I Met Gay Jesus On Scruff The Other Day

I was just playing with my iPhone on Good Friday a few weeks back when I had a relevation: Jesus and I were messaging on Scruff.

He was scruffy, round-faced, and with an angelic halo I had first assumed was a Halloween costume prop, or perhaps some sort of iPhone malfunction.

His casual goodwill and kindness, and total selflessness when it came to sending me his pictures expecting nothing in return, struck me as unusually pious and downright uncanny.

I was seized with the need to tell someone about it, but then as quickly as he’d messaged me, he’d signed off: “Gotta go be crucified, BRB Sunday. Tell John I <3 him.”

And so I thought nothing of it–it was too literal, too LOL, too tongue-in-cheek. Couldn’t have been the second coming of gay Jesus. What was this, a Joan Osborne song?

Till I saw this article on The Guardian today, wherein Bona-fide Anglican priest Paul Oestreicher argues passionately that Jesus was “probably” gay.

While Oestreicher dismisses Jesus’ fling with whoress Mary Magdalene as mere rumor, he claims that “the evidence, on the other hand, that he may have been what we today call gay is very strong.”

He supplies us with undeniable evidence of Jesus and John’s intimacy, and he is clearly a Jesus expert:

“In all classic depictions of the Last Supper, a favourite subject of Christian art, John is next to Jesus, very often his head resting on Jesus’s breast. Dying, Jesus asks John to look after his mother and asks his mother to accept John as her son. John takes Mary home. John becomes unmistakably part of Jesus’s family…

Heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual: Jesus could have been any of these. There can be no certainty which. The homosexual option simply seems the most likely. The intimate relationship with the beloved disciple points in that direction. It would be so interpreted in any person today.”

So the Jesus I had talked to on Scruff—it really was the second coming of gay Jesus. Except this time, he lives in Bushwick, Brooklyn and is into a raw-foods freegan diet.

Here’s to hoping he’ll sign on someday soon and save me. I’d even change my name to John for Him.

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  • Jay

    Nobody knows if Jesus was gay, hetero, or bisexual. Then again Gay Inc. wants to claim that every famous man with an unknown sexuality is somehow “gay”.

  • 1equalityUSA


  • Jake


  • LandStander

    @Jay: Yes, much like Straight Inc. wants to claim that every famous man or woman in history was “straight”.

  • Red Meat

    Fake, Jesus was not white.

  • the other Greg

    What’s a “raw-foods freegan diet” – fruit & veggies out of dumpsters? Dandelions & other edible weeds from a dog-pissed vacant lot (formerly industrial) in Bushwick, Brooklyn? Good he’s immortal.

  • Jeff

    I know that guy, he lives in Chicago. Used to see him at Jackhammer all the time or Touche for Bear Night.

  • Mark

    Jeff I’ve seen him too he does it raw and takes loads up his ass.

  • Steve

    At that time in history, they really did not have the concept that we now label as “homosexual”. There was no word in Hebrew for that concept. Neither in Aramaic, or Greek, or Latin.

    Jewish culture expected a man to take a wife and make babies. It was expected, and men who did not have children, were considered eunuchs. In Mathew 19, Jesus says there are three kinds of eunuchs. (see, ) People who we would not call “gay” or “homosexual”, were the eunuchs who were “born that way”, as they had no desire to have sex with a woman, and consequently had no children.

    The notion of homosexuality, and the clam that homosexuality is some sort of sin, did not enter the culture until the reign of Emperor Justinian, which began in 527AD. Before that time, men were free to do whatever they wanted, with whoever they wanted. Most men had one wife, because they wanted a woman and could afford only one. Some had multiple women, or men.

    Jesus was clearly a eunuch — no wife or children. His adult relationships were clearly with other men — the apostles. There really is no good reason to assert that he was not gay. The Bible gives much more reason to suspect that He was.

    The idea that Jesus was what we now call “gay”, is strongly rejected by main line Christian churches. That rejection is because of prejudice, not because of any actual evidence, either in the Bible or anywhere else.

