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31-year-old Kelvin Hunter is a loud and proud bisexual man and self-described “blerd” (Black nerd). Last month, he wrote a powerful Instagram post about being Black and bisexual. In it, he listed all the things he is not–greedy, promiscuous, without religion, on the “down-low,” etc.–in hopes of dispelling some of the common misconceptions about himself and others like him.

“I’m really just a guy, who just happens to be bi,” he wrote. “For years I struggled with finding myself apart from labels, whether good or bad, from straight and queer people.”

“Many bisexuals present one way to society due to their current partner, appearing straight or queer. However attraction is not limited to the gender of their partner. Honestly, people don’t know what you do behind closed doors.”

He concluded by writing: “Thank you to all the amazing women and dope dudes whose journeys helped me on my journey of love and discovery and to those that will soon come through. To future bae, my ride or die for life, whoever you are, I can’t wait to meet you!!! I’ve been preparing for you and our life together this entire time.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2wVB6cD4bt/

The post was noticed by writer Iyana Robertson over at BET, who just published an article about Black bisexual men that is definitely worth a read.

For the article, Robertson spoke to Hunter about his experiences, specifically about how masculinity is perceived in his community, as well as how many of the women he meets just aren’t into bi guys.

“Especially dealing with women, if you’re going to be a very bouncy, giddy guy, if they’re looking for a mate, in the black culture or just women in general, they’re taught to go after a ‘strong’ male that’s going to be a provider and such,” Hunter explained.

“And if you don’t exhibit those traits in your personality, then they’re not necessarily going to find you attractive. You’ll be friend-zoned.”

Writes Robertson:

In the most extreme cases of Black women perpetuating harmful models of heterosexism, conflicting commentary can be offered to conversations surrounding Black male sexuality. In a viral Twitter video, three Black women are seen discussing Black men who find pleasure in anal stimulation. According to one woman: “If you don’t moan from me riding you, but you moan from my finger in your ass, a guy can have you, I do not want you! If I can penetrate your ass, I do not want you if you are a straight man. If I know you are bisexual and I choose to deal with you, that’s completely different.” In the same breath, Black male sexual exploration is discouraged, while disclosure of sexual orientation is encouraged. Moreover, science (the prostate = the male “G-spot”) is neglected in favor of heterosexist ideals.

While this is definitely discouraging and often times damaging for many men, Hunter tells Robertson the tides to seem to be shifting among younger people. But there’s still much work yet to be done.

When asked what words of wisdom he might have for other Black bisexual men, perhaps ones who aren’t as open about their sexualities as he is, Hunter replies, “There’s going to be a lot of people who are going to be opposed to that. And the most important thing for you, is to be sure of yourself. So if this is how you feel and this is your truth, then I support you.”

Related: Actor comes out as bisexual after tabloid publishes his private DMs

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