In a new interview in which he reflects upon his time in the closet, reality star Colton Underwood, 29, says his fear of being outed made the football locker room a particularly awkward place for him.
Before finding fame on The Bachelor, Underwood was signed in 2014 by the San Diego Chargers. He went on to be on the practice squad for Oakland Raiders and Philadelphia Eagles. He came out as gay earlier this year in an interview on Good Morning America. Earlier this month, Netflix released the docu-series, Coming Out Colton.
Related: Final moments of Colton Underwood Netflix series have viewers asking “WTF?”
Underwood was speaking on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast on Spotify. He said that at the time he was associated with the NFL, there were no out players.
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“The coaches and other players in the locker room weren’t very friendly. The locker room is extremely homophobic, but it’s also very homoerotic.
“It’s like [they’re] slapping [each other’s] asses, commenting on each other’s dicks, and then all of a sudden being called a fag or queer, and all of these derogatories.
“I would be sitting in my locker room and a guy would walk by to go to the shower and comment on another guy’s penis size, like, ‘Dang that’s big,’ stuff like that. Or comment on a nice ass.
“And then, within seconds, if you stare at the dick too long, it’s like, ‘What are you doing fag?’ All of a sudden a flip switches.
“There’s an appropriate time that you can look, but if you take it one second too long, you all of a sudden are gay.
“And it’s super confusing because I’m sitting there like, ‘Wait, maybe other men, especially in this locker room, are questioning [their sexuality] or struggling with their sexuality too.’
“And then as soon as that flicker of hope for me [was ignited] it flipped to slurs and homophobia. And I’d be like, ‘Okay, never mind. It’s just me.’”
Underwood said he would avoid looking at his teammates or showering with them.
“I wouldn’t shower after practice because I was afraid of getting turned on in the locker room or in the shower.”
“I never really was attracted to anybody I played with or coaches so it’s sort of silly to say that, but I wanted to avoid any chance of being outed so I would not shower with the rest of the team.
“I would leave. I would change in a corner or in a stall. There was just a lot of things I did differently from other plays because I felt like I had to. I didn’t want questions to start being asked.
“I stayed completely away from [them], I kept my eyes locked on eyes at all times. I played it very safe because I didn’t want to give anyone a reason to come at me.”
Related: Colton Underwood confirms he’s got a boyfriend and is “in love”
Underwood talked about his childhood, saying he knew he was different from about the age of six, but it wasn’t until high school that he realized he was attracted to men. He said he began to hook up with me from around the age of 21, using a false name.
At the same time, his religious, small-town upbringing had a massive impact on him and his sense of shame. He says that when he was cast on The Bachelor in 2018, he saw it as an opportunity from God to turn straight and find a wife.
“I was thanking God,” he recalled of the moment he heard he’d got a role on the show.
“I was literally praying and saying, ‘Thank you Lord for making me straight. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to find my wife.’
“I thought I could get rid of the spider web of lies I created if I got a fiancé. And once we get married, I’ll be committed and straight and all these urges will go away.”
Related: Perez Hilton explains why he thought it was OK to out other gay celebs
Cam
Any closeted kid who has gone through P.E. in high school and sports in college would know how to navigate a locker room, and to shower without getting turned out.
This seems more like Haynes is creating a story, playing along with that “Gays shouldn’t be in the locker room” idea.
Not sure what he’s thinking here.
EducatedOtter
Had that same feeling! Got huge “gays can’t control themselves and will sexualize everything.”
whateverokok
It’s not about being able to navigate a locker room. It’s about keep your willy from popping out. It’s hard enough for guys to control that. Otherwise, we we wouldn’t have the infamous math class stories. It can be even HARDER for a gay person to keep their willy down. In a shower with a bunch of hot men whether you are attracted to them at all doesn’t matter. The willy will do what the willy wants.
scooterpdx
That was my initial thought but then I remember my high school swim class at an all-boys high school where we had to swim in the nude and at the end of class walk around the pool naked for five minutes to dry off. I was terrified of getting hard (it did not take much at that age) so during class I would continually picture the vaginas of the ugliest girls I knew. Those classes were traumatic.
jayceecook
And yet many GBTQ+ people have told very similar stories for decades. Stick to troll hunting. You’re not very good with biology or psychology.
whateverokok
It’s not about being straight or gay, per se anyway. It’s a fact that there are times guys, whether straight or gay, cannot control their hard ons. You think you’re getting hard ons at night because you want to? Or you’re having some hot dream? Do you think guys love and get off on the idea of having a hard on in math class? NO. That’s the point. It’s not easy being in a locker room. Especially if your gay.
