One More Thing–Will The Mac Come Out Already?

Today’s the day that the annual grand conclave of Apple cultists meet for one last time in San Francisco for 25th Macworld Conference & Expo. For those of you who don’t own one of Apple’s shiny, overpriced gadgets, Macworld’s Christmas for geeks. All the major geek blogs cover itin real time— breathlessly awaiting Apples’s announcement that there’s “one more thing” they want to show. This thing, no matter what it is, sets the nerd geek hordes into writhing fits of orgiastic glee that they communicate by iPhone to all their friends/blogs/twitters as a constant stream of “!!!1ONEONE!!!111”

Which is fine by us, because let’s face it– The Mac is the gayest computer ever created. Not ‘gay’ the way your sixteen-year-old sister means it, but rather gay as in, your Mac would never be caught dead in beige, gay. Don’t believe us? We’ll prove it.

We asked Angel Lopez, executive producer of the clever grassroots No on 8 campaign ad that spoofed the Mac vs. PC ads by turning them into No on 8 vs. Yes on 8 ads, to help us out in identifying the essential gayness of the Mac. Lopez says the reason they chose the Mac vs. PC commercial wasn’t because the Mac is gay per se, but that he was “initially looking for a template to pit the two sides against each other and the Apple ad seemed like a good fit.” He adds, “Then we were like ‘Oh well, duh- the Mac will be the gay–uh, the No [on 8 Campaign], I mean.”

‘Nuff said.

Here’s the ad:

Ways in Which the Mac Is Gay

Macs are trend-setters who know what’s cool before you do.
Angel Lopez: “Macs represent this more progressive vision– a stepping into the future mentality. Look at how Mac markets itself. It’s flashy they’re constantly setting the latest trends. Who would have heard of the Ting Tings unless you lived below Delancey St. and now thanks to being featured in an Apple ad they’re huge music stars.”

Macs love rainbows.
“I’ve had a PC in the past. I don’t harbor any ill will against the PC They’re just not as hip as the Mac. They’re not pink. They don’t come in rainbow colors.”

“Think Different” means the same thing as “Come Out”.
“Gays are obviously know primarily for their expression and their striving for authenticity and being true to themselves and the Mac’s uniqueness reflects that. Take the color thing for instance– it lets you express your personality more than you would if you owned a PC. Personally I’m a white Mac. They don’t have a brown Mac.”

Macs know how to work a look.
“I think that is interesting Mac’s are incredibly streamlined. They just look fabulous. That’s the only word for them: Fabulous. They’re like the gay going to a cocktail party. You could dress them up in a bowtie and they’d look great in it.”

Macs are great in bed.
“We’re very close. My gay mac is the first person I look to when I wake up in the morning. I thought I was alone in this, but one of my friends told me that the first thing he does every morning is roll over in bed, grab his Mac and open it to see what’s happening in the world.” [Editor’s Note: Your editor has made a deal with himself not to sleep in the same room as his Mac more than three times a week. It’s a work in progress.]

Two more reasons why Macs are the quintessential gay computer: Apple proudly and publicly donated $100,000 to the No on 8 Campaign before the election and Queerty is made on a Mac. We really are working on that sleeping with each other thing.

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  • Nick

    I wish Justin Long were gay :(

  • REBELComx

    OMG, Nick, that makes two of us.

  • alex the sea turtle

    My first Apple, a 512k unenhanced (pre mac) was beige. But it was cute and very gay.

  • Debby

    That’s funny that you mention that “Macs are great in bed!” I lay in bed with my Mac at night and the first thing I do in the morning is open it while still in bed.

    I have the MacBook Air so its nice and light!

  • Julian

    Nice, light AND tight.

  • Michael W.

    Apple risked a backlash from their more conservative customers when they (very publicly) donated $100,000 to fight Proposition 8 while Microsoft, HP, Dell, Sony et al. was nowhere to be found.

    When it comes to personal computer use (as in outside of what your job or school forces on you), not one of us should be using anything other than a Mac.

  • Charles J. Mueller

    I turned gay, er, I mean MacBookPro three years ago. ;-)

    Outside of my partner, it’s the best relationship I ever started. I don’t even think about my ex-PC anymore.

    XP and Vista who? It was a rocky romance anyway.

    Last thing I do before I go to sleep and the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning (after I take a pee, of course), is open my Mac and see what’s happening.

    It’s so oooohhh, “user” friendly.

