Are you the only gay in the village?
No, of course you’re not.
And while that means there are plenty of fish in the sea for awkward dates or late-night texts, making gay friends is often an entirely different story.
Lines can get blurry when two guys who are into guys embark on a plutonic relationship, but the value of having like-minded friends in your corner ready to go to bat for you is substantial.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Below, guys take to Whisper to discuss their struggles making gay friends. Anything sound familiar?
lauraspencer
A lot of gay guys have problem making friends because they confuse friendship with dating and hooking up.
Find someone who shares your interests, morals & values, points of reference, etc, but realize you don’t have to be physically attracted to your friend. When I see a lot of groups of guys that are “friends” they often seem to be the same level of looks (sort of like the whole idea of dating someone who looks like you). Looks should not matter when it comes to friendship.
I can honestly say that amongst my friends I’m not attracted to any of them physically. There is something more to our relationship than physical.
Straights don’t have this problem because they usually aren’t attracted to their friends so they can place value on other characteristics.
Sebashtzen Rowan-Ferrari
Aint this the truth
Glücklich
“Lines can get blurry when two guys who are into guys embark on a plutonic relationship…”
What kind of relationship?
Unfortunately I probably perpetuate the stereotype but about half of my friends (vs other partners) are guys I’ve slept with in the past or guys I work with/have worked with.
David Quirk
It’s hard for gays to find friends period. Str8 guys are afraid people will think they’re gay if they’re friends w/you and str8 women fall in love w/you and want to have sex. So I have a dog.
Sam Molina
I must be rare because I have had the opposite experience! I have a lot of gay friends who I have never slept with, but have had very few people ask me or accept my offer to go on a date…. Does this mean I am a Duff
Lewis Kinslayer
I don’t find it hard but impossible since I don’t know any gay people. I don’t even know any bisexual s.
J Alexander Steel
If I could give some advice on that, try going to your local pride centre or look for community type events. For example my community has a gay dinner club. You may find that the crowd is a little older than expected, and you may have to combat your personal stigma about getting involved, but honestly it’s the best place to look for platonic relationships.
If you’re HS or College aged, try reaching out to “safe spaces” in your area. These places often advise against dating within the group and encourage supportive relationships. They’re good starting points at the very least, and can probably lead you to something close to what you’re looking for.
Carlos Segura
Yes to this to infinity. I have 2 gay male friends in the entire world; I have an ok number of queer friends (bi guys and girls, pan sexual) but just a cisgender gay? After 13 years of being out…still having a hard time with the friends thing. 80 percent of my pals are straight guys and girls.
Denis Camacho
Haven’t had a gay friend since the 80’s
Chris L. Reynolds
I absolutely agree,I’ve 2Gay friends,1for 40yrs and another for 31Yrs,our Community needs to be better within regarding acceptance,tolerance and friendship!
Cam
Most of the comments seemed like they were from people who hadn’t totally accepted being gay, things like people thinking they were homophobic, or needing people to guide them etc…
Those people are most likely coming off weird. Here is an idea, join a club, an event, a charity, or some other place where gay people hang out. Talk to people, don’t be a dick, and abra cadabra, you will most likely make friends.
Greg Ballard
I’m with Sam. I have way more gay friends then straight. I attend more gay culture functions then straight oriented. Most if not all of my interactions with straights are at work.
David Chachki
Thank God i thought i was the only one.
Robby Robinson
Want gay friends….get an 8 ball and open a tab at the bar…..
Cesar Fortun
Specially on Church St. Toronto’s gay village, most of them are arrogant with attitude and unfriendly.
Bauhaus
The lines got blurry for me once. I was lying to myself about what our situation was, it hurt [me], took a long time and an ocean apart to get over. That is a lesson I don’t want to learn twice.
Xander Vanhooser
Yeah especially when you meet they try and have sex with you
Stephen Sottile
“Plutonic” relationships? Really?? Platonic, step it up, guys.
Stephen Sottile
Isn’t the issue quality over quantity? How many people do we really meet that have much substance to them anyway?
David Zakrzewski
Trust issues. As much as I hate to admit it, I trust my straight friends more.
Don Brown
How about we all just have FRIENDS. I don’t care about their orientation. It is all about quality.
AtticusBennett
here’s why – most of these inane “whisperers” are still struggling with internalized homophobia. here’s the deal, boys – if you’re still wishing you weren’t gay, and don’t want to seem gay, or meet people who are “too gay or visibly gay” then you’re never gonna get what you claim you want. got it?
trying to make gay friends while still hoping you “don’t seem gay” is fruitless. no pun intended.
that’s why nearly all of those gay men struggle with making gay friends – they’re still fighting “the gay” part in themselves.
ive’ had hookups that became best friends. i’ve had lovers that became friends. i’ve met some of my best gay friends from sites, and apps, as well as simple-enough interactions at the local clubs, LGBT outreach and activism, talking to new people at pride in the beer gardens, concerts, etc.
you also have to be real about WHY you want certain people to be your friends – let’s be honest here, some guys see a HOT GUY and think “i want to be his friend!” uh….why? because he’s hot? that’s not really a reason to befriend someone.
similar interests. like minds.
“a lot of gay people annoy me” – the type of thing a guy says when he’s still surrounded by straight people are aren’t very pro-LGBT.
this is like the “i wanna find a guy to date who doesn’t seem gay so people think that we’re just two guy friends in public and then when we’re alone we’re in love” – conquer your internalized homophobia and learned-insecurities about “gay culture” and “the community” and you’ll find you end up being a more enjoyable-to-be-around person.
Derek Perron
Yup.
Too gay to be straight
Too straight to be gay.
Tough to find mutual interests and sensibilities
Glücklich
@Robby Robinson:
Where do you want to meet?
Allan O'Shea
I’m the only gay in the village.
Boxton Beats
Definitely has been harder to make them. I think in my experience they have either only been interested in dating and when they realize that’s not gonna happen they’re over it OR they don’t have room for anyone new in their group.
Ross D Frankel
There are many LGBTQS social groups where you can find new friends. Some are general social, others have a specific interest, like getting outside into nature, board games, tennis, surfing, Ren-Faire, etc. I belong to three social groups: CMG, CalComMen, & Great Outdoors. Plus I am involved with a LGBTQS affirming church-group, LTUMC. Try one or more groups, and not just once but stick around for a few months at least, to see if you and they click together.
Shawn Michael
Gays are too much to handle for me quite a bit.
Evji108
@AtticusBennett: I think that Atticus has made some very good points about internalized homophobia. However, I do feel that gay men who have issues with “annoying”, or superficial gay culture have a point too, it isn’t necessarily internalized homophobia to not fit in with the more visible, super buff club type of gay men. They need to look elsewhere to find alternative interest groups within the gay community such as hiking, spiritual, sports, arts etc. Try volunteering in gay community groups/center, service, hotline, outreach etc, as well, the guys who are into serving the community tend to be less one dimensional. There’s nothing like working alongside someone that shares your interests to develop friendships.
