Well, we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief because Donald J. Trump just lost his reelection bid. The election was just called for Joe Biden which means, come Wednesday, January 20, 2021, our shared four-year nightmare will finally (finally!) be over.
There will no doubt be a lot of chaos, craziness, and challenges in the weeks, months, and possibly years ahead, but at least we won’t have a racist, homophobic president in the White House making everything 100X worse.
Sooooo what’s Trump gonna do now that, like millions of other Americans, he’s out of a job? We have some ideas…
Lawyer up
Trump literally has hundreds (yes, hundreds) of pending lawsuits that he’s been protected from as POTUS but which he’ll finally have to deal with come January 20, 2021. He has so many lawsuits that there’s an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to the biggest ones. And we’re sure there will be many, many more to come. The lawsuits range from defamation to sexual misconduct to fraud. Suffice to say, the 74-year-old soon-to-be-ex-president will likely spend the rest of his life in court and, quite possibly, in prison.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Find a new wife
We think it’s safe to say that Melania won’t be sticking around much longer. She’s literally been planning her exit strategy since 2017, when she refused to move into the White House for six months while she renegotiated her prenuptial agreement. And whatever chances Trump had at keeping her around post-presidency were likely shot to hell after it was reported that he’s more than $1 billion in debt. We wouldn’t be surprised if she’s having the divorce papers drawn up at this very moment.
Flee the country
During a superspreader event campaign stop in Georgia last month, Trump told the crowd that if he lost the election to Joe Biden, he would have to take up residency overseas, saying, “Could you imagine if I lose? My whole life—what am I going to do? I’m going to say, I lost to the worst candidate in the history of politics! I’m not going to feel so good. Maybe I’ll have to leave the country, I don’t know.” Start packing, Donnie.
Get off Twitter
Delete your account. https://t.co/Oa92sncRQY
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 9, 2016
Hillary Clinton savagely told Trump to delete his Twitter account in June 2016. He didn’t listen, unfortunately, and look where he’s ended up: as a one-term president and an international laughing stock who will go down as the worst leader in American history. We’d say it’s time he put down his phone and gave his Twitter fingers, and the rest of us, a break.
Mister P
He will defect to Russia.
Fname Optional Lname
You might have a point, although rumor has it Putin is not doing so well on the health side right about now. Of course his lemmings are trying to pass their version of an executive order that would make it impossible to ever charge Putin with a crime! Can you imagine? Why would that even be an issue if he wasn’t a huge dirty rotten criminal!!!! You can’t make this up, not even Fox news or the Onion!
Bob
Why would Putin let him in? I’m sure he’s lost any usefulness he ever had, being an ex-president and horribly in debt.
TomG
Sometime between now and January 20th, 2021 Trump is going to take Air Force One to Russia on a “diplomatic Mission” and then ask his BFF Vlad Putin for asylum and stay there, to avoid going to jail in New York State for tax and loan fraud. I will bet on that !
Kangol2
Yes, Putin allegedly has Parkinson’s and they’re trying to push legislation to make him a Senator-for-life (it just sounds corrupt!) and indemnify for any and all crimes he might have committed while in power (or even before, as KGB head). Soooo corrupt. But hey, Russia has been good to Edward Snowden, Don the Con is even thinking of pardoning him (since Snowden has Putin’s protection), and Don the Con did want to build a tower in Moscow, so it might all work out in the end. Unless opposition leader Alexei Navalny hangs on and get elected. Then all bets are off.
But there’s always Saudi Arabia, UAE, Israel, Turkey, even North Korea, so Don the Con has options.
Mack
He has a lot of top secrets knowledge (if he paid ANY attention during the briefings) And if I’m not mistaken he will still receive briefings as a former president. He’s actually a loose cannon at this point.
handy6924868
I wish he would. I can also see Putin sending him to Siberia!
Bob
Why would that be allowed? dumpy is useless to Putin now. As a former KGB officer, Putin has lots of people who think they’re his friends, but very few true friends.
Endgame
I can’t imagine DT trying to learn Russian, one of the hardest languages on Earth. He can barely manage English.
Catholicslutbox
He’s not going anywhere.
He’s not going to concede.
He’s going to stretch it out as long as possible.