  • Steve

    Please forgive my lack of proof reading:

    People who we would _now_ call “gay” or “homosexual”, were the eunuchs who were “born that way” as they had no desire to have sex with a woman, and consequently had no children.

  • Clockwork

    Judas was gay

  • RLS

    Yeah, we need to stop perpetuating the idea that Jesus was this white guy with long hair and a beard that just happened to be the anomaly in a place where 99.9% of the people were dark-skinned.


  • Tavdy79

    Assuming that guy at the top is Jesus, there’s a little irony in his choice of online name.

    Sutekh was another name for the Egyptian usurper-god Set (also known as Setesh or Seth) who led a rebellion against his brother Osiris, at the time the king of the gods. After being killed by Sutekh, the devotion of Osiris’s wife, Isis, led to Osiris’s resurrection as lord and merciful judge of the dead. Osiris is a lunar deity associated with crops and the cycle of farming.

    Sutekh is synonymous with Satan/al-Shaytan, one of the names of the Judeo-Christian usurper-angel Lucifer, who led a rebellion against Jehovah/Allah. According to Christian belief Jesus was the physical avatar of Jehovah, and was killed through the machinations of Lucifer, but was then resurrected as lord and merciful judge of the dead. Allah is a lunar deity. Jehovah is associated with crops and harvest.

  • Stephen

    We do know that Jesus wasn’t white……..right?

  • David

    GuyDads nobody knows if those people were bisexual or what we’d call gay/lesbian. Bisexuality and homosexuality/lesbianism were around then but they were not like they are today in that now they’re political terms and identities while as back then 1,000’s of years ago they were not.

    It is funny how queerty did a major fail and picked a white guy who doesn’t even look Arabic at all to be Jesus!

  • Jason

    @Mark: @Mark: Oh he does not…

  • Jo Chambers

    So sad to read all of you self justifying comments, when you all actually know the TRUTH.
    God created sex between man and woman, man perverted the world (Soddom and Gamorrah)and God was so disgusted he erased it from the earth.
    I would have had a big fit about the disgusting comments about our Savior, but I thought better of it. Unless you know Him and have given your life to Him, you are all going to burn in hell. And before you think that is going to be one big gay orgy…it won’t is pain, suffering, and eternal damnation.
    So get your lives right, while you still have a chance.
    1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NIV): “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters, nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

  • 1equalityUSA

    The word homosexual was added in 1949

  • Mark

    I know the guy in the picture. He does not live in the East Coast, and he is most definitely not a freegan, very much a carnivore. Yes, he does live in Chicago, but, I’m pretty sure the list of activities attributed to him is rather colorful and not likely to be accurate. So, that leaves two options: either someone hacked his account or this writer is rather imaginative.

  • cowtownruss

    As a born again, spirit-filled christian who happens to be gay, I was somewhat disturbed at the title of the short article/story: “I met gay Jesus on scruff the other day”. I’m not sure why, though…(?) I like to think that Jesus was/is the type that would not like to be “labeled”. Personally, the only label I think any of us should try to use for Jesus is: “Our Lord and Savior”. I have to admit though, some of the comments made were sort-of educational for me. I still struggle, at times, about being gay & christian & about what is right & what is wrong (being from the south as a child & always being reminded that anyone who was “queer” would burn in hell for eternity) My spiritual growth over the past few years has taught me to know that God does love me & I now love myself as i am. The words: “gay” & “homosexual” do not define me as a person. I’m not ashamed of being gay & definately not ashamed of being a christian. When I first started to attend church at age 34, without actually “coming-out” to the wisest,smartest person I know, I posed the Question: “What do you think about someone being GAY & trying to go to church & be a CHRISTIAN?” and she said; “I think that’s between them & God” I believe that statement to this day. And,…in the words of another wise & smart person…”Baby,I was born this way!” To the person who commented about gays burning in hell…please remember–we are not suppose to judge one another. Let’s all try to be good christians like we are supposed to. Sometimes it may be best if we put down our “judgement sticks” and pick up and read this history book called,.. the Bible.

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