AtticusBennett
thing is – club culture is superficial, gay OR straight.
the reason some gay men “prefer straight clubs to gay clubs” is that they’re not yet comfortable being around other gay men. in straight environment there’s no “competition”, per se.
also, for some guys it’s all going to come down to location – the smaller the gay community where you live, the smaller your pool of friends will be.
the bigger the city, the more options. you can find gays who love punk rock, opera, sports, camping, dancing, NOT dancing, film music, and on and on and on.
but first check YOURSELF – if “so many” gay guys tell you you come off as homophobic, guess what? you probably come off as homophobic.
there was an idiot i used to see out in the village all the time who always complained about “how guys at bars don’t hit on him because they think he’s straight” – NOBODY thought he was straight. what we all saw, however, was an insecure standoffish dude trying to look as uncomfortable as possible in a gay bar.
spoiler alert – happy gay men don’t want to hang out with uncomfortable insecure ones.
Creamsicle
I usually don’t comment on queerty.com editting, but I think you mean “platonic” friendships. A plutonium friendship would be one that formed several kilometers down in Earth’s crust and cooled slowly over a few million years.
Rick Holtz
All of my close male friends have been straight.
Laurentum Mullan
Bingo yeah I prefer people who are down to earth and With a low level of being judgmental of others looks and coolness which eliminates about 95 percent of gay people
Sam Addison
I have a few gay friends but still struggle with deep depression due to my weight because I don’t fit into the cookie cutter gay boy look where you have to be thin and a size 28 waist with a 6 pack to have friends who look like that. I feel like I would not be accepted into that catagory of gay guys and that they would never find me attractive. I just hope someday I can like myself enough to not care what the model gays think is normal.
onthemark
This one puzzles me. I’ve always found it super-easy to find gay friends who are platonic (or even “plutonic”). More like Sam & Greg in the comments above. My straight “friends” were always at work but always disappeared after a new job. My gay friends who physically survived seem to be forever, and usually even outlast a move to a new city. (Hey, a sofa to crash in ____!)
Maybe the decline of gay bars is a problem here. Grindr may be efficient for hooking up, but gay bars had a much bigger role than that.
Never really thought about it before now, but Cam hits on it: “Here is an idea, join a club, an event, a charity, or some other place where gay people hang out. Talk to people, don’t be a dick, and abra cadabra, you will most likely make friends.” Identifying as gay involves (or used to involve) a bit of responsibility to engage in the bigger culture, such as it is. No, you don’t have to dress in drag or be “flamboyant.” But yes, you might have to see a couple of old black & white Bette Davis movies. You might even be helpful in some charity or political issue.
onthemark
@Creamsicle: By “plutonic” I took the Queerty editors to mean a relationship where the possibility of sex is at the edge of the solar system, as remote as the Former Planet Pluto?
(unless one were to take seriously Robby’s suggestion about an “8 ball” – @Robby Robinson: – in which case all bets are off, lol.)
Alex Cameron
Finding gay friends is impossible most have shallow personality and the gay scene a meat factory not for me I’m gay wiccan and have self respect I’m into safe sex Not bearback so my chances of LOVE is slim but I can hope
charlie_jackpot
I find it difficult as everything is geared towards dating and joining a group is so much like hard work and no guarantee of any gays being there
McShane
I’m married so most of our friends are other couples. Gay and straight. I have a few clients that I’m friendly with. I shoot a lot of weddings and meet a ton of people, sadly most are in neighboring states and I never keep in touch.
Be yourself, If you keep running into someone, ask them if they want to get lunch or see a concert. Small things you have in common can be a great icebreaker.
Lovelife
I don’t see what the big deal is really? Friendships have always been very easy for me to make with ALL people. It’s just that I really prefer gay guys and women- they have more sensitivity and depth.
I make friends through people I come into contact with, see how we connect and nurture them from there. So my circle expands exponentially from all that. Its a matter of knowing who you like having around you
The idea that there could be some sexual tension, is unheard of with me. Most gay friends I make are from all walks of life- many older than I am. And so I think they know better than to spoil the friendship with creepy/inappropriate advances.
I have also never been in a situation where a friend makes moves on me or tries to kiss me or whatever…lol.
Maybe I am just wired differently. But to me, a friend is a friend is a friend is a friend.
Dave Edwards
Interesting views, I can echo many of them
Glücklich
@Allan O’Shea:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlzaBNgz-M
tusgold
Well since my life doesnt revolve around a bar annd drug addiction as well as bath houses and anonymous sex My straight friends are fine. I do not miss gay friends
Denis J Carroll
Plutonic?! It’s platonic!!
AtticusBennett
@tusgold: and “we” don’t miss you. your idea of “gays” sounds like you’ve spent too much time listening to your anti-gay straight friends.
you’ll pretend your friends aren’t anti-gay, you’ll say you’re more like them than other gay people. but the reality is you wish you weren’t gay. and your bitterness will just mean you waste years of your life.
it’s your choice.
Leonidas Aubin
true
corktownboy
Hi editors. It is “platonic” not “plutonic”…..cheers….
Chris Pawley
I am always happy to make friends! My partner is very possessive tho and thinks all gay friends are potential notches on the bedpost! Grrrr!!!!
lesavingecourant
@AtticusBennett: While I get where you’re coming from on this, I don’t think it’s helpful to try to keep countershaming people. Most gay guys, yourself included, have some internalized homophobia to work through. That is normal. There are people who aren’t like how you’re describing it, but who are actually intelligent, self-actualized, and centered gay men who still struggle with finding supportive friendships in the gay community.
A lot of men do insist on sexualizing interactions. It’s reasonable to wonder if someone’s rejection is because they aren’t interested in friendship, or that they just didn’t find you cute enough to bed. Maybe some men who complain about lack of friendships are really happier with less social connections in general, but feel bad about that in the face of society’s message to be ‘in’, or popular, or extroverted. Maybe they believe the catty accusations from guys like you who claim to have perceived success with gay friendships and turn around and, in so many words, label them losers or that something is wrong with them (I would think gay people would be particularly sensitive to that criticism).
Or maybe it’s just sadly common to try to connect and they keep running into men who are self-absorbed, cold, childish, selfish, duplicitous, boorish, and just generally unsupportive. They are out there in spades, you can pretend otherwise to prop up your countershame tirade all you want. There’s not really a strong spiritual core to the gay community that focuses on their self-development as good people. All the energy goes to finger-pointing at hateful Christians, etc. We’ve really had a pass because of that.
Maybe there is a new gen of guys out there who in a time of increased acceptance and understanding about what it means to be gay are left to their own devices. They are positive, open, and accepting of sexuality, but they don’t knee-jerk mindlessly subscribe to the outdated meat market mentality where every other thought has to be dick and every other word has to be crass. But maybe we’re not talking about the men you are talking about. Maybe we’re talking about guys who are kind, relatively normal, but isolated because they have the balls to try a new image for their lives.