WashDrySpin
His concession is not needed for Biden to take office
AxelDC
His job expires January 20th, whether he likes it or not.
Essie
People seem to think a losing candidate has to “concede.” That’s not true. It’s only a courtesy that they all do because they have class. Dump does not and has never had any degree of class. He probably thinks if he doesn’t concede it means he’s still president. Sorry. Not true. On January 21, 2021, he will no longer be President of the United States. It would serve him better if he spends these final few week meeting with his lawyers and trying to figure out how to get rid of some of these lawsuits that will be coming at him beginning on January 22, 2021.
GayEGO
The prison van will blow its sirens on the way to the White House to arrest, handcuff, and drag Donnie kicking and screaming to the prison van – “I won the election! This is a voter fraud!”. Buh-bye Donnie!
Bob
Wouldn’t it be fun if he refused to leave and the secret service had to kick down the door and throw the whole stinking bunch out? I bet most of the world would pay $20 or $50 to watch it happen on pay per view. Be a good way for the loser to help pay the deficit down on his way out!!
Doug
I would pay to see the Feds escorting him out of the White House on January 20!
Bob
And even if he somehow stayed. On January 20th, there would be a President Pelosi!
Liquid Silver
I have another suggestion, but I believe it violates the TOS around here. Also, it contains dirty words.
rickywintour
We don’t care now get over it. Your sugar daddy lost and now you’ll have to pay your bills off your knees now.
Liquid Silver
What are you drunkenly whining about?
gus.lightner
Hillary Clinton for Attorney General!
WashDrySpin
Michelle Obama would be an awesome choice
AxelDC
Sally Yates
MISTERJETT
#5 GO TO THE DEVIL!!!!!
Terrycloth
I’m sure they have already confiscated his passport..the biggest reason Agent Orange wanted re election so bad he is scared of the many lawsuits that await..he was safe in the whitehouse.he will soon be able to 86 the wig the girdle the shoe lifts and rest in his cell alone ( he pardoned his cronies ) rest his bone spurs..we will find out he owes more than he is worth and never was a billionaire ..
TomG
Sometime between now and January 20th, 2021 Trump is going to take Air Force One to Russia on a “diplomatic Mission” and then ask his BFF Vlad Putin for asylum and stay there, to avoid going to jail in New York State for tax and loan fraud. I will bet on that !
Bob
Then he’ll find out that Vlad was never his BFF. He was being handled by an expert former KGB officer!
butchdiva
His only realistic move now is to do a Nixon; resign and have Pence Pardon him. Maybe his sociopathic children will stand by him if he moves to a non extradition country. I think Melania is smart enough to leave.
WashDrySpin
Trump has TOO much ego for him to resign
butchdiva
I hope you’re right Wash. I think most of us would pay money to see him prosecuted. Think of the ratings the networks would get for that spectacle.
Josh447
Yep. He’ll do anything to keep out of jail including have Pence pardon him if that would help. He doesn’t care what people think, he’d explain it away to his Trump world brain. But the rest of the suits outside of government ordination may do him in. No doubt the Trump entertainment era is far from over, even if jailed.
Fname Optional Lname
In order to be pardoned he would first have to be charged with a crime and the prosecutors who are going after him are certainly smart enough to wait until Jan 21. Also he can only be pardoned for federal offenses, not state charges. Attorney General Letitia James has had his number for quite some time, she’s on the case and will NOT let him wiggle his way out of the NY State charges he will be facing.
Kangol2
Don’t forget that Don the Con floated the idea that he could pardon himself. In the spirit of his bae Putin he may just issue a blanket pardon of himself (and no one else except Ivanka?) and see if he can get away with it. It won’t work with New York State but it could keep the IRS, FBI and next Attorney General off his lousy, corrupt behind!
bachy
Trump has been flushed down his Golden Toilet. Congratulations, America!!!
AxelDC
UnPresidented!
Zip22Zip
He can do lot of damage between now and January 21, 2021. Let’s hope he doesn’t.
Essie
I’m betting he will pardon a bunch of his rich buddies who are Federal prisoners, maybe Madoff?????
GayEGO
He will say a lot of crap, but he will be ignored as he is a coward who thinks his mouth will solve his desires!
