the thirst is real

Kristi Noem proves there’s nothing she won’t do or say to be picked as Trump’s #2

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Kristi Noem frowning

During the early days of COVID, Trump suggested Americans inject themselves with bleach, take horse medication to ward off infection, and promised the virus would dissipate around Easter.

It’s hard to imagine any president compiling a worse track record of public statements at the onset of a worldwide pandemic. But Kristi Noem disagrees. The South Dakota governor, who’s sooooo thirsty to be Trump’s #2, remembers those days fondly.

When it comes to ingratiating herself with the MAGA base, there’s nothing she won’t say.

In a recent interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity, Noem said she’s thankful every day that Trump was in the White House when COVID first hit.

“I just remembering back to those first days of COVID, and I thank God President Trump was the president, and was in the White House at that time,” she gushed. “He actually let me be governor and make decisions for our people that were the best for our state, and our state is thriving today because of that. “

Talk about a perversion of history!

Trump’s COVID policies, or lack thereof, were catastrophic, contributing to more than 400,000 deaths under his watch in 10 months. During the final five weeks of his presidency, more than 100,000 Americans perished, which averaged out to one death every 26 seconds.

While the country was shutting down in March 2020–on his orders, by the way–Trump was touting the ratings of his press briefings.

“Because the ‘Ratings’ of my News Conferences etc. are so high, ‘Bachelor finale, Monday Night Football type numbers’ according to the @nytimes, the Lamestream Media is going CRAZY,” he tweeted March 29. “‘Trump is reaching too many people, we must stop him.’ said one lunatic. See you at 5:00 P.M.!”

Stuck at home, millions of Americans did tune in, and heard his nonsensical ramblings. Despite those fatal missteps, Noem says she would happily compare Trump’s record on COVID to Joe Biden‘s.

“If Biden wants to go back and visit COVID; boy, do I have some stories of what happened on Day One when Joe Biden took over the White House,” she told Hannity. “Our military declined, he attacked our people. He tried to mandate vaccines and masks, and hurt our children and set them back. It was tragic what his policies did to this country.”

When Biden took office on January 20, 2021, tens of thousands of Americans were dying on a daily basis, and more than 10.2 million were unemployed. Today, only 2.2 million Americans are on the unemployment rolls, and the unemployment rate stands at 3.9%, among the lowest it’s been in 10 years.

Tragic indeed.

South Dakota, by the way, did not fare particularly well in the pandemic, despite Noem’s assertions. The largely rural state ranks ninth in deaths-per-capita and third in cases-per-capita, behind only North Dakota and densely populated Rhode Island.

But like a true MAGA queen, Noem doesn’t allow facts to impede on her outlandish talking points.

Noem’s remarks on Fox are the most ridiculous she’s uttered in a couple of weeks, since she recorded that bizarre infomercial for a Texas-based dentist office. The gay-hating governor posted a four-plus minute video extolling the work of Smile Texas, which she says fixed her smile. (Good thing, because she has such a filthy mouth!)

“I chose the team, because they’re the best,” she said. “They wanted to make sure I was happy with my smile, that it was going to work for me for the rest of my life.”

Related:

Kristi Noem praises dentist who helped clean up her filthy mouth in weirdest infomercial ever

The South Dakota governor has a new smile.

Noem’s infomercial was so strange, it led to a cottage industry of speculation. The prevailing theory was that her fresh front teeth are the latest ploy in her efforts to woo Trump over. New York Times fashion writer Vanessa Friedman chronicled Noem’s looks over the years, from a power bob-wearing congresswoman to wannabe Miss America:

After Mr. Trump won the presidency and the MAGA movement took off, Ms. Noem adopted a new look. Her hair got longer and longer, with tousled waves kissed by the curling iron, her part moved to the center. She began to resemble a doppelgänger for Kimberly Guilfoyle, Donald Trump Jr.’s fiancée. Or a dark-haired version of Lara Trump, Eric Trump’s wife and the new co-chair of the Republican National Committee.

Noem’s campaign to be Trump’s #2 stretches back to last spring, when she launched a whistleblower hotline for people to report any suspected “wokeness” happening at colleges. The hotline, which was predictably disastrous, was one of Noem’s many attacks against LGBTQ+ people.

Since assuming office in 2019, Noem has banned gender-affirming care for minors and banned drag shows. She was recently ordered to pay a transgender advocacy group $300,000 for wrongfully terminating a contract with the organization.

On top of that, the largest Native American tribe in South Dakota, the Oglala Sioux, banned Noem from its land due to her extreme anti-immigrant rhetoric.

With all of her pandering, one might suspect Noem is at the top of Trump’s veep list. But that doesn’t appear to be the case!

The latest hot candidate is Florida senator Marco Rubio, whom Trump once denounced as “Liddle Marco.” Along with Rubio, Trump has floated the possibility of selecting Rep. Elise Stefanik, Tim Scott, Ben Carson, JD Vance and even Nikki Haley (though that seems unlikely).

As time progresses, Trump’s veep list seems to grow longer, not shorter. That means Noem may have to sink to even lower depths to separate herself from the pack.

We know she won’t hesitate to do so!

Related:

Marco Rubio is wetting his pants over the possibility of being Trump’s #2

“Anybody who would be offered the chance to serve their country as vice president should consider that to be an honor,” he said. “I mean, that’s why I’m in public service.”

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