It’s a higher standard and probably hard for some people to wrap their heads around *shrug*. This conversation requires thinking for yourself, not just regurgitating PC speak.
lesavingecourant
Complaining that you can’t make friends with gay men…well, I would assume if you’re attracted to men and probably quite a few men, that you couldn’t successfully make friendships because platonic relationships are best when there is lack of sexual tension. Hence why straight men hang casually with other men but manage their interactions with women. Most women to them have potential sexually. So, if you’re gay maybe just try enjoying friendships with women with whom you share some common interests. Oh wait, waah but they’re women!
Shasta
I think you mean ‘platonic’.
Matthew Paul Dumas-Bowden
Yes its very hard.
Chord Savage
I find it hard make any gay friend local .
jason smeds
Gay men are usually very sex-centric. I mean, simply defining yourself by your sexuality is a sex-centric act in itself. Sex-centric men just want to have sex and not much more. They’re like zombies.
lesavingecourant
It seems some men who supposedly have friendship circles are actually codependent or usey types. One shouldn’t always believe the hype. All that glitters is not gold.
Dameon Gene Rogers
It is tough, you should spend time with people you like. And if you are lucky maybe more. Stop stressing and enjoy life whatever it brings… 😉
Demmier Virchis
I’m gay and all my friends are straight…male and females. I’ve come to the conclusion that I do not like gay “men” people tell me that I shouldn’t judge the girly gays(I DON’T)because that doesn’t show pride in who I am. I am who I am and if I wanted a pantyhose wearing, lipgloss smacking, hair tossing alcoholic DIVA I’d date my mother. No thanks.
I like men!
Jon Mackey
I find it hard just too make friends in general.
Mike Butterworth
Most gays are superficial and dont. Know how to care for others beside himself
Dennis Zack
sometimes its easy and sometimes its not. more not.
Korree Johnson
Totally relate, it’s very lonely.
Gus Anderson
“Seriously, you’re gay? I thought you were straight.”
I’m tired of hearing it. Next time, I’m clawing out someone’s eyes.
Matthew Bramlett
A “plutonic relationship”? Well there’s your problem! A relationship based around plutonium would never work.
Adrian Paul Annas
All the guys i meet just want to f*** or they will be friends and then want to “massage” me, while others give me dirty or dissaproving looks. Which is okay until this becomes boring.
Axeman
@Denis J Carroll: YES!!!! OMFG
john.k
@Sam Molina: No Sam you are not alone. My experience s very similar. I have lots of gay friends because I join gay interest groups. I have a boyfriend now but for a long time I found it quite difficult to find guys to date.
Finrod
Given that half of them spew out critical stereotypes, it’s surprising that they have any friends at all. Maybe you should try hanging out with some people who aren’t Exactly Like You and see what happens. Most people don’t reveal their natural selves on first meeting. If you thought that he was flamboyant, what impression do you think that he had of you?
Are you trying to make friends in bars? At truck stops? Get a volunteer job. Go to church. Start a blog. Make some YouTube videos about your interests. There are plenty of ways to meet people that are not sexualized.
And come out of the damn closet.
Neonegro
I have only two gay friends that I have known for more than 15 years.
I could not care less about who my friends sleep with. I make friends based on likability.
lesavingecourant
@Finrod: Keep up the closet non-sequitur and deflect, deflect, deflect. *sigh* Arrested development.
Traveler
I so agree. Would so love to find some gay “friends”.
Tino Valentino
I think gays confuse making friends with having their type of guy they’re into sexually. I find the gay community to be the most judgmental and hypocritical out of any other social groups. I just don’t care to make friends. if anyone likes me and can be polite then we can be cool if not then bye.
Beach
@lauraspencer:
Don’t try and speak for everyone dude. I’ve never had that problem.
Beach
@Glücklich:
I guess straight men and women can’t be friends either. Some of you guys have more going on in your pants than in your head.
Beach
@lesavingecourant:
How did you get to be so presumptuous and pretentious?
“Most gay guys, yourself included, have some internalized homophobia to work through”
As someone who has studied psychology I can tell you that while this is the case for some men, it’s not as drastic as you make it out to be. Stop projecting your own issues onto others. Not everyone has internalized homophobia. Please learn some humility about your own so called “wisdom”.
Oscar Scheepstra
Most of my friends are gay…
1EqualityUSA
Start a poker night once a month, low stakes games.
Masc Pride
…luckily we can forge friendships based on things other than sexual orientation. Imagine that!
@tusgold: Yeah, there comes a time where you just outgrow pretty much everything the gay scene has to offer….or drop dead from meth overdose. lol
level75RDM
itt: Gay men making broad generalizations about other gay men are calling gay men superficial.
lesavingecourant
@Beach: Yeah that’s not common knowledge what was I thinking. You just prove my point. But at least you’re using your associate’s lol.
VinceD
I have had two close gay friends. One has died and still friends with the other one. Other gay people use to think I was dating one of them or the other, because we would do things together. Like going out to eat. Helping one move. Picking them up from the airport. Helping them do a home project or just listening to their sob stories. Or they would listen to my rants.
They never showed that they were jealous when I met someone. And I never acting jealous when they met someone. We are happy for the other. We were/are friends. That we are gay icing on the cake.
Bobby Buechler
I end up having sex with all of them :-/
BigG
@Chris L. Reynolds:
same here. Both are long term gay friends. I cherish them because i have never found other gay men who seem to want to get to know me without sex. Most are looking for flings or partners
BigG
Just like love, stop looking. Get involved in the community and you will meet many people. Most will be acquaintances though. The older you get, the harder it is to make friends. If i just ask a gay for coffee or to hang out they look at me like I’m crazy. But if i ask to top them, they are like sure! Coffee? Are you insane?
So ass backwards.
Therese Bakheta
Interesting!
SonOfKings
Our Gay lifestyle is an ultra-competitive, sexually-driven cult. There is no love or friendship in this game. If you want a friend, join a gym and start socializing and hanging out with straight guys. I have no Gay male friends and I’m not looking for any. I’ve Been down that road before and it’s a dead end.
Gary_Gans
I’m so very fortunate. I’m a Brit-Dane, from Oxford, and have many friends around the World, and completely diverse. They are the closest group that are diverse in their sexuality, sexual identity, race, age, and even faith/atheist choices, and I love them like family. Closer than family.
I’ve travelled to so many nations, and I didn’t have loads of sex, as I have always been a guy that is monogamous. Friendships remain with all but my last ex, as 27 November 2007 marked the beginning of losing not only my friends that are LGBT, but straights as well. I have an ultra-rare genetic series of disorders that affects about 250 people in the World. My great-grandfather had it. It usually transfers from mother-to-son, but with its count and I am the only member of my biological family to have it, this is a rare and destructive series of disabilities. Generalised Idiopathic Familial Dystonia-Parkinsonism with Neuroacanthocytosis. It spread throughout my body from head to toe, and with no research of note happening due to its lack of numbers (and therefore profit) I must take 32 pills a day.
