see ya!

Four things that loser Donald Trump should do now that he’s been fired

Well, we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief because Donald J. Trump just lost his reelection bid. The election was just called for Joe Biden which means, come Wednesday, January 20, 2021, our shared four-year nightmare will finally (finally!) be over.

There will no doubt be a lot of chaos, craziness, and challenges in the weeks, months, and possibly years ahead, but at least we won’t have a racist, homophobic president in the White House making everything 100X worse.

Sooooo what’s Trump gonna do now that, like millions of other Americans, he’s out of a job? We have some ideas…

Lawyer up

Trump literally has hundreds (yes, hundreds) of pending lawsuits that he’s been protected from as POTUS but which he’ll finally have to deal with come January 20, 2021. He has so many lawsuits that there’s an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to the biggest ones. And we’re sure there will be many, many more to come. The lawsuits range from defamation to sexual misconduct to fraud. Suffice to say, the 74-year-old soon-to-be-ex-president will likely spend the rest of his life in court and, quite possibly, in prison.

Find a new wife

We think it’s safe to say that Melania won’t be sticking around much longer. She’s literally been planning her exit strategy since 2017, when she refused to move into the White House for six months while she renegotiated her prenuptial agreement. And whatever chances Trump had at keeping her around post-presidency were likely shot to hell after it was reported that he’s more than $1 billion in debt. We wouldn’t be surprised if she’s having the divorce papers drawn up at this very moment.

Flee the country

During a superspreader event campaign stop in Georgia last month, Trump told the crowd that if he lost the election to Joe Biden, he would have to take up residency overseas, saying, “Could you imagine if I lose? My whole life—what am I going to do? I’m going to say, I lost to the worst candidate in the history of politics! I’m not going to feel so good. Maybe I’ll have to leave the country, I don’t know.” Start packing, Donnie.

Get off Twitter

Hillary Clinton savagely told Trump to delete his Twitter account in June 2016. He didn’t listen, unfortunately, and look where he’s ended up: as a one-term president and an international laughing stock who will go down as the worst leader in American history. We’d say it’s time he put down his phone and gave his Twitter fingers, and the rest of us, a break.