You’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but maybe we can make an exception.

Now that one of the most unpleasant men in the world has been dispatched, it’s high time that the government released the fabled Osama bin Laden gay sex tape. According to various leaks over the years, the CIA produced some phony footage of the terrorist leader sitting around a campfire and recounting tales of sexing young boys. Classy!

Apparently they did something similar with Saddam Hussein. Apparently this is a thing? Maybe there’s one about Kim Jong-il out there, and one featuring Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. We could do without seeing the Kim tape, but there’s something about Ahmadinejad’s smouldering glare that sets our heart aflutter. But then, he’s also one of history’s greatest monsters, which is a boner-killer.

At any rate, we would love to see a renewed call for the release of the Osama tapes, if for no other reason than we long to hear what CIA-penned porn dialogue sounds like.

OSAMA: Oh man, my girlfriend’s out of town and I’m feeling so pent up.

[Doorbell rings]

HENCHMAN 1: That must be our pizza.

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