My ex couldn’t take it and just became hostile about it. It became so bad that when he told me that it was time for me to move on, i had three bags of clothes and did just that. When I returned back to my hometown the response was even worse. People avoid me, pensioners scowl at me, I’ve been spat on, and how it stands I have 2 friends that drop by every once and a while. Gay Pride here didn’t feel like neither, which was strange, because it once was colourful, jubilant, and truly welcoming. Those days are gone.
So when we discuss this issue I agree that it has become a very uninviting atmosphere everywhere. I do not recognise the palpable discontent of a community than I do now. I blame it on the technology, which has become everyone’s lover, and propaganda distracts people from making and retaining real friends.
Gary_Gans
@SonOfKings: I’m sorry you met the wrong gays. You wrote “our gay lifestyle.” A gay man would never use this phrase, so are you heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual? A cult? That’s a first that I have heard about a gay cult. I do know some kind gays and lesbians that are Wiccan, but I don’t know if being a Wiccan is somehow a bad thing. Is your moniker for Christianity? You just make me curious as to why you are so anti-gay. I hope it is not Scientology.
Celtic
I live in a rural area in east Texas. I met my fiance so that’s great but we do have a hard time meeting friends. We try various apps but of course most of them only want a hookup and the others usually live far away.
SonOfKings
Homosexuality is an inborn trait, which I first recognized in myself at the age of 12. The peculiar state of being “Gay,” to me, feels more like a lifestyle movement with unstated rules, strange rituals, and secret codes that create winners and losers everyday and in every setting. To win at this game you have to think strategically and understand that it is a cult. Gay “friends” will sacrifice you in a heartbeat to advance their own status. I really feel more at ease in the presence of straight men, who have shown me love.
Scott Patrick Ekman
all this sounds familiar like everyday for me anyway
AtticusBennett
1. get over internalized homophobia and insecurity about being gay. you can’t hope to make gay friends if you still worry about “gay” stuff.
2. work on your own learned insecurities about the expressions of SEXUALITY. like others have said, it’s a male-male system, there are going to be occasional attractions, both reciprocal and NON-reciprocal. hookups can become friends. they can. there’s no shame in friends having originally met under otherwise sexual circumstances.
but if you tell yourself every day “i’m not like other gay people, we have nothing in common, gay men are all ____ and ____ and __________@&^#&*@ ____” then that’s your problem, too: you’re reinforcing your own outsiderness.
step one: stop telling yourself those things every day. without that step, things won’t change.
onthemark
This is generally a sad and pathetic comment thread, with the comments from @SonOfKings: at the bottom of the Compost Heap of Mawkish Pathos.
SonOfKings is apparently living in the pre-Stonewall 1960s with “The Boys In The Band.” (If he sees that movie he’ll probably think it’s a non-fiction, current affairs documentary.)
Gee – several of us report that we DO have gay friends. Really, we do! Maybe you guys could read what we wrote and maybe, possibly, learn something? Instead of blaming all of your problems on the gay “community” or the gay “cult.”
Meanwhile, have fun pretending to like inane football chatter with your straight friends.
AtticusBennett
@onthemark: i think what’s been revealed by some commenters, which they either won’t admit to or may not even be conscious of, is that to maintain their “cred” with their straight friends they have to say the shit they’ve been saying in here. “Oh, yeah. I’m not like you guys .I’m not like those gays. I can’t hang out with other gays guys because they’re all about drugs and orgies and groupsex and sex and also sex and sometimes they have sex and i’m not like those gays who has sex”
Uh…..ok.
i maintain great friendships with gay and straight people. but i’m a gay man – to not be able to connect with other gay men is a LEARNED thing. gay men don’t just naturally not know how to connect with other gay men – it IS learned. it’s a learned aversion.
so, folks – ask yourselves: do you as a gay man ever want to be able to interact with other gay men? if not, you’ll be that gay loner with all your straight buds for a long long long time.
onthemark
@AtticusBennett: Yes, you make a very good point. A learned aversion.
I’m trying to be a little less irritated with them! They mostly seem quite young. But when a 23 (or so) year old thinks he has gay life totally figured out – and it’s all totally bad? – that is irritating.
Since there are so many here reporting very similar attitudes, logically it would seem they’d meet a gay guy they ARE like, at some point. Maybe in real life, they don’t recognize the similarities when they encounter someone, being so primed already to notice any differences.
onthemark
Anyway, they really shouldn’t worry so much about the orgies and group sex. In my experience, orgies only happen on Friday nights (just in case you need the whole weekend, of course) and you need the Official Gay Orgy Card to get in.
lauraspencer
@Beach:
Where does it say I’m speaking for everyone? Please go back and read. I was speaking on behalf of Laura Spencer.
From many of the postings it is apparent that many people agree with my comment. So even though I’m not speaking for “everyone” there are a bunch of people who agree.
Hugs & carthwheel!!
McShane
@1EqualityUSA: Perfect, I’m down with that.
@SonOfKings: Maintaining friendships isn’t a game that you can win. If your group of friends is literally trying to sacrifice you, you might actually be in a cult. I’m kidding, sort of. If a person uses you to advance their status, then they weren’t your friends in the first place. I’m sorry if someone did that to you, lesson learned, better luck next time.
Sebizzar
I can’t make friends in general because apparently my interests and personality are just not in tune with everyone else’s. And most gay guys who message me on any social site/app just want one thing -_- I would love to join an LGBT club or something, but sadly I’m stuck in a small town that doesn’t have LGBT areas, and I don’t have a car. Oh, and to make it all better, I’m dealing with social anxiety and depression. I’m trying to accept that I may just be a loner all my life, but at the same time I don’t think that’s possible for anyone to accept.
SonOfKings
Just last week I was at the gym, in the sauna, with two extremely attractive, hard-body built, straight boys who are brothers. They work out together all the time and I’ve developed a good rapport with both of them, separately and together, because I know how to mind my damn manners. Well anyway, we were having a nice conversation when a Gay male acquaintance entered the sauna and nearly lost his mind ( and control of his eyeballs). I thought “Good Lord Jesus, don’t let this sugar-footed fool embarrass me in front of these boys,”. I tried to converse with him to deflect his attention from the brothers, but he wasn’t having it. He just kept staring and licking his lips until he had to leave the sauna because his dcik was getting hard! As soon as he stepped out, they both burst out laughing; and the younger one said “What a creep!” You can’t have Gay male friends, because they are constantly competing with you, causing mutual embarrassment, and you can’t take them anywhere without them showing their azz!
Captain Obvious
The last time I tried to make gay friends one guy acted like he was on a date with me and one of the others tried to get me to follow him to the bathroom… Some people can swear we’re all making it up and just insecure but where are they but posting on this blog all day? Many gay men really do sexual one every interaction and if you don’t look like someone they want to bang then don’t expect a friendship unless it’s some catty mean girl antics to take you down a peg. I pretty much exclusively prefer lesbians for friendships over the other options.
Gay men looking for real friends should really look to lesbians which are ironically the only group not mentioned like they’re some kind of lepers. You’ll have solid friends without the other garbage and they’re gay too so they get it.