  • Slider

    Some of us have never used a PC and never will…I love my IMAC and always will use Macs….it is as nature intended:) Enough said!!!

  • kevin

    When the decision came to upgrade last month from my old Dell desktop to a new computer, I considered staying with Dell. But then I remembered how Michael Dell was a staunch Mormon and frequent contributor to Republicans. I also remembered the crappy customer service from Dell and the fact that they are based in TX (and India), whereas Apple is located just down the peninsula from where I live and they have a retail store downtown that I can go and sit in on their classes for free. The smartest people I associate with are Mac fanatics and they have raved about them for so long.

    Now that you’ve pointed out Apple’s sizable contribution to No on 8, I am more certain than ever that I made the best decision to purchase my iMac. And as a longtime PC user, the transition has been very smooth.

    Count me in as a Mac convert!

  • Bruno

    And just like the No on 8 campaign, Mac’s are completely proprietary and the mainstream doesn’t notice them.

    The LGBT community needs to discover our inner iPod.

  • sdandy

    Ugh. Enough with the stupid trendy, buy-the-marketing crap already. Macs are overrated.

  • Real Homo

    Macs are like shallow bar queens, all about substance, looks and bragging about how you spend $3,000 to get what the rest of the world gets for $300.

    Escape conformity! Ditch overpriced, underpowered, inflexible Apple crap!

  • Real Homo

    Ooops, I mean NOT about substance.

    How ironic, I am typing this on a Mac too.

  • Michael W.

    I take it ugly and more complicated to use (Windows) = substantive?

    The Mac is the most versatile machine on the market as it can now run every operating system under the sun, including Windows. I don’t see how you aren’t getting your money’s worth.

    And $3,000? You must be talking about a MacBook Pro or Mac Pro workstation. Please tell us what $300 computer you can get that compares to those machines. Otherwise stop talking out of your ass. The grand majority of us get by fine with an iMac and/or MacBook.

  • Buck

    I spent Christmas trying to figure out how to fix problems with my partner’s father’s MAC. I loathe that piece of overpriced junk. Easier to use? Not by a long shot. Temperamental, and totally non-intuitive.

    I suppose if Mac is uber gay then Mac Queens are like Drag Queens and those of us with PC’s are Butch.

  • Dave

    Chris Bruss (the No on Prop. 8 guy) is cute

  • Real Homo

    Please tell us what $300 computer you can get that compares to those machines. Otherwise stop talking out of your ass. The grand majority of us get by fine with an iMac and/or MacBook.

    A 15 inch Apple notebook with a decent graphics chipset costs $2K. An identically-equipped PC with the same graphics chip and screen size costs $700. $1,300 extra for the same hardware but with a pretty Apple logo.

    A 17 inch Apple notebook with a decent graphics chipset costs $3K. A comparably-specced and equipped Dell or Gateway 17″ costs about $1K. $2 for the same hardware but with a pretty Apple logo.

    A desktop iMac costs between $1,200 and $2,000. A comparable Dell, Gateway or HP with a LARGER flat panel display costs about $600. $600 to $1,400 for a smaller screen and a pretty Apple logo.

    Even the entry-level Apple notebook costs $1,000 — while identically equipped entry level notebooks (with bigger screens and more RAM) cost about half that. $500 extra for nothing but a logo.

    Apple’s inflexible approach also ties you in and limits your flexibility. Apple computers STILL don’t ship with dual-layer DVD burners in many cases — a tech that was standard on PCs FIVE YEARS AGO.

    Apple doesn’t make any affordable subnotebooks, like the Asus EEE PC that goes for around $300. Yeah, yeah, yeah, “you don’t need them, let Steve Jobs decide for you” is the generic answer. Bleaugh.

    And let’s not forget how impossible-to-find Apple software is. Want Microsoft Access? You’re outta luck.

    Want Internet Explorer? Microsoft stopped producing it years ago because there were too few users in the Apple world.

    Want Microsoft Word, Excel and PowerPoint? Sure, you can get a two-years-behind version — good luck swapping with the rest of the world running the latest file format.

    Want Adobe Premiere, the standard for video editing? Can’t buy it at any price on Mac.

    “Oh sure,” say the Apple people, “but you can run Windows too.”

    Yes, but if you want to run Windows, an Apple computer is a piss-poor purchase because there are numerous machines that cost the same with better specs, and others that cost much less with the same specs.

    Why pay for the little Apple on the back, unless you’re stupid?


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