AxelDC
Underwood played football in HS and college, so the locker room scenes couldn’t have been new to him. That’s at least 8 years of football.
ardeshmole
That’s exactly what I was thinking
Phillip
I totally agree with you.
I played different sports all throughout my school years and there were many hot guys on my team. They were ALL ‘hands-off’ and when in the showers one was in there to clean up and keep your mind on doing that, discussing practice or what happened during the game. It was easy to keep your mind off of sexual thoughts if you tried. This fellow is either very weak-minded or just trying to create a story to stay in the limelight.
Cam
@whateverokok No surprise that one of the right wing troll screenames would be supporting the idea that gay guys in the locker room can’t control themselves.
@jayceecook Thanks for switching to this screename to try to make your little point. If you can dispute my point, feel free.
Lowe
I mean, sure, he mentions he was afraid to get turned on – and maybe that’s not the best way to start off. But there’s so much more to his story that probably echoes how many of us felt growing up, terrified to do something that gave us away. I dreaded showering in school because I had to calculate every move or glance to seem relaxed and “normal”…and it probably had the very opposite effect. I also remember being afraid to get drunk for the first time because I though I would do or say something that would give me away if my walls came down even a little. These thoughts are not about thinking us gay men are predators, it’s the weight and expressions of the fear growing up “other”.
Mister P
He has a publicist and wants to stay relevant.
CatholicXXX
“ I never really was attracted to anybody I played with”
cause dey all blaq.
we got you girl.
Love his face.
Heywood Jablowme
Tee hee, giggle giggle!
Kangol2
Uh. CatholicSchoolRacist, Colton played at Washington, Illinois High, in a community that is 98% WHITE, and then played at Illinois State University, whose current team is about 1/2 White and probably was much or more so when he was play8ing. He was on the squads of the San Diego Chargers, Oakland Raiders and the Philadelphia Eagles, all three of which would have had lots of White player from 2014-2016.
Miss Thing may only be into White guys, who knows, but he’s FULL OF SH!T about not being attracted to any fellow players, just like he is about everything else!
Hank31
Colton Underwood, an ex-football player, weighs 254 lbs. On “I Am Jazz,” Jennings weighed in at 239 lbs – and rising. Transgenderism has not been kind to Jennings.
Cam
And now the troll that will use any excuse to cry about Trans people comes in to make it’s little comment.
So now you’ve posted under 3 scrfeenames. Sad.
inbama
@Cam
Why don’t you ever answer his comment with some facts instead of calling him a “troll” and a sock puppet – or are you trying to hide that YOU are the troll and the sock puppet preventing legitimate discussion on this blog?
white-queer-african
@inbama, I so agree with your comment re @cam. All you read whenever @cam posts is about trolls etc. etc. I suppose I will now be called a rightwing troll living in Africa! LOL
Mr. Stadnick
This story is in the running for the stupidest story on Queerity
ondaboat0069
A name like stadnick is enough to make any Willy go soft. Grow up
MISTERJETT
eye roll, sigh and a head shake. jerk!!!!!!!
theaterbloke
I remember in 7th grade being outed because I was staring too long at an older student in the locker room and at that school we only stripped to our underwear to change for gym. It resulted in a lot of torment and more than a few comments written in my yearbook that I had to white out.
radiooutmike
My grade school did not have showers.
So, when I was in the 7th and 8th grades we went to the Y for gym, I did not shower unless I really had too. I wore coke bottle glasses, so thankfully I could not be blamed for staring. Anyways, I hated group showers and I’m also terribly uncoordinated. So, I did drop the soap more than the average person.
