travel

Atlantis Launching World’s Largest Cruise Of Semen-Loving Seamen

On Sunday, Royal Caribbean’s Allure of the Seas — a two-month-old, 225,282-ton behemoth that’s purportedly the world’s second-largest largest(?) cruise ship — will depart from Fort Lauderdale loaded with five thousand four hundred queers. Atlantis Events, which is leasing the ocean liner, claims the seven-night voyage to the Bahamas, St. Maarten, and St. Thomas, is the largest gay cruise ever. What could be more pleasant than boarding an enormous moving vessel packed with a small stadium’s worth of possible hook ups?

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18 Comments

  • meego

    Um, gee, I dunno. Having a steady boyfriend for those of us into that kind of thing?

  • Taylor

    @ Meego: what does one have to do with the other?

  • divkid

    rear admirals…roger the cabin boy …seaman stains….

    *drum roll…. cymbal crash*

    thank you, thank you … i’ll be here all week. try the veal

  • Anonymous

    You guys need to fact check.

    It’s the largest cruise ship beating the Oasis of the Seas by 5 centimeters.

    And the cruise is going to the Caribbean, not Mexico or Haiti

  • brandon h

    I’d love to go but no one over 175lbs or with body hair is allowed on board unless they take a vow of celibacy.

  • jason

    This will be like a floating bath-house. Granted, ordinary cruises aren’t much different.

    However, when you put horny men with horny men, it becomes a cesspool. I hope there’s a clinic at the first port of call.

  • Soupy

    Oh Jason, your self shame is sad.

  • jason

    Soupy,

    Unlike many in the gay male community, my sense of self does not depend on my ability to have sex with total strangers to whom I am fifth or sixth in the queue.

    I have dignity, class and a sense of moderation.

  • Soupy

    And a real psychiatric problem. Good luck with that.

  • redgalaxoid

    Oh yeah, because anything gay related MUST be sex related. No, it can’t just be couples or groups of friends wanting to have a vacation in a friendly, open environment. No. If they’re gay, those 5400 people MUST be looking for a hook up.

  • B

    No. 6 · jason wrote, “However, when you put horny men with horny men, it becomes a cesspool. I hope there’s a clinic at the first port of call.”

    If a particular cruise is de facto a floating sex club, the obvious way to avoid the need for “a clinic at the first port of call” is to do STD tests as people board, and plenty of free condoms just in case.

    Outrageous? Probably, but it would work.

  • jason

    RedGalaxoid,

    My experience talking to people who take these cruises is that they are planning to use it as a sex boat. This is not a case of “oh, let’s peruse the palm trees”. It’s more a case of “pass the penis”.

    The mere fact that this has been marketed as a “gay cruise” is proof positive that it’s a sex cruise. Such segregationist marketing is built on the sex club notion.

    I’m not saying that ordinary cruises aren’t like this. In fact, many of the cruises that are marketed to breeders are designed to play up the presence of bikini-clad whore-cunts. The marketing is targeted towards the breeder male, the woman is the whore-cunt lure.

  • Jim

    Love the smell of fresh hate in the morning.

    You guys are a great example of why we are our own worst enemy.

  • Ken S

    @Anonymous: teehee- spoken like a true size quen :)

  • Ken S

    @Anonymous: *queen

  • Justin

    Jason – your belief that the Atlantis cruises are “sex cruises” is inaccurate. My partner and I have been on a few of these together over the course of the past few years – including the Allure cruise that ended this past weekend – and we have yet to have sex with anyone else. On every cruise, we have met lots of people like us. The cruises have good entertainment, and are a convenient way for spread out groups of friends to gather and hang out for a week. Lots of people aboard come from places where they have to be pretty closeted. There certainly are people aboard looking to hook up, and there are people aboard who have a lot of sex, but there are more people who are just looking to relax with friends in a gay environment.

  • Lu Larry

    My husband and I have been on many cruises in the past few years. We have been on numerous different cruise lines but out of all of them nothing compares to World Cruise
    . If you haven’t cruised with them you should check them out! We have never had a more enjoyable experience!

  • J.T.

    @brandon h: The ads made it clear. Only the young, the beautiful, the buff, and the flawless need both to board. It’s all about the hedonistic club scene, a sort of of floating White (or Blue or Black or Teal or Pink or Chartruese) Party.

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