Face it gay men interacting will think about sex on some level so to avoid all that you can turn to our opposites for friendships… Or you can listen to catty guys who will keep telling you it’s all your fault and call you all sorts of names on the Internet.
DarthKitsune
Some of these whispers and the comments here are just down right insulting.
Billysees
The comments with photos are very realistic, thought provoking and informative. And the comments in this comment section are excellent too.
Here are a few of my favorites —
CAM:
” …join a club, an event, a charity, or some other place where gay people hang out. Talk to people, don’t be a dick, and abra cadabra, you will most likely make friends. ”
DON BROWN:
” How about we all just have FRIENDS. I don’t care about their orientation. It is all about quality. ”
ATTICUSBENNETT:…always has something useful to say.
” …also, for some guys it’s all going to come down to location – the smaller the gay community where you live, the smaller your pool of friends will be.
the bigger the city, the more options. you can find gays who love punk rock, opera, sports, camping, dancing, NOT dancing, film music, and on and on and on. ”
MCSHANE:
” Be yourself… Small things you have in common can be a great icebreaker. ”
1EQUALITYUSA:
” Start a poker night once a month… ”
I love Scrabble and Monopoly(perhaps childish I guess). Whatever, it’s a good idea to have ‘get-togethers’ regularly if possible.
DAMEON GENE ROGERS
” It is tough, you should spend time with people you like. And if you are lucky maybe more. Stop stressing and enjoy life whatever it brings… 😉 ”
BIGG
” …Get involved in the community and you will meet many people. Most will be acquaintances though. The older you get, the harder it is to make friends. If I just ask a gay for coffee or to hang out they look at me like I’m crazy. But if I ask to top them, they are like sure! Coffee? Are you insane?
So ass backwards. ”
So ass backwards…hehehe…funny way to put things.
lesavingecourant
@Billysees: So it all comes down to liking the right board games. What a simpleton.
1EqualityUSA
Billysees, I’d play Scrabble with you. Rock on, bro.
lesavingecourant
While some people who have replied are over the top, the supposed well-adjusted gay guys who have friendship figured out boil it down to 1. Sex is cheap, 2. Have no standards. It is not normal to need to have sex first to establish a friendship. That is a bleak vision for one’s life. You can have no boundaries for the self. You are gay, pawn yourself out for a little social acceptance. Treat sex as special and be labeled a homophobe.
You don’t own what being gay is. You are just loud and nihilistic.
BikerPup
Its true. Its hard to make gay friends, especially when you get into midlife years.
Michael E Gwinn
I only figure it out after many years.
Saint Law
@SonOfKings: You sound like the most tragic bitch alive.
Giancarlo85
Find it hard to make gay friends? Well I can’t be friends with the following type of gay people: Gay republicans, gay self hating fake masculine idiots and tools who think they have it all figured out… like that clown lauraspencer.
@lauraspencer: Wow. Another greatly insightful post from the queen of wisdom! Maybe you ought to grasp two good looking gay guys can be friends. But then again you probably think it is impossible. Of course, you are complaining because no gay man would want to be friends with you.
And you know what is worth? Gay men on here constantly degrading other gay men. Talk about a bunch of egotistical self righteous set of idiots nobody would ever want to be friends with!
1EqualityUSA
BikerPup, how about starting a site that is strictly for fun, sports, hiking, guitar jams, poker nights, film festivals? Same idea as other kinds of sites, but the emphasis would be on creating solid friendships.
Saint Law
It isn’t a sexuality thing, it’s a class thing.
Here in London I used to go to a gym in the West End where there was a preponderance of middle class gays because, well, it’s clientele were made up almost exclusively of the international middle class: moneyed, cosmopolitan and cold, cold, cold.
I now go to a gym nearby, frequented by mainly working class and unemployed locals: black blokes, Turkish Brits, East Europeans, with just a few white East Enders like myself.
Most are straight, some are gay, but the ethos there couldn’t be more different. They’re open and welcoming. They talk to you. Some of them want to meet up and do stuff. Sometimes that involves sex, but not necessarily.
They’re warm. And straight or gay, that’s what I look for from a friend above all else: warmth.
lesavingecourant
There’s going to always be this subset of our community who blame everything on straight people and homophobia and refuse to look inward or shift the discussion to one of personal responsibility or expecting more from anyone gay. The public image of gay sociality gives them a pass, and they will ignore everyone else’s experience to maintain their fantasy of okayness.
Doughosier
Most of the few gay friends I have are former lovers. I’ve always been too straight acting to fit in with more flamboyant guys, unless they were attracted to me, which makes friendship short lived.
Alan David Smith
I think it’s harder because we don’t invite the middle. I equate being gay with being bi-racial. my sister was born in 75. she is native-American and irish. and no matter what she did it was alway’s compared to the flip side one person even made a remark to her that they didn’t know Indians liked basketball. as a gay guy that sums up how I feel all the time.
winemaker
Cesar Fortun’s comment above about the gay community in Toronto Canada: I wonder if he’s lived in San Francisco California. He’s described the men here to a tee: arrogant and unfriendly. I’ve lived in San Francisco for many years. When I moved here, the men were very friendly and would interact with you and actually have a conversation with you! Over the years, it seems that most of the gay men I’ve encountered in San Francisco seem so shallow, arrogant, rude and ‘full of themselves”. I thought I left that scene years ago when I lived in Hollywood. I often wonder what’s become of our community. If you’re not their ‘type’, they treat you rudely and give you attitude. I’m so sick of this situation, this is the reason I’m leaving San Francisco.
Realitycheck
Never had problems making friends, the trick is to be able to see and choose the right people,
it is a matter of taking a chance opening one self to others and people will respond in kind.
It is also a capacity to draw lines, bottom line balance.
Ideally, since we all have our short comings, education, emotional stability and intelligence.
onthemark
@lesavingecourant: “There’s going to always be this subset of our community who blame everything on straight people and homophobia and refuse to look inward…”
Really? I don’t see that at all, especially in THIS comment thread. I see a bunch of self-hating-homophobic whiners blaming the “gay community” for all their imaginary fvcking problems.
onthemark
@Billysees: Re: “Start a poker night once a month.”
Meetup.com
Ken A.
I never cared if my friends were gay or straight, male or female…….as long as we were compatible and we had fun. I prefer the four legged kind, they’re loyal, they don’t bitch or complain about anyone and they wont leave you….:)
onthemark
Meetup.com… newest group… Whiny Self-Hating-Homophobic Bitches Finding FRIENDS…
“In this group we are non-judgmental and we blame all of our problems on the Gay Community. Straight people are allowed, in the unlikely event they want to show up. In fact, straight people are preferred because they’re, like, you know, better. In this group we go to movies a lot because then we don’t need to interact. Usually superhero-type flicks. After that we usually go to some generic chain restaurant like Applebee’s because if we went to some ‘ethnic’ place what would people think, they might think we were gay or something.”
AtticusBennett
@SonOfKings: that’s because you have internalized homophobia. gay men who can’t befriend and bond with other gay men are complicit in their own misery.
