We’re starting to suspect that hate group One Million Moms is, in fact, One Shady Queen — one part prankster-troll and one part performance artist; a mercurial, shape-shifting crusader who disappears from view every few months, only to ceremoniously unleash his latest multimedia stunt upon the world, mercilessly skewering the pomposity and hypocrisy of Right Wing wingnuts everywhere.
Basically, we think One Million Moms is the man of our dreams.
We’ve cultivated this theory because, as The New Civil Rights Movement points out, their latest screed stretches our willing suspension of disbelief well past the snapping point, as it expects us to swallow the concept that a pool of Irate Mommy Terrors are petitioning against The Muppets, and want the ABC show taken off the air for indecency.
A recent press release — which is a hoax, right? — claims that Muppets are the new face of sin, pouring on the mommy melodrama thusly:
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“1MM suspects there are going to be a lot of shocked moms and dads when they discover that the family-friendly Muppets of the 1970s are no more. It appears that no subject is off limits…
“The new show is aimed at a mature, modern audience and addresses subjects not suitable for family viewing…
Alluding to advertisements that feature Kermie and copy that reads, “Finally, a network TV show with full frontal nudity,” the press release asserts that “technically, the advertisement is correct — seeing how Kermit doesn’t wear pants.”
So this is a hoax, right? A delicious game of mercy? Who’s zapping who here?
The press release, petulantly refusing to drop its best poker face, continues:
“The mature version of The Muppets will cover a range of topics from sex to drugs… Miss Piggy came out as a pro-choice feminist during an MSNBC interview. The puppet characters loved by kids in the 1970s and 1980s and beyond are now weighing in on abortion and promiscuity…”
So, that happened.
In more Muppet-related mayhem, Frankin Graham — son of evangelist Billy Graham — has also come out against Miss Piggy & Co., claiming the motley crew of puppets “promote sin.”
The New Civil Rights Movement reports that the evangelist recently proclaimed:
“It sounds to me like the whole show should be off limits! Hollywood seems to be in a frenzy to see what new moral low they can reach in their programming…. The Bible says, ‘Woe to those who call evil good and good evil.’ That goes for Kermit the Frog as well!”
OK, that part of the story checks out, because Franklin Graham is a total loon.
Burt A Dunham
Neil Ballantyne
These people need to get lives, all summer ABC was saying this was a more “Adult” Muppet Show.
Dakotahgeo
Every time I read another article regarding the Irreligious Reich, OMM, or AFR, et al, ad nauseum, they have again lived down lower than my lowest expectations of them! Will they never hit the bottom of the swill barrel?
Carlos Zuniga
Those uptight bitches need to get laid
Patrick Crawford
The show just aired. I wanna meet these moms – and curse them the hell out. Bunch of bored ass bible thumping housewives. find a hobby.
John Malin
One Million Mom Meanies! Muppets STAY Moms GO!
Jason Updegraff
i bet there aren’t even a million of them…
John Kuehnle
They also wanted Chaz Bono off DWTS. Do they even exist?
Michael Haynes
Lets show the Bible thumpers they are irrelevant, its time for other people to shine and have a voice, the Bible thumpers have had a voice for over 35 years in America, its time that streak ends.
Gingerann Beach
Got nothin but muppet love!
Ben Price
They were great !!!
Colin McCoy
They’ve already gone ballistic. Countless times. And no one cares.
Kraig Fiero
All one million of those hyper sensitive mothers watched this growing up!!
John Francis Grice
What are they going to do? Bitch slap Miss Piggy?
Jeffrey York
BOOM!
Alan David
All i can say is thank god one of those moms is not my mom and i feel sorry for their children
Brian JC Kneeland
Its got to be a hoax – except the part about Franklin Graham being a loon!
Giancarlo85
The right wing continues to attempt censorship and impose their own version of sharia law on America.
Valorie Risteau Paolera
Mom`s don`t have to watch it. It`s for children, go do the laundry.
June Fortner McPherson
Someone get these people a psychiatrist
ShowMeGuy
I hate the MAAFIA.
Mothers
Against
Anything
Fun
In
America
Auxifur White Wolf Wolfgram
Let them. Good riddance.
Douglas Schlitz
One million right wing bible thumping NUTS !
Sheldon Siegel
This just might be the MM wackos Death Nell. NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE MUPPETS!!!
Bradford Mayfield
They are puppets Jesus Christ! What 70s version were they watching cause I remember Sandy Duncan doing shots in a bar and having her skirt ripped off by big biker bar monsters!! And aren’t the MOMs the ones watching in the 70s and if so that would make them in the late 30s early 40s so their kids are over 10 probably and getting hand jobs from their common core tutors …Why don’t you go try and figure out why your husbands names were leaked in the Million Dads Scandal …oh I mean Ashley Madison list!!!! They are PUPPETS Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh
Caliban
One Million Moms is in reality just a six-pack of terminally offended Frigid Fraus.
Michael Clifford
Let them go ballistic, then. It’ll be fun!
