A “straight” guy on Reddit is in a total bind… He can’t stop daydreaming about messing around with another dude.
“OK, so I’ll start with saying I’m not gay,” the post begins. “I’m not attracted to men or ever wanted to have sex with another guy.”
Related: What Exactly Is The Protocol After Hooking Up With A Straight Guy?
Got it. You’re totally, 100 percent not gay. Now, please continue.
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“But,” the man says, “I do find other men’s penises a big turn on.”
Wait, what?
“I’ve often fantasized about comparing my penis to other guys,” he confesses, “and masturbating around another guy or guys but never acted on it.”
For someone who’s “not gay” that sure sounds pretty gay to us, but we digress.
“I’d like to know how I could make this a reality, are there any sub-Reddits or sites that cater to this sort of thing?” the man wonders. “I live in Yorkshire in the UK and have been told by females and males a like that I’m a good looking guy (also fairly well hung) if this helps to know.”
“Any of you point me in the right direction?”
Related: “Straight” Dude Walks In On Gay Roomie And Realizes He, Too, Is Homosexual
The advice quickly comes pouring in:
“If what you say is true just make a profile on Grindr,” one person advises. “State what you are looking for and be specific.”
“Use a torso pic,” someone else adds, “and put ‘straight bicurious’ as a headline or something.”
“A good place to start with this is a video chatting site,” a third person suggests. “There are sites such as pinkroulette, manroulette, etc. that let you jack off with other people online. You don’t need to show your face or anything so it’s pretty safe.”
Followed by some taunts:
“First, try admitting to yourself you’re not actually straight,” one person suggests.
“‘I’m straight, but I find other men’s penises a big turn on,'” someone else teases. “1+1=7?”
Related: Straight Man Upset His Girlfriend Won’t Explore His Back Door, Seeks Help From Others
And then there’s this:
“By ‘eck lad, stop faffing about, folk round ear be playing pop when ya vague! … Make sure you’re up front with what you want and don’t lead them on. Lads can just be as bad as lasses for getting attached especially if it starts being more than a one time thing!”
What advice do you have for this guy? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
Goforit
Ignore the labels that everybody wants to put on you an go suck some dick. You will figure it out.
Paco
@Goforit: yeah… Ignore those labels while emphatically labeling yourself as straight, as you fantasize about big juicy penis, so no one gets it confused.
CaliKyle
@Paco: Labels are helpful and accurate in broad, general terms. They connote one’s primary gender preference(s) but obviously labels don’t tell the whole story for probably most people. This guy could be legitimately straight and have an interest in experimenting with men sexually without compromising his primary label or self id. Im gay and went through a time in my life – several years – where I acted out on my curiosity or interest in pussy and tits. Im putting it that way not because I reduce women down to their body parts but because that was the extent of my interest in them. Orientation is not simply about sexual acts or behavior; it encompasses so much more. We should be able to experiment and explore without others invalidating our own sense of self identification.
dustashed
Go with what the last guy said. Be specific with what you want and try not to lead people on.
There are plenty of guys who would be more than willng to guide you in your first few steps.
Just make sure to set expectations. Guys “can” be clingy too, and hell hath no fury like a gay man scorned
Paco
@CaliKyle: I think it has a lot to do with being assumed as gay, as being a negative thing. He could accurately call himself bi-curious, but then he could be viewed as gay by some if he does sexual things with other males and lose his hetero privilege. He makes sure to stress that he is “not gay” and is straight. Straight privilege is a difficult thing to give up, especially when so many gay men are willing to let these men proudly throw around their straight label while having sex with them. All the benefits with none of the negative effects.
Many gay men reduce other males down to their body parts with no romantic or emotional interest. Just the body parts basically. They are still homosexual males, even if they feel more comfortable identifying as a little teapot or whatever. Their actions and desires can’t be discounted simply because they choose to not label their actions with accepted and defined labels. Is bisexual or bi-curious a dirty word because these men might be viewed as gay when they have homosexual sex?
I’ll never understand how the “no label” crowd scoffs at all sexual labels except the “straight” one. Even when that label doesn’t align with the desires and activities of the person. It just shows that we really have a long way to go for true acceptance when people choose to mislabel themselves because they fear they will lose something.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
I recommend the book:
A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us about Sexual –
by Ogi Ogas & Sai Gaddam ( there is a YouTube lecture video too)
….to understand how it is entirely theoretically possible this could be a heterosexual man; it’s like a brain sexual-cue software glitch wires-crossed scenario.
The only thing that might mitigate against this however is he expressly specifies “men” but not also “transwomen”
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
* A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells Us about Sexual Relationships Paperback – 29 May 2012
by Ogi Ogas (Author), Sai Gaddam (Author)
Brian
Masturbating together is a very positive sign of heterosexual manhood. It unites men into a common cause. The cause is to be virile and continue the human race. It’s a form of male bonding.
Comparing penis sizes and distance achieved are the measures by which men naturally compare each other. The bigger and longer, the better.
This form of competitive male bonding is something that gay-identifying men will never experience. They are eternally holed away in a dark club looking for sexual partners with their beady eyes flashing under the strobe lights. There is a sad, languid quality to it.
avesraggiana
Who makes this stuff up?
Kevin Wotipka
@Brian: “This form of competitive male bonding is something that gay-identifying men will never experience. ”
Are you fucking kidding me? ~^
Kevin Wotipka
I didn’t realize until I was 25. I grew up in a rural part of SW Louisian during the Reagan/Bush era and I was completely hiding myself from the truth. It’s called “self-deception”, a state where you wouldn’t know the truth if it bit you.
Kevin Wotipka
@CaliKyle: A label is like a book title; it gives you a name, but it doesn’t tell you the story.
gayhope1990
@Kevin Wotipka:Don’t feed the troll Brian.He is a closeted guy who hates self-accepted gay.He keeps raving and ranting about gay people or women again and again and again and again because he hates himself.
Kevin Wotipka
@gayhope1990: Oh don’t worry, he won’t get a crumb from me. I was just sharing my own experience. 🙂
Kevin Wotipka
@gayhope1990: Ah, I see. I’d forgotten I replied to him that one time.
Dave Downunder
Bitch please!
trell
In other news…Bi-curious guy denies his sexuality
No, wait, sorry. Same news.
RomanHans
Queerty isn’t going to delete Brian’s offensive, homophobic sh*t?
Bauhaus
Nothing new. Relinquish his straight privilege? Never!
gayhope1990
As I said our world is still homophobic.Fight back
girldownunder
@Kevin Wotipka:
“…I was completely hiding myself from the truth. It’s called “self-deception”, a state where you wouldn’t know the truth if it bit you.”
Must be where Brian lives…
Random
@Brian: Can you provide sources for your assertion about heterosexual men masturbating together and comparing penis sizes? I’m not suggesting it never happens but to imply that it’s a common rite of passage without citing any evidence, makes it sound rather more like gay man’s fantasy of straight men.
DCguy
@Brian: stated: Masturbating together is a very positive sign of heterosexual manhood. It unites men into a common cause. The cause is to be virile and continue the human race. It’s a form of male bonding.
——-Except that it isn’t. Most of those guys that bonded that way…are guess what? Gay or Bi.
Kevin Wotipka
@girldownunder: I’m guessing I was in Paradise compared to where he is…
TomOH
Not to plug another site, but he should check out LPSG – that’s basically what it’s all about. Ton’s of straight or sorta straight guys, comparing their dicks.
jdboston617
@trell: Thank you! Snooze fest. I’m over these pseudo stories on Reddit making it on Queerty. It’s just make believe silliness.