IndependentForever
The most important thing I would like Loser Donny to do is what most ex-Presidents do, that is do whatever they want but let the new president do his job with MINIMAL commentary. I think the best example of our last number of presidents, and I am no fan of George W. Bush, but he went home to his ranch and you RARELY heard from him. I think that is somewhat a tradition or show of respect from one to another. Realistically, I doubt that is how it will go with Dump. He has broken so many traditions and norms and we know he can’t keep his pie hole closed.
I just wrote my one senator ( a Republican ) and asked if there are protocols in place and if the Republican Senate can exercise oversight over Trump and his freaky family that I am concerned they will try to walk out of the White House with sensitive documents or at least information and sell it to the highest bidder. We know he is capable of that and more. Big Baby Donny The Loser would damage the nation that way out of pure childlike spite.
Kangol2
Don’t you think Don the Con has already turned over lots of sensitive info to Putin, though? Remember, he was begging China to help him get reelected (according to John Bolton), he has done basically whatever Turkey, Israel and Saudi Arabia want, and he seems to be enthralled by North Korea’s dictator, so who’s to say he hasn’t already shared all kinds of US secrets? Don’t forget the time he revealed secret Israeli info to Russia that could have compromised all kinds of covert actions that were helping the US! Also remember that not long ago he also blurted out the fact the US has some new, horrifying secret weapon! That was classified but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Who needs Snowden to be leaking secrets when Don the Con is doing it in the course of being a demented blabbermouth?
barryaksarben
He already has tons of dirt on many in the gop which he likely got from Putin. He blackmailed so many of them including Ms Graham who must have some very nasty pics since he is still stuck to Trumps ass like a lamprey. He wont shut up as he will either run in 2024 if not in jail or try to run one of his evil spawns so will need to keep his teeny tiny hand in. He will harrass the left until he finally has that stroke from his diet and all the drugs he does. He already wears a diaper and I understand smells to high hell
moretruth
He’ll be dead within the year.
barryaksarben
we can hope
Terrycloth
Hope he leaves the WH earlier so they can fumigate top to bottom..
If he is still there on jan 20 that is tresspassing. He will either be escorted out or arrested
Fname Optional Lname
You know damn well he’s got bed bugs and a scorching case of Herpes!
CityBoy300
4 options to consider: Carnival barker. Dog catcher. Whoremaster. Failed ex-president.
SoloMcDaniel
I honestly think he’s going to hook up with OAN Network and rebrand it as the Trump network. He’ll arrange for his kids to work at the network and use it to continue his hate rhetoric .
Kangol2
Can he broadcast from behind bars?
hayesj
Number Five- Jump off Trump Tower into a wet paper towel from Puerto Rico.
SPEEDOSWIMMER
I love seeing Trump supporters CRY, it’s my daily medicine, my weekly energy, my monthly inspiration and my yearly motivation. Their loss is the only reason i’m still alive, i was born to love and enjoy the failure that they have achieved.
barryaksarben
It IS fun isnt it?
hansniemeijer
I am very happy for the US of A.
Fname Optional Lname
We can finally see light at the end of the colonoscopy!
ScottOnEarth
Thank you so much! We are ecstatic over here.
marcbruer777
Tee-hee.
Berkshires Jim
Once out of the White House and of no use to Putin, watch how long before, mysteriously, of course….all the proof of his connection and corruption with Russia are released. Putin will take pleasure in throwing him under the bus. Why would he want anything to do with him? Donny will be better off if he had pissed off Tony Soprano!!
bachy
@Berkshires Jim: Exactly. Your perceptions (to say nothing of the tsunami of lawsuits headed Trump’s way once Biden is in office) are the REAL reason for Trump’s flailing efforts to undermine the American vote.
Max
Trump will always be the impeached president. that title does not go away even though the hearing didn’t result in his removal. he can proudly carry that out the door of the White House.
also, he won’t need anyone’s help on what to do next. even if was was given to him in a gilded binder, he’ll toss it like the pandemic playbook.
Consider This
Time for a reboot of “The Apprentice, staring Donald J. Trump”. Don received over 70 million votes – huge potential audience, including over 1/4 of the LGBTQ community.
barryaksarben
You wish. People are tired of him. The first episode would get some viewers but if you havent noticed a little of him goes a long way and 4 years was more than enough. Besides he will not be the winner he LIED about being. No one believes he is this great businessman he lied about any longer. the jig is up and he wont get a single celeb except a few to go on and no one gives a crap about scott baio or Kirstie Alley
dannysax
Concede? No. Conciliate? No. Have any dignity at all and believe he’s a loser? No. But the truth of the matter is: “Take-a-Dump” will be taking his last one in the White House on Jan.20, 2021!
