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31-year-old Kelvin Hunter is a loud and proud bisexual man and self-described “blerd” (Black nerd). Last month, he wrote a powerful Instagram post about being Black and bisexual. In it, he listed all the things he is not–greedy, promiscuous, without religion, on the “down-low,” etc.–in hopes of dispelling some of the common misconceptions about himself and others like him.
“I’m really just a guy, who just happens to be bi,” he wrote. “For years I struggled with finding myself apart from labels, whether good or bad, from straight and queer people.”
“Many bisexuals present one way to society due to their current partner, appearing straight or queer. However attraction is not limited to the gender of their partner. Honestly, people don’t know what you do behind closed doors.”
He concluded by writing: “Thank you to all the amazing women and dope dudes whose journeys helped me on my journey of love and discovery and to those that will soon come through. To future bae, my ride or die for life, whoever you are, I can’t wait to meet you!!! I’ve been preparing for you and our life together this entire time.”
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??? I'm: *Not greedy *Not confused *Not promiscuous *Not sexually attracted to every woman or. man that walks by *Not lost *Not raised by "bad parents" *Not without religion/spirituality *Not on the Down Low *Not trying to have a threesome with you and your significant other *Not lusting for other gender when I exclusively date I am: *Giving *True to Myself *Spiritual *Hardworking *Loyal *Passionate *Open *Sunshine and happiness on your cloudy day *An Inifinite being having a human experience I'm really just a guy, who just happens to be bi. This post is more so a reflection of my journey thus far which the fluid sexuality and lovers played a part in. For years I struggled with finding myself apart from labels, whether good or bad, from straight and queer people. I wanted to define myself, not someone else. With relationships and sexual expression, it's more about finding yourself in the process, which is what life is about anyway. We are infinite beings having a human experience. Going back to sexuality, we all have an energy and vibe that we emitt, which attracts people toward us. I see sexuality as a spectrum and not in absolutes, which allows for the gray area of attraction or fluidity. Many bisexuals present one way to society due to their current partner, appearing straight or queer. However attraction is not limited to the gender of their partner. Honestly, people don't know what you do behind closed doors. We stress ourselves out to conform to what society wants us to be. And for what!?!? At the end of the day, when we are preparing to transition to the afterlife on our death beds, status, job, money, society's label for us, past sexual partners, gender roles, etc dont matter. What matters is being connected with those who truly enjoy your presence on this plane of existence. What matters is love. Thank you to all the amazing women and dope dudes whose journeys helped me on my journey of love and discovery and to those that will soon come through. To future bae, my ride or die for life, whoever you are, I can't wait to meet you!!! I've been preparing for you and our life together this entire time ???? #bisexual #bisexuality #lgbt
The post was noticed by writer Iyana Robertson over at BET, who just published an article about Black bisexual men that is definitely worth a read.
For the article, Robertson spoke to Hunter about his experiences, specifically about how masculinity is perceived in his community, as well as how many of the women he meets just aren’t into bi guys.
“Especially dealing with women, if you’re going to be a very bouncy, giddy guy, if they’re looking for a mate, in the black culture or just women in general, they’re taught to go after a ‘strong’ male that’s going to be a provider and such,” Hunter explained.
“And if you don’t exhibit those traits in your personality, then they’re not necessarily going to find you attractive. You’ll be friend-zoned.”
In the most extreme cases of Black women perpetuating harmful models of heterosexism, conflicting commentary can be offered to conversations surrounding Black male sexuality. In a viral Twitter video, three Black women are seen discussing Black men who find pleasure in anal stimulation. According to one woman: “If you don’t moan from me riding you, but you moan from my finger in your ass, a guy can have you, I do not want you! If I can penetrate your ass, I do not want you if you are a straight man. If I know you are bisexual and I choose to deal with you, that’s completely different.” In the same breath, Black male sexual exploration is discouraged, while disclosure of sexual orientation is encouraged. Moreover, science (the prostate = the male “G-spot”) is neglected in favor of heterosexist ideals.
While this is definitely discouraging and often times damaging for many men, Hunter tells Robertson the tides to seem to be shifting among younger people. But there’s still much work yet to be done.
When asked what words of wisdom he might have for other Black bisexual men, perhaps ones who aren’t as open about their sexualities as he is, Hunter replies, “There’s going to be a lot of people who are going to be opposed to that. And the most important thing for you, is to be sure of yourself. So if this is how you feel and this is your truth, then I support you.”