NOM’s March On Washington Is A Fabulous Disaster

nom rally unhappy peopleWe knew NOM’s national march on Washington would be lame, but we couldn’t have predicted just how delightful lame it was: spotty attendance, crazy-time signage, and a generally low level of enthusiasm plagued the whole darn thing.

First, let’s chortle cruelly at their low attendance. Two thousand people would be a lot for a house party, but as marches on Washington go, it’s more of a gentle breeze than a powerful monsoon. For comparison, that’s about the same number of people who dropped by a cute local beer festival at a Hawaii hotel.

Just check out the photos. Plenty of room to spread out!

nom rally spotty attendance

According to some online commenters, the small crowds might be the fault of embarrassing New York Senator Ruben Diaz. He seems to have made vague promises to church groups that they could get a free trip to DC if they showed up at the rally, but didn’t do much to ensure that the people who took the free ride actually went to the rally instead of wandering off to a museum or sex shop.

And then there’s this:

“Gay sex leads to adult diapers!” reads this man’s sign. “Open door syndrome!” This guy told a reporter, “If anybody opens the back door unnaturally from outside, you end up having open-door syndrome. You can’t close the door. Anal sex harms [gays]. It reduces their life by, on average, 25 years—anal or oral sex.”

This is a delightful fake claim that antigay groups like to repeat — the idea that gay men are uncontrollable fountains of excrement. It’s demonstrably false, absurd on its face, and a clear sign that whoever is saying it is not quite all there, mentally. It’s like a tin-foil hat made of Depends.

This flaccid march was supposed to be one of NOM’s big projects for 2014, a show of power and force. Well, it sure hasn’t worked out that way for them — all they’ve managed to do is prove their own dwindling clout. Ha ha.

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  • redcarpet

    This is so delicious, I don’t think we could ask for a better outcome. I hope Jon Stewart addresses this.

  • NoelG

    Those people would be horrified to know how great it feels to walk around with pouty lips after a good go-around with my plug.

  • ingyaom

    2000 doesn’t seem bad for a defunct organization like NOM. Congrats to them.

  • jed

    “tin-foil hat made of Depends” ROTFL

  • LandStander

    To be fair to the guy with the sign, he probably heard that from a person/study that did not distinguish between average bottoms, and two-fists-isn’t-enough bottoms.

  • JJ24

    Huffpost listed the number of attendance at 1,500 so 500 less then two thousand.

    I love how these people act like legalizing same sex marriage automatically means no one will be straight anymore. News flash legalizing it doesn’t make it a mandate.

  • Ben

    I tried to find medical condition pertaining to “Open Door Syndrome.” This seems like a made up condition, unless someone can prove it right.

  • tjr101

    I wouldn’t be surprised if they photo shop Obama’s inauguration crowd into an ad and call their event a huge success. These people are desperate.

  • hyhybt

    “the idea that gay men are uncontrollable fountains of excrement.”—There does seem to be an oversupply of excrement fountains. But on their side, at the other end of the alimentary canal.

  • samwise343

    I’ve seen flea markets that were more crowded.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    What a pack o’ mutants. If they are, “normal,” the world is ending.

  • hotboyvb81

    Nom is saying they had 10,000 at rally….most reputable sources say it was 2000 tops….love the adult diaper lines- gay sex….no- aging leads to adult diapers!

  • siltor67

    i had a buddy who was into fisting and yea he ended up wearing diapers at the age of 33..

  • Dakotahgeo

    First we heard of the 10-30 million debacle. Now it’s 10,000 and in actuality it turns out to be 1500. I don’t know about you guys but someone on the opposite side cannot prognosticate worth mierda! Geeezzz, where does the unisex right winger loonies dig up these false prophets?!? LEAVE THAT FRICKIN’ CEMETERY ALONE! It’s starting to look like a high school party war zone!

    • hyhybt

      @Dakotahgeo: Accurate counting is too much like science.

      @Geoff B: Ah, but anything the children learned there (other than “these people are nuts”) was their side’s imaginings of what goes on, designed to scare people off rather than to inform. That makes it OK. It is, after all, how a lot of people want sex education handled in schools even on the straight side.

  • Geoff B

    Did anyone see the HuffPo article? Someone talked to a 12 year old girl who got dragged ther by her Grandfather and her response was to roll her eyes and say something like “this is so stupid, who cares?”. And while I’m at it, the children at this rally were educated a lot more on gay sex at this shitshow than they would ever be at any pride parade. These people are a bunch of nasty perverted freaks talking about this stuff in front of kids. I wouldn’t let a kid within 5 miles of any of these degenerates. Some of these pigs need to be a sex offender registry. I don’t care for Pride Parades myself, but I know no kid has ever seen a float at the Chicago parade that even broached the subject of fisting.

  • D P

    @samwise343: — Um, ‘seen’? I think we’re looking at a flea market. More like the kind you’d find on the back of a neglected dog, though.

    @LandStander: — I think the guy with the sign is projecting about his own experience regarding his own sphincter.

  • Cam

    Richard Simmons just looked at the picture of the guy with the adult diaper sign and said “Pfffft, THAT queen? Had him!”

  • Kathukid

    I think soon whoever is donating money to NOM will realize they are throwing it away, and the donations will dry up and NOM will be yesterday’s dandelion, scattered to the wind.

  • AzLights

    Great to see the downfall of NOM in action. So glad they couldn’t get more than 1500 bigots/ignoramuses to show up. Maybe in 2006 or 2008, but not now. This is a refreshing change for the better

  • hex0

    Good riddance NOM! vile disgusting human beings.

  • Cam

    There were probably more people in line to buy Popsicles on the Mall that day than were in this “March”.

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