Aaron Thompson
If you don’t want your kids to watch. Don’t allow it. But I don’t want them to take it away from me. That’s the problem .believe what you want but quit imposing your views on everyone. Christ sake turn the channel.
Eric Lacombe
Why do they think it plays at at 8 pm on a school day and not 8 am on a weekend. This version ain’t for the kiddies.
Personally I didn’t find it that entertaining… Was just nice to see them on tv again I guess. Giving it 2 more episodes before making up my mind.
Philip Jones
way to go pick on the muppets do any one of have something better to do! get a life spend more time with your kids iam sure you filled there heads with hate and turn there hearts into ice, no wonder our kids of the world they are being filled with lies and false hope.
jwtraveler
Is there a competition among right-wing Christians to see who can come up with the craziest paranoid fantasy conspiracy theory? Does the winner get a special spot in heaven or diamond-studded angel wings or something?
Jamie Rosenfield
There is not even one million of them! There’s less than 100K that like the page.
Timothy Kender.
Save our muppets!
gaym50ish
I don’t think any One Million Moms petition has gotten more than about 40,000 signatures — and that includes the one against JC Penney and spokeswoman Ellen Degeneres, whose show is watched by about 3 million people every single day!
As for that biblical quote from Franklin Graham, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil,” that advice is virtually worthless (as is much of the Bible) because it does not define evil. We think he’s the one who calls evil good because he treats gay people like shit and thinks that’s a righteous position.
M J Martinez Crogan
One million cunts want what?
Frankie Trice
Sounds like they need to be more submissive to their husbands, who I’m sure loved the muppets like I do!
Cam
Oh no! All 200 of them?!?!
Streamciter
‘1 million moms’ makes me think of that Kids In The Hall Sketch, ’30 Helen’s agree,’ where a bunch of middle aged housewives all agree on a bunch of vague, inane, meaningless crap.
Tobi
@Cam: If you didn’t lean on your keyboard, you wouldn’t keep getting those 00’s everywhere. 😉
Dan Steele
We need #Trump2016 to fix this PC bullshit
Karen Piercy
A joke,right?
Stache99
@Jason Updegraff: i bet there aren’t even a million of them…
You get the “no shit sherlock” award for that!
Cam
@Tobi:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GayEGO
It should be Minus One Million Moms as they do not represent real moms in America. We can subtract 1,000,000 from the total moms in America.
paul dorian lord fredine
it’s just not a good day if they don’t have something innocuous to whine about.
Bisexual-Transwoman
@Neil Ballantyne: Indeed. I do not watch the show but it’s not the same as the muppets for kids.
Curtispsf
One Million Moms: This is your husbands telling you to shut your pie holes and just stick with doing the dishes and washing our dirty underwear, for Christ’s sake. Who told YOU that you were entitled to an opinion anyway? Besides, many of us masturbate to Kermit the frog so fugetaboutit.
Jim
There are only about 175,000 kooks that comprise the MILLION Moms, and every single one of them is irrelevant. Totally useless lobbying group.
billeetee
Franklin, do you remember Dan Quayle? Oh c’mon, Franklin, that guy who swore that “Murphy Brown” was a real character? Now Franklin, don’t say that…you do, too. YES you do, Franklin!…oh well…anyway, you might want to check out his sroty and see how well he’s doing today!
As for the One Million Moms, I’ve always had the ‘niggling suspicion’ that ‘they’ were probably a group of senior women who get together for a bottle or two of cheap wine a few times a week and things get out of hand!
billeetee
yes, people I know…it’s “story”…hey I’m human…unlike The Rump, I make mistakes.
Jon Mackey
Well too start I really doubt there’s one million mom’s bitching about this .
switcher
They probably all grew up watching Sesame Street and the Muppet Show, and NOW they have a problem with it?
Tony Lee Churchill
Go?
eclecticstarz
You do realize in this show Miss piggy has sex with British prime minister David Cameron!!!!!!!!! [some of you will know what I’m talking about] teehee
charlieeod74
Franklin Graham and 1MM’s are a bunch of self-righteous assholes. Evangelicals are fools and suckers
Misty Bolling
Seriously, I grew up with these guys. I learned so much that I did not get from school.
Captain Obvious
One Million Morons must not remember the original Muppet Show then. While an “innocent” show the jokes always went over kids heads and was really for adults the entire time. My parents who used to watch the show back when it originally came on think they were watching it for myself and my sister and are very confused as to why it’s back for adults. I had to gently remind them that we kids really didn’t understand what it was about but enjoyed seeing the talking puppets during prime time.
We later had Muppet Babies which made more sense for kids.
The Muppet Show was always for adults all along. They had socially relevant humor then and they have socially relevant humor now. It was never meant for children which is why it came on at prime time and not Saturday mornings.
trell
Did anyone else misread the headline as a “A million moms want the Muppets yanked off on the air or they’ll go ballistic”…
…or is it only me who just has a very dirty mind?