AtticusBennett
@lesavingecourant: it’s not that ‘we need to have sex to make friendships’ – it’s that we’re not puritanical ninnies who are afraid of sexuality.
i have MANY gay friends i’ve never been sexual with. i also have MAAANNNYYY gay friends i have been sexual with. and am still occasionally sexual with. and, drumroll please, my life rocks, i have tonnes of gay friends, and i have no struggles with meeting and befriending other gay men.
now, ask yourselves why it’s hard for you to make gay friends: here’s why – you’re still terrified of what people think about you for being gay.
get over it.
Stache99
@Robby Robinson: That all depends on where you find your friends.
heavylifter
@AtticusBennett:
Any smart gay man has a certain level of homophobia, its the only way to avoid the toxic gay subculture of permissive sex, drug use and permanent victimhood politics.
heavylifter
Definitely difficult to make gay friends unless you are willing to play along with the weird sexual politics and mind games prevalent in fruit loops.
AtticusBennett
@heavylifter: no, it’s hard for you to make gay friends because you’re still living each day hoping that your daddy won’t think you’re like those Awful Gays that he made fun of and denigrated every day of your sorry life.
you can’t make gay friends because you’re still living to appease an anti-gay daddy, and you never grew the orbs to be your own man.
hmmmm toxic gay subculture of permissive sex, eh? yeah, because enjoying a liberated view of sexuality has …um…. well, like i said, it’s meant that i’ve been able to make best friends out of hookups, and not worry about what some insecure hetero-wannabe homo thinks about it.
“fruit loops” – exactly my point. you won’t make any gay friends because you’re still crippled by internalized homophobia. no self-respecting gay man will want to be your friends because you don’t respect yourself as a gay man.
insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and hoping to get a different result. so wake up, boys – YOUR WAY hasn’t worked, if you can’t make and maintain gay friends. time to stop thinking you’re so smart, because you’re clearly to, and learn something from the rest of us who’ve been able to maintain exceptionally strong friendships with other gay men.
heavylifter
@AtticusBennett:
Thanks for proving my point about toxic gay subculture:
“hmmmm toxic gay subculture of permissive sex, eh? yeah, because enjoying a liberated view of sexuality has …um…. well, like i said, it’s meant that i’ve been able to make best friends out of hookups”
So the way you make your gay friends is by having another queen up to his elbow in your back door while on ice at the nightly “Party and Play” session you attend.
No wonder there are huge epidemics of syphilis, gonorrhea and various other sex diseases in the homosexual population.
#GAYPRIDE #SOBRAVE #LOVEISLOVE
Giancarlo85
@heavylifter: Thanks for sharing. You have any other homophobic attacks you want to do on other gay men because they don’t match your definition of masculinity?
Heavylifter? LOL at that username! Any connection to “masc pride”? What do you heavy lift? A krispy kreme donut into your mouth?
I’m not advocating “free sex”, but your view on other gay people is definitely bigoted and disgusting.
People like you are so fake on so many levels. And they way you attack other gay people while piggy backing on progress that is being made, shows how much of a fucking bigoted asshole you really are. Pardon my language, but I’ve just about had it with people like you. Go back into the closet because you do more damage than even anti-gay people do.
Giancarlo85
@AtticusBennett: He calls gay people fruitloops because his dad used the same language. He thinks he’s better than all other gay people and thinks he’s more important. He’s trying to impress his straight friends that he’s like them.
I’m so tired of fake ass posers like him.
onthemark
@heavylifter: @lesavingecourant:
Although I totally agree with Atticus here (and that doesn’t always happen, lol) I think the sexual side-track has confused both of you. Sex is a side issue. If it simplifies things, take sex out of the equation.
Yes, you can be friends with someone you never had sex with. Nowhere in the Gay Rule Book does it say you can’t do that. But there’s also nothing wrong with becoming friends with someone you’ve had sex with. I don’t know where you got the idea that’s weird or wrong. And to address the point about STDs, no doubt it’s much easier to become friends with someone you didn’t catch gonorrhea from!
But I have many gay male friends who I’ve never been sexual with. Nor do we talk about sex, much. The friendships are based on other interests. There are plenty of other things to talk about and to do.
Drugs are easy to avoid. Sure, they’re around, and they can be a problem if you get caught up in that crowd. But drugs are also easy to avoid in gay life, unless you are totally spineless, and vulnerable to any peer pressure. Which may be your situation. I don’t know why else you guys are so terrified of drugs and sex.
If you guys don’t want any gay friends, fine! Some of us are just explaining to you the REAL reason you don’t have any.
Anyway, it seems like you guys should be able to find gay friends. You could sit around and bitch about how much gay life sucks and how fvcked up the “gay community” is. See? You have something in common already! Throw in a board game and you’re all set.
lauraspencer
@Giancarlo85:
Hi Giancarlo!! Happy Sunday. Hope you are having a great weekend!!
Once again you are wrong about me. I’m fortunate to have many friends, gay, lesbian, straight, 20-somethings up to 60-somethings. Just today I had brunch with 3 friends and then dinner with two others. Now after talking to my 97 year old grandmother on the phone I’m about to watch Netflix.
I’m lucky to easily make friends because I’m open to many different people as long as we have a shared interest/hobby, values, morals, etc. I do not define my friendships on having to find my friends physically attractive. Often gay men say they want friends, but they actually want to be physically attracted to those friends. If you put a basic friendship before finding a friend that you are also physically attracted to then making friends can be pretty easy.
Giancarlo85
@lauraspencer: I am 100% sure you are not blessed with that. If you were, you wouldn’t be on here all the time (you post here more than anyone else under virtually every article).
“:Often gay men say they want friends, but they actually want to be physically attracted to those friends.”
More holier than thou nonsense. How would you know? If one physically attractive gay guy is friends with another physically gay guy it doesn’t mean any that they want that out of each other. You love grandstanding and demonstrating how much “better” you are than everyone else. You’re so full of shit.
SonOfKings
It seems to me that if significant numbers of Gay men are finding it difficult or impossible to form meaningful friendships with other Gay men there are a couple of likely explanations:
1. There is something paychologically wrong with significant numbers of Gay that prevents them from making friends with other Gay men.
OR
2. There is something particularly toxic and dysfunctional about Gay culture that makes it problematic for even well-adjusted, psycologically healthy Gay men to make friends with other Gay men.
Based on my observations and experience I think the correct explanation is number 2. Many Gay men enter this lifestyle with high hopes, but get ground down and spit out by a predatory culture that is all teeth and no heart.
lauraspencer
@SonOfKings: @lauraspencer:
I do not think I am better than anyone else and I have never said so. If you think I come off that way then that is more your issue than mine. I would hope from my postings that you have realized by now I’m a pretty open and honest person. If I thought I was better than you I would definitely let you know, but Giancarlo I don’t think that I’m better than you or anyone else.