Joshooeerr
Wishful thinking can be fun. But the truth is that Trump now OWNS the Republican Party. A few Republicans are now trying to delicately distance themselves from Trump, but it’s a pointless exercise, given that the 70million who voted Republican voted for Trump not whatever the party might once have stood for (however symbolically). The Republican’s only way forward is Trumpism. Whether that means Trump 2024, dancing to Trump’s tune as he tweets from the sidelines, or Don Jr / Ivanka 2024, remains to be seen. But anyone expecting a return to the Republican Party of Bush or Reagan is going to be sorely disappointed.
barryaksarben
You are right. they can no longer lie about being the party of “Family values” when they supported this gross serial adulterer, whoremonger, sexual abuser as their hero and they cant claim to be the party of fiscal conservatism any longer as he has given this country its biggest debt load in history. And they are all so power mad that it must be like crystal meth so they all are terrified of losing it to the point they will sell out their souls to be reelected and he can get them in or take them out with a tweet to his deplorables
WSnyder
Trump has p*ssed off a lot of people, and not just Liberals and Democrats. A lot of Republicans and Conservatives have no love for what he’s done to the GOP and Conservative causes. While many of these folks won’t have the b*lls to go after him openly, they’re certainly going to work to throw him under the bus from the shadows. Trump has also p*ssed off a lot of career Government Bureaucrats, from the Intelligence Services to the Weather Services. It doesn’t take a geniuses to see that with his impending lose of power that people he does business with will likely cut their loses as AGs from several states sharpen their knives to dice him up. Hard to say if Trump will end up in jail, but for him what he’s now facing is far worse. His empire, his money, his influence will evaporate and no amount of ranting on Twitter will get that back. And those Rallies he loves with the adoration? They’re about to disappear too.
What he now faces are endless days in court, mounting legal fees, decreasing income, loses in property and prestige. His business will never recover or be the same. People will talk back at him, they’ll ignore him they’ll refuse his calls. He’s going to hear ‘No’ a lot more and watch as people start to call him out for what he is, the ‘Worst President of the United States’, so his ego is going to take a huge thumping.
And I and a lot more people, will be enjoying every minute of it.
barryaksarben
NO CITY WILL FOOT THE BILL for those rallies anymore and you know he NEVER PAYS FOR HIS SHIT HIMSELF. If the GOP can be conned they might give him a going away rally but they will distance themselves from a loser. look at the dems and Carter a truly great man but not a great president whos own party sabotaged him. If the man wasnt a walking saint you would never have heard about him after he left. The right turned on McCain like he had crapped in their shoes because he lost and trump will be the same but it will just take a little more time is all
Terrycloth
Putin only would want trump for information. Since Donnie has the attention span of a rock, never pays attention.when they try to extract information.for once he will tell the truth .I don’t know anything..they wont believe him and torture him..then he will lie to save his behind as usual throwing anyone he can think of under the bus
rbernard
Trump is not just a one term president, thanks to Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats, he is a disgraceful, IMPEACHED, one-term president.
SPEEDOSWIMMER
AMEN!!!
dougie
I vote for “flee the country.” I would even donate for that cause. I know he’s got plenty of money to pay for moving to Russia, but it would just feel SO good to know that I had a little part in helping him leave the U.S.
woodroad34
With the enmity and cloud of corruption and criminality and flight-risk status, they’ll take away his ability to fly out of the country. There are very few countries that have an important relationship with the US that would want to take him in for fear of reprisals–so that lets out Saudi Arabia, the Emirates or any other Middle East Country (Maybe Azerbijan and the ruling mafia family there). And I sincerely doubt any Southern American or Central American country would take him, given how we got Noriega, and Trump’s own stated disgust with those countries. My main concern is that Trump is eligible for international briefings and communications, which he will use for his international businesses–unless Biden states that he’s not someone to be trusted and takes away that privilege. I hope that’s one of the first things Biden does–mitigate Trump’s ability to do anything with his prestige as a former POTUS.
rand503
If Trump stays in the White House after January 20, I hope Biden issues a ‘no-knock’ arrest warrant. The FBI will go in with their guns drawn, and if Trump makes a move, it’s BLAM!