Which lead to super-anxiety when looking for my bar soap on the shower floor where all these dicks were in my face or near my ass. That’s how I felt at least. Then, I was one of those wrap a towel around your waist guys, because I also had a small dick. Then I’d put my glasses on and see how everyone else’s was way bigger than mine. I just stared down at floor for those two years.
High school was different. Showering was optional and I did not.
Prax07
Yeah I never even entered the boys locker room in high school. Was bad enough being bullied while fully dressed. Gym class was a nightmare back then.
ingyaom
You think that if he didn’t want to be outed he would have tried to fit in with everyone else – not skipping showers, changing in toilet stalls, etc. His teammates must have suspected there was something “wrong” with him.
Jaquelope
I had the same thoughts, and was going to comment, but you beat me to it. Thank you.
Incidentally, in High School, we usually never really “looked” at each other that much, but one day, two of the schools hunkiest male teachers decided to strip down and shower, and their bodies were stared at by nearly everyone, as they walked from the office to the showers, even by those who claimed total straightness for the rest of their lives (and also had at least one girlfriend). No one called anyone else gay, or a ‘fag’, or any other derogatory name. If someone would pop a boner while changing, they might joke about it, but that’s all it was ever thought about it, because we were all under the same hormonal pressure, and it had happened to all of us.
Mister P
Another comment from the sad troll game of Hanky.
DrJohn
you don’t know what it’s like to be just a guy among guys.
Fahd
This guy has really gotten tedious with his wallowing in stereotypes. I suppose everyone has his own experience, but I think this sort of voicing of anxiety should be used to promote discussion and more relaxed attitudes in locker rooms, etc., not as a confession of and reaffirmation of how sexually preoccupied gay men stereotypically are. But with him, I guess it is whatever sells. Wait till he lets himself go, no one will care.
This sort of thinking reminds me of arguments raised against allowing gays in the military or in sports, etc. It is possible for gay and straight men to shower together without it being traumatic for anyone. Carl Nassib is on the Las Vegas Raiders right now. I think it would be demeaning to him (really to all gay men) to ask him about his locker room experience. But again everyone has his own story.
Teen boners aside, a little maturity and appropriate attitudes are all that’s needed. We are all God’s children.
BigJohnSF
He’s actually just talking about his own experience. You are the one wallowing in stereotypes.
Fahd
@BigJohnSF
Wrong! I guess you’re a fan of his, so to each his own. Do me a favor and don’t read or reply to my comments. I will do the same in return. Thanks in advance for respecting my wishes.
inbama
If you don’t want people to “read and reply,” why are you posting?
Underwood is clearly talking about himself – no one else, and he certainly sounds honest to me.
Heywood Jablowme
!!!
Fahd, the only commenter I’ve ever seen anywhere who demanded that a certain person refrain from replying, is an old lady Trumper on Nextdoor.com where I live. The entire community rose up against her with (virtual) pitchforks, and rightly so.
jayceecook
@Heywood He’s Cam’s “fan account” *cough* alt username *cough* so of course he’s loony toons.
Fahd
@Heywood
So it’s not enough that you drove me off nextdoor.com, now you’ve followed me to Queerty.
Mister Dawson
Who r we to question someone journey? We all have had our own journeys to go through so why the hate? If you are tired of reading about him then seriously why do you even bother to read the article? This hate within our own community seems pointless.
As to showering in gym I did it throughout middle school, high school and college. Did I look? Of course I did as did the straight folks. It wasn’t a cruising zone. This wasn’t some porn fantasy. Get real. I showered because I was sweating and didn’t want to stink. I was more disgusted by people who didn’t shower. That is just nasty! We all have a dicks. Get over it! Someone will always be bigger and smaller then you.
I think we have been made to be ashamed off our body as it has been used especially by the church as a level of control. I never knew I should be embarrassed changing and showering in a locker room.
Lastly I agree with a prior commenter who stated how it has been used against us by not allowing us the same equality in the military or team sports. I think the problem is really with straight people and their fear of their own dick size and masculinity.
henare
we are part of the audience that is being asked to believe this nonsense. if he didn’t want to be questioned then he should not be giving these interviews.