As for my postings you can easily see that my comments tend to be on weekends and later evening most of the time. Sometime even on my lunch hour. I’m fortunate to have plenty of friends and we all make time for one another. I’m also good at multitasking….right now I’m watching BOXTROLLS on Netflix, just finished some ice cream and are chatting with a couple guys on Scruff. I’m pretty good at making sure everyone has their “Laura time”….even you.
Hope you have a great day tomorrow! Hugs, cartwheels and rainbows to you and yours.
lauraspencer
@lauraspencer:
@Sons of Kings..I didn’t mean to direct my message at you. That was an error. Sorry.
onthemark
@SonOfKings: Dude, we keep telling you how to do it, and you keep ignoring our advice.
There is no “gay culture.” It doesn’t exist. Well, apparently in your own mind it exists. See a therapist.
Using your OWN reasoning – you say there are a lot of gay men out there who are very similar to you. (And I’m sure you’re right about that! This comment thread is proof enough of that.)
So obviously, since they are out there, you could still meet them and make friends with them. Someplace outside this “gay culture” you’re so afraid of. Like, say, a very non-gay coffee shop, or very non-gay hiking trail, or very non-gay bowling alley. Some place where gay culture dare not bare its toxic fangs. How does gay culture literally, physically prevent you from meeting them? That makes absolutely no sense.
Giancarlo85
@lauraspencer: Of course you are grandstanding and saying you are better than other gay men. You are no better than the right wing bigot.
lauraspencer
@Giancarlo85:
I’m glad that you think so highly of me. I never said that I’m better than anyone….gay or straight.
Once again, it comes down to your reading comprehension as it has in the past with other comments of mine and other posters.
Sleep well. Nite nite.
Giancarlo85
@lauraspencer: My reading comprehension is perfectly fine and I can see through your deception. You are one of the biggest frauds on this website and the way you speak of yourself is indicative of how you view other gay men. You need to get over yourself.
lesavingecourant
@AtticusBennett: @AtticusBennett: You are very defensive, projecting presumptuousness and daddy issues, and twisting any which way to appear “successful” so as to shut down conversation and maintain your perch from which to condescend. I suspect that is because your situation isn’t how you describe, and will just leave it at that.
There is no one way to be gay, you don’t own the concept, and just because people on here are sharing their experiences or complaining doesn’t mean they want to be you. This is almost like a weird religion with you. In fact, they are probably happier being themselves, with whatever challenges or disappointments they face, as opposed to you. They have said in various ways that you, or to be precise, the narrative that you’re pushing, is not what they want.
lesavingecourant
On the last reply I meant to also address it to onthemark.
Chris
This is one of the more interesting set of posts and threads I’ve seen. I have lots of friends and professional colleagues. I include family among my network of friends. And I interact with each of them in many different ways – socially, professionally, and personally. But I would call on very few of these friends during those moments of deep distress or utter joy. Friends of this kind are quite rare and they are to be cherished.
I do have quite a few “friends” who’re gay; but, to be honest, I don’t seek them out. We sort of become friends because we liked each other’s company when we met; or we liked one another’s ideas, or to compete in pool, or whatever the source of that friendship is. I’ll admit that I’d like to have more friends who are gay; but honestly, I’m so busy with other stuff that I don’t make it a priority to seek them out. So I’ve always placed the “fault” for that on myself.
One last observation: I don’t think it matters where/how friends meet. Whether it’s playing racketball, at the last Grateful Dead Concert (which I missed, sniff!), at a bar, or having a casual sexual encounter — where we meet our friends doesn’t matter as much as that, during our meeting, we find that each of us brings something to the encounter that the other enjoys and that we genuinely seem to get along. So to those of you who don’t like the idea of becoming friends with people with whom you’ve had sex (or who want to have sex with you), why not?
onthemark
@lesavingecourant: That’s an amusing first for me, being compared to Atticus, if one knows our history. Although we do agree here I’ll say for myself (for instance) that I leave the “daddy” issues out of it.
Going back over your posts, I’ll just go by what YOU have said about your own situation. If you, personally, are more comfortable making friends with women, fine. And hardly an unusual situation. We’ve seen “Will & Grace” reruns too.
You’re too highfalutin’ to have sex on the first date. Fine. Your medal is in the mail. And as I already said, that’s a side issue in terms of simply finding friends.
You’re too highfalutin’ to make friends by playing board games. Too declasse for you, I suppose. Go to the opera if you prefer. That was merely a suggestion for anyone it might appeal to, who actually WANTS gay male friends, which you don’t seem to want anyway.
You say you had (in the past) “some internalized homophobia to work through.” I agree with you that’s hardly unusual. But since you turn that into a generalized pontification that “most gay guys” have the exact same problem, you’d need evidence to back up such a sweeping claim. Yet you accuse me & others of believing there’s only “one way to be gay”? Ri-i-i-i-ght.
onthemark
@Chris: That’s a very sane way of looking at it.
Regarding the sex-first issue (or “problem” if one prefers), it’s happened to me relatively infrequently but I can honestly say that after a few months of being non-sexual friends, we pretty much forgot about that initial sexual encounter. We just got on with however the resulting non-sexual friendship developed. It’s just not THAT awkward, so I urge people not to be so scared of that.
Making friends is not rocket science. I’m not an outgoing person – far from it. More like withdrawn & introverted. I have to make a certain effort to get involved in activities that interest me, where gay men tend to be. Plus there’s a certain effort in maintaining the existing friendships going back three decades in some cases.
And yes, it was much easier in my 20s than it is now in my 50s (after a LOT of my close friends have already died!) – which is exactly why it’s so irritating to see apparently very young guys here trying to “prove” that there’s some mysterious “toxic gay culture” that fvcks up everything and makes it absolutely impossible to find and maintain gay friendships. What are they trying to prove? We’re all supposed to agree with them when our personal experience contradicts everything they say?
As you indicate, when/if you want more gay friends, and have the time, there are ways to go about doing that.
Stefano
@onthemark : i really love your reply. You are spot on. I was exactly like those young guys when i was young until i realise that it was me who had a problem. I was jealous of other gay guys because they are confident, atttractive and feeling good about themselves.
onthemark
@Stefano: Thanks! If it helps anyone, I had a bad background for all this. I was bullied a lot in school, probably borderline autistic, though I never heard that term back then. I had some good luck when I came out (early ’80s) in finding some great gay friends. They had some actual grown-up activities and interests – not just drinking or drugs (but not puritans, most of them). Very lucky for me. So I learned to look for this quality, later on. Although most of my early friends died of AIDS in the ’80s and ’90s, I’m still friends with the survivors after all these years.
I’m also totally mystified by very young guys who are convinced there is some monolithic “toxic gay culture” that’s out to grind them down. Back in 1980, there were few ways to meet, and gay culture was still rather monolithic. It really was! But it’s definitely not monolithic now. I’m not pining for “the good old days.” There are dozens of ways to meet gay people now that just didn’t exist back then.
