An older gay man waves a rainbow flag
Posed by model (Photo: Shutterstock)

A question on the AskGayBrosOver30 subreddit has prompted hundreds of replies and got many older guys thinking.

“What are some things you could get away with when you were younger, but can’t now that you are older?” asked the original poster. He started the conversation by offering “Sass: When I was younger, I could get away with being lippy. Now that I’m older, anything sassy just comes off as a bitchy old Queen!”

The replies came flooding in.

Many agreed with the comment about sass.

“I’ve encountered plenty of gay men in their 40s and 50s who still act like ‘mean girls in high school,’ and they only want to sext like teenagers too,” said one. “It’s a reason why I related to Stephen Fry when he was speaking about the ‘infantilization’ of society and how people have become increasingly immature over the years.”


A commentator in his late 40s said, “Drinking alcohol and being functional the next day. I rarely drink anymore and if I have more than 2 drinks I feel it so hard the next morning. Hangovers hit differently than they did in my 20’s!”

Many agreed with this statement.

“I need 2 days to recover fully from a night of drinking. Doesn’t matter how much water I drink before, during and after. Even one or two drinks I still feel hungover the next day most times.”

Others highlighted other physical changes.

One man said he could no longer get away with a, “Size medium shirts that showed off my biceps.”

Another said hard labor exhausts him in a way it didn’t when younger.

“Doing back-breaking manual labor all day (digging a trench with a pick axe, etc. ) then going out for drinks and working again the next day.”

Others agreed, with one guy in his early 50s sharing, “I spent an afternoon just pulling weeds the other week and I could barely walk the next day.”

Of course, physical changes impact all parts of the body, as others pointed out.

One said he could no longer assume he would “Always be rock hard even when extremely turned on. Once it’s happened a few times, the mental game going forward is tough. Viagra works great but, I remember the good ole days haha.”

Interacting with others

Someone else, in his early 40s, said they had become more aware of how they interact with others, especially if it involves physical touch.

“Hugging. As a very young man, I was very touchy and could hug everyone. Now as an adult everyone assumes that’s sexual predator behaviour so I learn to keep my distance. I sometimes go months without physically touching someone else, not even accidentally.”

One suggested that one had to learn to not “pass the buck” as you age. You might be able to blame your inexperience when you’re young, but it doesn’t cut it when older.

“One of the biggest changes to how I live my life, as I’ve gotten older, is realizing that I have to make the decisions in a lot of situations, and if I try to deflect or evade that responsibility – even if I have a very good reason not to ‘make the call’ – it comes off as incompetence.”

Another well-liked comment involved socializing.

One guy said he felt he could no longer get away with, “Using shyness as an excuse. Now people think I’m rude.”

The suggestions continued to roll in, including wearing crop tops, “wearing Ginch Gonch and other Twink underwear,”, “Not having an elevator ride spiel about yourself and your profession”, “Sleeping on a mattress on the floor / not having any bedframe whatsoever”, “Sleeping in odd positions”, “Taking drugs”, and “Being out until 2 am and being at work by 8 am.”

Are thee any others you’d care to add to the list? Drop a comment below.

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