpreted, and you need to thoroughly do your research. She needs to get it together in a few regards. But I certainly don’t resent her, and I’m not going to hold this over her head.
Hdtex
Miley is white trash, human garbage
inbama
Her comments illustrate the kind of confused mindset that cause many lesbians to be leery of getting involved with bisexuals.
But hey, let’s all be judgmental PC police, and rather than listen to their tales of heartbreak, pronounce them biphobic.
Crystix
Last I checked she was bisexual. Since when is the “B” an ally?