AtticusBennett
@lesavingecourant: *yawn*
they’ve said that they struggle making gay friends. and insist it has nothing to do with their more than obvious internalized homophobia.
which is why they’re insane. they want to keep doing the same thing the same way and hope that one day it will yield a different result. it never will. ever.
i know there isn’t “one way to be gay” – which is why i have such diverse types and groups of gay friends. while the complainers in here have NONE.
some of you don’t want to give up being insecure prudish ninnies, and yet complain that you can’t find other insecure prudish ninnies who are gay to commiserate with.
try getting rid of your baggage.
lauraspencer
@Giancarlo85:
Again it is your issue and not mine. You obviously are reading things into my comments that aren’t there. I have now said numerous times that I am not better than anyone…gay or straight. You are the one who continues to suggest that I am.
1EqualityUSA
Unresolved pain must be healed. Whether nightmares, repeating themes, or strife, the capacity for us to heal is immense. The subconscious invites what we need, good or bad. There’s no shame in unresolved pain, however, It does steer the boat sometimes. Unnamed pain takes part in decisions. Attraction, rooted in the depths of our psyche, is really admiration of a trait or quality of another. The comments on these threads would give the Boys in the Band a run for the money. We have been through a tough time. People, Pastors, politicians, and Popes have all been scrutinizing us. Damn, if there ever was a subset in society that bears pain, it is this one. If you recognize it in another, at least be tender and use power well. We’ll get through. Make friends, walk dogs, enjoy life. Name a monster and recognize patterns. Fibonacci would agree.
Giancarlo85
@lauraspencer: You have no integrity yet you always tell people how they should act and that you’re better than some gay people. Keep on peddling that nonsense. Just like your political views… wishy washy and dishonest.
lauraspencer
@Giancarlo85:
“Wishy washy and dishonest”?? Again with the reading comprehension. I have strongly and honestly stated my political views numerous times. I’m a registered Democrat and have voted Dem 80% of my voting record. Of the current crop of candidates I’m interested in Bernie Sanders, but I wish Elizabeth Warren had thrown her hat in the ring.
As for always telling people how they should act and that I’m better than some gay people please share the evidence. I never did either one. If you have proof I would love to see it.
Hugs, cartwheels & rainbows to you. Nite 🙂
Giancarlo85
@lauraspencer: And again… there you go… peddling more garbage and dishonesty. You voted for Romney/Ryan. That says it all really. I don’t care what you voted for. 80% to me is not good enough, because the other 20% of the time you are voting for people who are selling this country out to corporations and white collar criminals.
And stop trying to backtrack and support Sanders you putz. You say you are economic conservative, yet you support Sanders? You’re covering your own ass at this point.
lauraspencer
@Giancarlo85:
My voting record speaks for itself. I have a feeling based on your youth that you haven’t voted as much as I have. When you vote for as many Democrats as I have in my life then let’s talk.
Thanks for sharing the evidence I asked for. I knew you couldn’t.
Nite nite. Hugs, unicorns and rainbows!
1EqualityUSA
lauraspancer, I disagree with your political views, however, I do like the way you end your comments with flowery sweet nothings. It makes me smile.
Giancarlo85
@lauraspencer: Your voting record is total shit. That’s the problem. You haven’t voted for as many democrats as you claim. I’m pretty sure it is more like 75% republican and 25% democrat. and don’t try to talk me down, you ignoramus. You don’t even have an understanding of actual issues. Never have I met someone so ignorant in my life!
Giancarlo85
And again, how can an economic conservative for Bernie Sanders? You clueless half wit.
lauraspencer
@1EqualityUSA:
Thank you for disagreeing with me and being respectful 🙂
Your parents raised you well.
Moonbeam & Sugar cloud dreams!
lauraspencer
@Giancarlo85:
Please look up comments from the person you call an ignoramus and see how many times he has resorted to using profanity. For someone who acts so knowledgeable in politics how in the world did you never learn to speak properly and respectfully?
You continue to call me a liar even though I have stated my voting record numerous times. Believe what you want. I’m not on here to convince you.
Sleep well!!!
Billysees
@1EqualityUSA:
” …I’d play Scrabble with you. Rock on, bro. ”
Scrabble is my favorite. There is on-line Scrabble I think, which would enable folks far away from one another to play. What do ya’ think?
Billysees
@onthemark:
” Re: “Start a poker night once a month.”
Meetup.com ”
I went to Meetup.com and was amazed at how many social groups and organizations were shown, and still downloading as I returned to this website. And they were all from my hometown too. I guess my email or IP address, which is from an ISP in the State I live in, determined the nearby listings automatically. Many LGBT groups also.
Thanks for the heads-up about this resource.
Billysees
@Chris:
” — where we meet our friends doesn’t matter as much as that, during our meeting, we find that each of us brings something to the encounter that the other enjoys and that we genuinely seem to get along. ”
Nicely said.
Billysees
@1EqualityUSA:
” Make friends, walk dogs, enjoy life. ”
Your whole comment was good but the simplicity of the above stood out.
Billysees
@lauraspencer:
” Nite nite. Hugs, unicorns and rainbows! ”
” Moonbeam & Sugar cloud dreams! ”
” Sleep well!!! ”
” Hugs, cartwheels & rainbows to you. Nite 🙂 ”
Cute and funny endings.
johnnyr860
Why does it matter if you’re gay bi or straight? Half the people you posted stuff about have friends just not gay friends. Hey at least you all have friends I have none. I’ve been living here for 3 months now (moved here from out of state) and I have literally no friends. I don’t care if your gay or not I just happen to be gay but I’d like to make friends somehow and unfortunately I’m not a very social person. I don’t get out much. If I’m not at work or with family then I’m at home by myself. I’m very shy and I don’t like clubbing or meet up groups. It’s a lot harder then it looks like to make friends especially when you just moved somewhere new that you don’t know much about. I just need to make sure if I made friends that they wouldn’t care that I’m gay. But I don’t care if they are gay or not. Any suggestions?
lexus350
I agree! I find it very hard to meet gay guys for friendship! There should be an app created for gay guys looking for friends. lol
imperator
Hey it could be worse– very few of the above posts make any mention of difficulty making non-gay friends, so at least for those people maybe it’s a selective incompetence. I’m an introvert with a limited range of interests (most of which are kinda’ niche), a bit of a contrarian streak, and just enough friends, who accept me the way I am, that I get the modest doses of socialization I’d like, and haven’t really felt the need to meet new people in a while. As such, I’ve forgotten how to “make friends.” With anybody. I think I’m just too set in my ways for the give-and-take required to initiate any new relationship. Contact with ‘new people’ feels like standing on the edge of a minefield.
Billysees
I reread many of the comments here and they’re as good and unique today as they were in July of last year.
I met a guy, from the bar-scene, many years ago who had all the good qualities I liked but he lived in a different city about an hours drive away. Because I can easily fall head-over-heels for the right guy, I was afraid to get too close to him because of that distance issue. Neither of us were prepared to move from our hometowns. So, we are just friends now with email contact and that turned out to be OK.
Neonegro said it best what I’m sure we all feel about others — I make friends based on likability.
We’ve got do whatever it takes to find that likeable guy or hope that Mr. likeable will come to us.