Honestly, Officer, I’m Just Holding This Three-Gallon Drum Of GHB For a Friend

If you were outdoors in Los Angeles Tuesday afternoon, that loud collective groan you heard was all the perverts and hardcore party “boiz” canceling their weekend plans in light of a recent drug bust at LAX. According to the L.A. Times,  three gallons of an ingredient used to make  “the date-rape drug” GHB was seized by officials at one of the airport’s cargo facilities.

Firstly: Wait a minute, GHB is a date-rape drug? We thought it was one of those things you did so you could really enjoy sexytime with a stranger or a five-hour Junior Vasquez set. (Oddly enough, we spent much of our teens thinking how horrific getting “date-raped” sounded, and then most of our twenties annoyed when guys wouldn’t put out fast enough.)

Secondly: GHB is illegal? And poppers still aren’t, right? Sometimes we get our naughty liquids mixed up, and if you’ve ever inhaled lube and applied poppers to your junk, you’ll understand it’s not a good sort of confusion to have.

Thirdly: Who ships an illicit substance in the most obviously suspect container like a nondescript giant white three-gallon jug? A bunch of Chinese amateurs, that’s who!

“Officers made the discovery after examining a three-gallon container smuggled in from China. It had been disguised using a misleading invoice, authorities said.”

But perhaps most perplexing, though, was the statement from Customs agent Todd C. Owen, who said his department is “on the frontline at our nation’s ports of entry, targeting and stopping illegal shipments containing dangerous substances that threaten the health and safety of our nation’s youth.”

The safety of our youth? What about our really hot, defenseless grown-up gays and lesbians who accept drinks from strangers or leave their cocktails unattended for just a sec, only to wind up getting banged by sneaky trolls?  Or the queens who sweat, puke and pass out in the middle of the club because they can’t measure out their dosage correctly in the chaotic light patterns projected on the dance floor?

Those are the ones who should be breathing a sigh of relief right now, not a bunch of paranoid parents.

Photos via U.S. Customs and Border Patrol and Finger Food

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  • Mike in Asheville

    Well Pius Brody, what you know about being gay in LA and GHB is pretty skewed and fucked-up.

    —-Drugging, kidnapping, and raping happened long before GHB was around, and goes on in spite of the “war on drugs”. The practice started with a big club used to knock out the target. Better get to work banning all baseball bats and the like, too?—-

    Why is it that the puritans can’t be happy unless they are ruining everyone elses’ fun? My body, my life — what fucking business is it of yours, Pius Brody, if I CHOOSE to indulge in trying GHB? Poppers?

    It has been more than 10 years, but the handful of times I used GHB, with friendly friends, was a whole lot of fun. And, for me, I also enjoy just being me w/o the illusionary effects of chemical enhancements.

  • Joe

    There is a world of difference between GHB and poppers, and whatever drugs you want to do for your own enjoyment is fine by me, but to speak as if GHB isn’t used to commit rape is just asinine and insensitive. Do whatever drugs you want, but lets not ignore the truth, drunk drivers do kill people, crack heads do steal, and GHB is used to facilitate rape.

  • EdWoody

    If you need to take drugs to enjoy your life, then your life is obviously very fucked up.

  • Spike

    LOL, GHB ‘the date rape drug’ HA HA HA. Like you would have to drug a circuit boy to get him to have sex with you, desperate, and btw, you can’t rape the willing. One other thing, unless the price of G has gone done significantly, aint no one giving that shit away for free.

    Oh yea, and poppers are very much NOT legal, it’s called ‘head cleaner’ as in to clean the heads on your VHS players, and it’s crap stuff compared to what you can get in Europe. Queerty botches it again.

  • mrbrodybrown

    @Mike in Asheville: Hi Mike! Sorry you failed to find the humor in the piece! Also, I think you may be reading a bit too much into it if you think you can read my stance on drug use or partying from this post. For all you know I could have poured a little GHB into my cereal this morning and washed it down with a couple hits of poppers. ;)

  • Ryan

    @Spike: The poppers in Europe (the UK at least) now are terrible. They are not as strong as the poppers available in the united states, and are much more corrosive, which can cause some very unattractive nostril problems. It’s why I stock up whenever I head back home to the US.

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