Dymension
He needs to be arrested, ASAP, for crimes against the nation.
Dick Gozinia
It’s too soon to celebrate. (1) All of the votes have not been counted. (2) The recounts have not happened. (3) The legal challenges have not been heard yet. And, (4), Constitutional law is not clear about whether the Republican-controled state legislatures in WI, PA and GA could vote to ignore the election results and appoint a slate of Electors who would all vote for Trump. Likely, none of this will resolve in Trump’s favor but, I think Trumpers would stop at nothing in order to keep Trump in office for 4 more years.
barryaksarben
YOu are right. that was a big reason he wanted to pack the supreme court with people loyal only to him who wouldnt care about the actual legality of what the reason was they will make one up. Look at Kavanaugh who has already said some scary shit about elections and the courts. But I do feel even the incredibly crooked gop would stop it as it would truly destroy this country
Phillip
The SDNY should immediately indict him, arrest him and by doing that they can take his passport away. He will post bail, but the stipulation SHOULD BE that they place an ankle monitor on him so he cannot leave Mar-a-lago until his trial date.
He would not be allowed to post anymore inflammatory Tweets to interrupt the government of Biden and he would NOT be able to try and run for the Presidency for 2024 whilst being tried for all of his charges. If he breaks any of these rules (which he will) then remove his bail and throw him back in prison until his trial date. This evil jerk IS going to go to prison for his crimes and he’s NOT going to interfere anymore with the running of the new government. His days ARE OVER!
justgeo
Go to Russia and toast Putin with Bleach!
james7
I have a fear that Trump will resign a few days before the end of his term and make Pence President for a few days so he can then “pardon” the president. It will be intersting to see where Mayor Pete lands? Cabinet level job or perhaps Chief of Staff or Press Secretary? Will Kamala’s senate seat be filled by Gavin Newsom (wise choice) or how does that work in California? Andrew Yang should be in the new administration. right now i’m so happy Donnie is out and America has come to it’s senses.
Liquid Silver
Pardoning doesn’t work for state charges, I’m pretty sure.
As far as Federal, I’m equally sure there never will be any due to simple precedent, the fact that they’ve spent four years digging dirt, and the fact that there’s enough dirt to dig that it would be…imprudent…to bring charges. Every time I mention it the purists scream, but with only minor experience in the field, I can say with great certainty that however corrupt you think the other side is…your side AND the other side is a thousand times worse.
Kangol2
Trump has talked about pardoning himself for past or potential federal crimes, the US Constitution is vague on the scope of his power to pardon, and given the majority on the Supreme Court now they might go along with it. So perhaps he doesn’t need Pence to pardon him
Pete Buttigieg should get a Cabinet-level post. He’d be superb in a number of them.
Gavin Newsom will fill VP Harris’s seat. There are number of potential candidates, including the openly gay mayor of Long Beach, Robert Garcia, who’s in his early 40s. He’s a Democrat and is friends with Newsom, so he or California Attorney General Xavier Becerra are probably the top choices if the appointee wants to run again, and if not, Newsome could appoint Congresswoman Barbara Lee, who’s 74, politically radical, and could be a caretaker to allow an open primary the next time.
SPEEDOSWIMMER
Buh-bye donald-delusionalMORON-trump.
Cam
Learn which days the prison cafeteria serves cheeseburgers.
Ginger Tom
I honestly can’t see that Trump will seriously have to pay for his crimes. Remember even if he owes hundreds or millions he is still one of the 1%. The US has a two tier justice system: the law does not apply equally to everyone. I am talking fact here, not theory. As a former US President he is bound to get special treatment, whatever his crimes. My best guess? A reasonably manageable fine from NY State and medical exemption from incarceration at the very worst. Apart from that, a pardon in his favor.
There are going to be a lot of disappointed people when he goes free.
JanDivine
You are 100% correct. He will never pay any kind of repercussions for anything.
JanDivine
Donald Trump will never go to prison or pay for his crimes in any way. He has too much money and too many people looking out for him.