Jim
What a media whore.
Now a bullshitter as well.
BigJohnSF
Yeah, he was on some obscure podcast. What a whore.
MISTERJETT
in high school, an all boys Catholic high school, in the shower after gym class i got an erection and didn’t try to hide it. suddenly i hear “his dick is hard, he must be a fa___t”. of course everyone came running to see, but by then it had gone down. i called myself showing it off, but i didn’t know it would cause a commotion. the next day, everyone knew about it and i went through being pointed at and people saying “that’s him” and being laughed at. that went on for the next two years. junior and senior years weren’t as bad, but i was never really comfortable being there.
SDR94103
i wish this nincompoop would disappear.
MISTERJETT
why? how will it change your life or benefit you if he did disappear?
BigJohnSF
Does he remind you too painfully of your own inadequacies?
dre23222
I wish the same. He is so trying to stay relevant. All these gay guys in this world who had a hard time coming out and also fighting for equality none of them get the recognition they deserved but instead we keep broadcasting this media trick. I wish he never be heard of again.
mateo
I’m not sure why there’s so much hating and shaming going on regarding this guy. And I’ll confess to never having seen “The Bachelor” so maybe his behavior on that show WAS despicable. But then again: has he ever put down gay people in public? Has he ever supported a homophobic politician? As far as I know, he hasn’t. So where is all this hatred on the part of other gay people coming from, and more importantly, WHY is it happening? I can think of a million celebrities who are “media whores” but the comments on Queerty seem to be overwhelmingly concentrated on him.
miller2900
….being an ass isn’t exclusive to straight men. Seems to be a lot of bashing of Colton coming from asses and/or jealous bitches… or the bashing commentators are the type that believe everything they read or hear. Bashing someone because they talked about an experience that every guy straight or guy can relate to says more about the commentator than the target of the bashing.
BigJohnSF
he’s very beautiful, and that makes a lot of bitter queens angry
MrMichaelJ
The issue is it gives the impression that very gay guy is just leering in the showers and can’t control himself around the locker room..
It’s utter BS.
BigJohnSF
I guess you didn’t actually read what he said, or your comprehension is weak. If you look for a split second too long, you get called “queer” (which is hate speech, by the way). It’s not a matter of “leering.”
ShiningSex
@BigJohnSF, Colton is a morn. He is perpetuating a stereotype/misconception of gay men. Most of us can control ourselves in a locker room. He’s a moron that I wish would go away. He only came out because he already had this mockumentary in the works. If you see how stupid he sounds, then you’re probably him writing under this name.
jayceecook
@ShiningSex Says the “morn” himself. LMAO I guess it really does take one to know one.
dhmonarch89
what an idiot… after a strenuous work out, your testosterone is more distributed throughout your body and you are least likely to get an erection at this time. I got erections CONSTANTLY in 7th and 8th grade- Algebra, English, Science classes- but I never did in PE or in the gymnastics team training I did- and I had the serious hots for my coach. He’s perpetuating the myth that we shouldn’t be in locker rooms with straight guys- they always bring that up when they argue against gays in sports- ‘What about the locker room???’ Thanks, Colton- you brain damaged, idiot!
BigJohnSF
what is that hogwash you are spouting about erections? LOL!
nitejonboy
In middle school Most of us didn’t shower after class, we just changed out, and in high school I took ROTC so I didn’t have to worry about shit like that, thank god.
John
Do you guys have editors? I found two glaring typos.
stan2015
I was gay and was not afraid of getting hard. Most of the people I went to school with were not good looking. Now everyone do not get mad at Colton for his feelings or opinions. IF you don’t like him I get it.
ShiningSex
He sounds like a moron and if you like morons, have it girl.
Not all men would get hard in front of just any other men. We are not all the same. Some of us have self control in public. He just sounds like a moron and seems to be a stereotype.
