Nate and Julia Sharpe are raising their three-year-old twins with no gender at all. Coined “theybies,” the couple do not reveal the biological sex of their children to anyone, including the children themselves. The couple are the center of a new report from NBC News, exploring the world of gender-free parenting that many millennial are beginning to use.
The idea is to shield children from harmful “gender stereotypes” that hardwire them to be feminine or to male. Theybies are encouraged to dress how they feel, play with gender-neutral toys, and are referred to with gender-neutral pronouns like, “they,” “them,” and “their.”
“A theyby is, I think, different things to different people,” says Nate Sharpe. “For us, it means raising our kids with gender-neutral pronouns — so, ‘they,’ ‘them,’ ‘their,’ rather than assigning ‘he,’ ‘she,’ ‘him,’ ‘her’ from birth based on their anatomy.”
“We definitely got more pushback from co-workers, who were like: ‘Wait, you’re not going to tell me what you’re having? You’re not going to tell me what your kids are?’” Julia adds. “I’m like, ‘I’m telling you they’re children.’ But they got really, really frustrated that we wouldn’t tell them what their genitalia was, which is kind of a weird thing when you think about it.”
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Statistics revealing how many parents are raising their children like this are yet to exist, but a Facebook group for parents of theybies boasts around 200 members
While gender neutral parenting may do a lot of good in terms of breaking down gender stereotypes, experts say it can increase a child’s chances of being bullied.
“Once your child meets the outer world, which may be day care, or preschool, or grandparents — it’s pretty much impossible to maintain a gender-free state,” Lise Eliot, professor of neuroscience at the Chicago Medical School and author of “Pink Brain, Blue Brain,” tells NBC News. “And depending on how conventional your community is, you could be setting your child up for bullying or exclusion.”
But that doesn’t phase the Sharpes.
“I’d rather have a kid that experiences adversity and deals with it and comes out stronger,” Nate said, “than a kid who is a bully.”
To read the entire NBC News report on “theybies,” head here.
samuel88
I don’t think that you should force being Non-Binary on children. I would use the gender pronoun they were born with, and if they decide they are the opposite or neither or both when they are older that is wonderful, and I will love and support them in whatever they choose. I think they should be able to play with whatever toys they like, whether it be dolls or cars. At first, obviously, babies can’t choose- but as the kids get older and are able to do things themselves, they’d be able to wear whatever they want. Like, letting them lead the way in a store to find clothes they want (or toys if they were good lately). I’d start bringing up a boy as a boy or girl as a girl, to at least give them a basis they can work off of, so if in the future they find they are Non-Binary or Transgender, they’ll be able to tell the difference and not be confused.
Godabed
Gender is a social construct, you’re not born into a gender, you’re born a sex, and sex isn’t and never has been Binary. So when you say someone should be either or, when there is other options it’s what causes confusion and bullying.
furthermore your argument doesn’t make sense at all, Parenting in this day and age, has always been the product of conforming with social norms, and conditioning your child to think a certain way. So to say to these people that they shouldn’t allow their children to go with how they feel as oppose to what society say these children should feel or be, is the very argument you’re trying to make, but failing at.
Paco
Exactly. Parents shouldn’t be using their children for social experiments. There is nothing wrong with calling them boys and girls until the child decides they are not. The parents should only be worried about providing a supportive and nurturing environment that allows the children to freely express themselves and the parents can then make adjustments accordingly to support the child.
AlexEf
I guess these parents make the twins’ future more difficult.
Donston
Children should guild the parents as far as their sense of gender, not the other way around. Also, someone really needs to come up with a better non-binary term than they/them. It sounds psychotic when discussing one person.
Loki
“Gender” is a made-up thing, something “socially-constructed” that varies according to the prevailing culture at a specific time. BIOLOGICAL SEX IS NOT. Trans-activists conflating the two has got to stop. Geez, these millennials are bat-shit….
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Talk about a kid being saddled with a handicap AFTER birth….. It’s one thing to allow a kid to grow into their own skin, say if a child is obviously Gay or born into the wrong gender body. It’s another thing to encourage gender confusion…
dannysax
This is the most outlandish and misguided policy I have ever seen. This is PC taken overboard. These kids will ask questions about their ‘thing’ or lack of a ‘thing’, and you’re just gonna tell them “you’re just different from that one”? Give me a break. There’s no way you should disguise whether they are born male or female, that is a right children should have. Later if they decide they are something else inside, let them make that decision!
jjose712
I find this terribly absurd bordering on ridiculous. One thing is the boy/girl feel this way and articulate the way he/she (or whatever) wants to be treated and other make such experiment with your children
tham
This seems like over compensation for adult shaming (“you call your baby a boy?! Well you’re not as enlightened as me.”)
Gender confusion should not be thrusted on every child born. 99.9% of the entire population (that’s not hyperbole, it’s scientific fact) is more than fine with the gender they were born with.
MacAdvisor
Great, these parents not only need to save for college, but the for the lifetime of therapy their kid will need. Nothing like following orthodoxy to the extreme, foolish ending point.
Prax07
These parents are idiots, really just f-ing idiots. This is the dumbest thing I’ve hesrd since the last time Trump tweeted.
Heywood Jablowme
The article doesn’t even mention the problem of giving “them” a name that doesn’t give away any clues about gender. Having a weird name is another almost-guaranteed way for a kid to get bullied.
