Utter filth

Liam Payne reads fans’ wildly explicit sexual fantasies about him

“Payne by name, pain by nature.”

In the below clip, Liam Payne does an absolutely abysmal job keeping a straight face as he reads a series of deeply perverted messages sent in by fans — and that’s understandable, considering he’s forced to say things like, “I would climb you like a tree.”

Related: One Direction’s Liam Payne And Zayn Malik Have Tasted Each Other’s Lips. Here’s Why.

It’s the first episode of “Perv Pad,” a new segment on BBC Radio 1 Breakfast Show. He’s yet another taste about the sensual pleasures that await you below:

“Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
When the beat dropped,
my panties did, too.”