ShiningSex
He’s annoying stereotype. Get lost! So over him!!!
jayceecook
Weren’t you the resident Jesus freak on Q shaming people for their sex lives? And porn? And…well you get my picture. Maybe you should get lost?
twomen4u
Now at 76 I can easily identify with Colton but I hated sports and still do. If that is your thing, go do it and enjoy it. I tricked around when I was a teenager but society intervened and I got married, had three children and enjoyed being behind a pulpit. That all changed when I was accepted in to a Master’s Program as I had to take a Human Sexuality class. As always I skim the chapter titles and there it was Homesexuality in print, no less. I devoured that chapter over night and talked with the prof at the next class. At 40 a light went off in my head and I realized what I had been hiding all of those years, I loved men. When I came out with my first husband we had `15 years until he died. He told me repeatedly I was the only red-necked queer he had ever known. I have been with my second husband now 20 years and married 4. Now we are just two very mature men trying to live at peace with the world. We do not hide the fact we are married and if necessary produce our marriage certificate. All of our doctors get a copy of that so there is NO doubt that man is my husband so deal with it. We eliminate any professional that seems ill at ease with us and they are immediately replaced. We live in a world that slowly but surely has become more accepting but there is a long way to go. Colton needs to release all of his hang ups and guilt and live his life as he sees fit and not society. I thought when I married that was it for me and I was fully faithful for 21 years but you can only surpress your true identity for so long. It was interesting in HS as I was tricking with three of the varsity football team but I was also for society dating girls, you know the routine.
whateverokok
If you are fully faithful for 21 years and had three kids with your wife, doesn’t sort of make you somewhat straight? or at the very least bilingual? LOL. Anyway, the point is how can you be gay and still sleep with women?
jayceecook
The real question is how did somebody as stupid as you survive natural selection?
mz.sam
Hey Hank31, I feel Jazz Jennings is happier than ever and has joined the Chaz Bono balloon chasers club. They too can be appreciated and loved.
Mike Hunt
I used to get huge raging boners in middle school and high school BAND class. Never have been quite able to figure that out.
Creamsicle
Is Colten Underwood the new Colton Haynes, and queerty is going to be posting about him non-stop on little to no news?
cuteguy
Time to cancel Colton before he does anymore damage. He’s the Kevin Spacey of the reality show world. He may be physically attractive but he has an ugly soul. He’s a selfish toxic narcissist.
Paris in Santiago
I adore Colton Underwood.
Way too many angry gays bothered by Colton, who are also hypocrites.
darkanser
All of the rest of us gay men who played sports in high school or college have managed to navigate the various rituals of sports. Sports in general has traditionally been super-macho, a contest for men to “prove” themselves and homophobic It’s nerve-wracking at first, if not stimulating, but we got through it. Yeah, there are pitfalls. Some of us navigate those fields better than others.
daddytop
Try having red pubic hair AND the biggest dick in the shower. Everybody stared.
fhjern
Dear Queerty,
I am a huge fan of your work and at least scan very issue. But I have to ask: Why are you being so hard on Colton?
I did not watch “Coming Out Colton” until this week simply because you keep slamming him day after day and I usually agree with your opinions. Now that I have watched it, I find it is a coming out story by an earnest man who is trying to navigate that very difficult process as best he can.
It wasn’t an easy process for any of us. He was already a very public figure so it makes sense that he needed to come out publicly at some point and of course it would be controversial. It’s always controversial when any of us come out. But usually the controversy is limited only to those who knew us personally. In his case people all over the planet felt they knew him and of course have lots of questions and opinions about his process.
I particularly identified with his difficulty answering questions about how he navigated being in the closet. We all do that alone and we all have our story. And we all made mistakes and many (perhaps most) of us hurt people we loved dearly. I was kicked out of my evangelical church when I finally came out at the age of 43, over 30 years ago.
It takes a lot of courage to go through the process and he exhibited huge amounts of it. People who knew us as “straight” of course have lots of questions and we are expected to be the expert in knowing all about what it means to be gay and what gay culture is like at a time when we know almost nothing about any of it.
How about expressing a little more compassion for a courageous young man who navigated a very difficult coming out process in front of the whole world? Please give the guy a break and offer him just a little bit of support.