But I like to think that Nate and Julia Sharpe named their kid Pencil Sharpe.
miserylovedme24
Absolutely ridiculous. Encouraging kids to play with whatever toys they want is one thing and is a positive, but this is going so far overboard. 99.5% of people are not transgender, why are we supposed to pretend this isn’t the case.
Josh447
I wonder if they also gave them non gender specific names… Leslie, Pat and so on. Regardless of the lack of structure they give their kids, at least playing with other kids will give their kids the clue and structure needed hopefully. Most kids are clueless about such things until they are out playing with other kids anyway.
It seems a silly experiment but then the entire human race is an experiment all its own. So we’ll see in the future how this one turns out. I’d think the kids might resent their parents for the confusion this may bring if held onto after age 5 or so.
Agent9902
This is heresy and witchcraft!
Thank God, I’ll never have to worry about theybies!
I will interject that vegan children scare me.
Praise be to Queerty for compelling me to click on this.
inbama
Once a liberation movement, we are now a cult legislating language and embracing all manner of foolishness.
MonkeyMan
Sex and gender ARE partially related, and when they’re not it’s a partially or completely transgender child, aka a boy with the brain of a girl or vice versa.
A truly, created by nature, non-binary individual would suffer from severe hormonal issues comparable to a child who has had major parts of their reproductive anatomy removed(think baby boy being castrated). Thankfully those cases are one in a million and only very few children are born without the full anatomy of a man or a woman. Being born a genuine non-binary would be hell on Earth.
Create a welcoming environment for a gay or trans kid to come out to you, but don’t assume or push that on them. Facts are facts, and there’s a 97% or higher chance that they’re just another straight kid who is happy with their sex and gender and is neither trans, gay, or bi.
viking329
great comment, thank you
JoeyRamone
Totally. Though the girl or boy “brain” thing is a bit problematic. It’s like the gay brain. Scientists have found patterns in females, males, str8 and gay brains, but there are always deviations and it is activists more than scientists who make the identity claims. It’s a dangerous slippery slope to essentialize biology and identity categories.
Cylest Brooks
I think this is really important. I am pregnant and my partner and I have been considering how to proactively create a family structure where my child doesn’t feel forced into a gender if that gender isn’t true to them. I reached out to some enby and trans friends to ask for suggestions, and was advised basically the same thing you are saying. A vast majority of people are cisgender, and our baby likely will be also. There’s nothing wrong with assuming that their gender is accurate, as long as we don’t pigeonhole them into specific gender roles bc of it. Creating a child/parent relationship where my child always knows they can come to me if something feels wrong or bad is the best way to raise any child, nonbinary, trans, or cis.
theafricanwiththemouth
Very accurate and lovely comment.
These kids should be raised with their “supposed/Presumed” gender. Let them grow and learn.
When they are old enough, as long as they were raised in an open minded, positive and progressive environment, they’d definitely feel free to come out or be open about whoever they feel they truly are.
All of this being done by the “theybe parents association, TPA” (made that up) is all a load of bullc**p imo.
@cylest brooks love your comment too.
JessPH
““Once your child meets the outer world, which may be day care, or preschool, or grandparents — it’s pretty much impossible to maintain a gender-free state,”
Exactly. Once they step outside their house, it’s not anymore gender-neutral. They would be meeting and encountering neighbors, schoolmates, relatives, teachers who are not gender-neutral. This whole gender-neutral thing is ridiculous.
misterjack
Those poor children.
JoeyRamone
This is click bait. Like how many of these parents are out there? Will be very funny, however, when some of these kids grow up to be conservative republicans. Lol
hello369
lol. They probably will.
jrh311
Oh people… This is ridiculous. Unless you plan on shielding them from society, your goal is pointless. They’re going to be referred to as he and/or she when most people discover their genitalia or they start to look more like a particular sex. Their inception into general society is also going to be confusing and difficult. I guess good luck to these kids because they’re going to need a lot of it.
OzJosh
Interesting how 95% of the comments here are knee-jerk reactions that also misinterpret what these parents are actually doing. The fact that everyone immediately leaps to disapproval without even attempting to understand pretty much demonstrates how utterly ingrained ideas about gender. These parents are protecting their kids from all that, not subjecting them to some weird experiment. Open your minds before you judge.
tham
Again, adult shaming.
Only the enlightened can understand, the rest are just following eating crud’s and whey.
Because of that 2005 Sociology textbook that some take as the new “bible” gender has become a multi-definitional word….to the point where it’s lost all meaning.
Now I think it’s great progress that we are more mindful regarding trans gender and other sexual non-normalicies (how is that term better? Whatever)
Well, all I can say is…I can’t wait until the next new sociology text book comes out making all of this seem…dumb and massively outdated.
surreal33
I am always amazed how people make up there own rules and then swear it is gospel.
little Alex
Completely beside the point, but It’s “faze the Sharpes”, not “phase”!
thewalrussaid
I guess what surprises me is not the gender stuff, but not revealing the biological sex to anyone, “including the children”. While kids don’t need to know all the nitty gritty mechanics of each sex until they’re older, most children should be taught what a penis and a vagina are, and the basic biology that females get pregnant while males do not. How long can they seriously expect to put off explaining basic biology to their children?
hello369
This is going too far and just makes LGBT look insane. BTW, let’s drop the ‘T’.