A 29-year-old bisexual man has written to his local advice columnist, Harish Iyer a.k.a. the “Rainbow Man.”
The man explains that he’s known he was bisexual since he was a teenager and that he feels “more inclined towards men” though he’s never actually had “a proper sexual relationship with anyone.”
“My problem is that I do not like penetrative sex with anyone,” he writes. “Everywhere around me I see people speaking about sex in the penetrative sense. I feel weird as I do not feel like they do.”
It’s got him questioning: “Am I really bisexual?”
How about we take this to the next level?
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It’s all very frustrating.
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“To find yourself and then to lose yourself, or doubt the authenticity of your own truth, could be the most painful of all traumas,” he writes. “How do I move forward?”
In his response, the Rainbow Man tells the guy not to worry. Despite society’s “obsession” with penetrative sex, he writes, not everyone is into it, and that’s OK!
“I never liked penetrative sex,” he admits. “And believe me, it doesn’t make you less of a bisexual person.”
Penetrative sex is just one of many sexual act, he says.
“Do not let one sexual position define the entirety of your sexual feelings.”
He adds:
However, I should also add that a sexual relationship is not only about us, it is also about the person we are having sex with. They may want penetrative sex… so it would be nice if we could have a frank conversation. Conversation about copulation always helps. And if they would only want sex in the penetrative way, move over from them to someone who is more sexually compatible with you.
“Believe me,” Rainbow Man says, “there are enough fish in the pond.”
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PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“Conversation about copulation always helps”
Ahh romance is not dead after all
paul107
He’s not the only one. I’m gay and I have no interest in penetrative sex at all. Some guy said I must be boring…whatever. It’s not about what you do or don’t do in bed, it’s about who you are attracted to.
Kangol
If he’s a man and he’s thinking at all about d!cks he’s probably gay or bi, whether he wants them in his backside or wants to put his in another man’s. Related to this is the fear that some men have about penetration. He should at least try a buttplug or dildo if he can’t bear the thought of another man’s c0ck in him. He might actually like that feeling, at least more than he imagines.
Donston
He never said he’s turned on by penis. Being sexually attracted to men doesn’t equate to loving penis. In fact, that’s only a minor part of finding men sexually appealing (a dick is just a singular body part). He could very well only be turned on by a man’s face. The gender you find persistently and substantially sexually attractive is more connected to face than than anything else. He gave no details about the dimensions of his attractions or what he actually does enjoy sexually. And the majority of bi/fluid/queer/etc identifying men are rarely turned on by the entirety of both men and women. But yes, sexual orientation is not determined by the type of sex you enjoy.
I’m not a huge fan of anal, though I enjoy it to some extent. I wank off to it, and I engage in it with my husband sometimes. But I prefer giving and getting head and eating ass and of course general heavy petting and making out. However, unless you’re disgusted by it, I would suggest at least testing yourself out and trying to get comfortable with it before determining if you like it or not. The beginnings of anal sex isn’t easy for anyone. A lot of people just don’t engage in it for such long periods of time that they become intimated by it.
Heywood Jablowme
Or he might just like oral. You act as if that’s not even a possibility.
“My problem is that I do not like penetrative sex with anyone,” he writes. It’s not 100% clear but I think this implies he HAS tried it.
judysdad
Hey, I’ve been full-out gay all my life and have never felt any desire to get tucked or duck another guy. Has never been an issue for me…at all. Can’t recall ever meeting up with another gay man for sex who couldn’t get into a heavy-duty mutual oral scene.
Mandrake
Unless both partners are into it, it is NOT such a pleasurable experience as portrayed in gay porn where the actors are well lubed and well rehearsed. It’s messy and can be quite smelly and requires a lot of effort! Condom packages, lube, paper towels, and finding the right positions is just not worth the effort for a lot of gay and bisexual men. And that’s OK. Good oral, kissing, mutual JO, and lots of body contact make for very satisfying sex.
adam_stevens
Are you talking about sex or rebuilding an engine?
Creamsicle
What about a straight man who doesn’t like receiving oral sex?Is he still straight?
See how ridiculous that question is? That’s the same level of ridiculous as asking about being bisexual without penerative sex. Sex is not defined strictly by what goes where. It’s about feeling good, having fun, and, ideally, also about loving and caring.
If you can get there with mutual masturbation or oral sex, then that’s just as intimate and sexual as penetration. Finding someone with the same sexual tastes as you might be a little more difficult, though, since he’s right that people (men and women) are usually fixated on penetrative sex.
BivisibleGuy
I am a bi guy who enjoys oral sex, mutual JO and lots of kinky play. My more vanilla (bottom) husband is more fixated on penatrive sex, but we make it work.
Lots of porn and a respect for Sunday morning intimate time makes us happy (whether there is penatrive sex or not).
kyle summers
He probably straight
Donston
We don’t know what his sexual attractions because like a lot of non hetero and non homo identifying men he wasn’t straight-forward about the dimensions or degrees of his sexual attractions and passions. However, finding anal appealing or not appealing has nothing to do with sexual orientation. There are plenty of gay and gay-leaning men who don’t. And there are plenty of hetero and hetero-leaning men who top or bottom with a variety of genders.