Today’s the day that the annual grand conclave of Apple cultists meet for one last time in San Francisco for 25th Macworld Conference & Expo. For those of you who don’t own one of Apple’s shiny, overpriced gadgets, Macworld’s Christmas for geeks. All the major geek blogs cover it—in real time— breathlessly awaiting Apples’s announcement that there’s “one more thing” they want to show. This thing, no matter what it is, sets the nerd geek hordes into writhing fits of orgiastic glee that they communicate by iPhone to all their friends/blogs/twitters as a constant stream of “!!!1ONEONE!!!111”
Which is fine by us, because let’s face it– The Mac is the gayest computer ever created. Not ‘gay’ the way your sixteen-year-old sister means it, but rather gay as in, your Mac would never be caught dead in beige, gay. Don’t believe us? We’ll prove it.
We asked Angel Lopez, executive producer of the clever grassroots No on 8 campaign ad that spoofed the Mac vs. PC ads by turning them into No on 8 vs. Yes on 8 ads, to help us out in identifying the essential gayness of the Mac. Lopez says the reason they chose the Mac vs. PC commercial wasn’t because the Mac is gay per se, but that he was “initially looking for a template to pit the two sides against each other and the Apple ad seemed like a good fit.” He adds, “Then we were like ‘Oh well, duh- the Mac will be the gay–uh, the No [on 8 Campaign], I mean.”
Here’s the ad:
Ways in Which the Mac Is Gay
Macs are trend-setters who know what’s cool before you do.
Angel Lopez: “Macs represent this more progressive vision– a stepping into the future mentality. Look at how Mac markets itself. It’s flashy they’re constantly setting the latest trends. Who would have heard of the Ting Tings unless you lived below Delancey St. and now thanks to being featured in an Apple ad they’re huge music stars.”
Macs love rainbows.
“I’ve had a PC in the past. I don’t harbor any ill will against the PC They’re just not as hip as the Mac. They’re not pink. They don’t come in rainbow colors.”
“Think Different” means the same thing as “Come Out”.
“Gays are obviously know primarily for their expression and their striving for authenticity and being true to themselves and the Mac’s uniqueness reflects that. Take the color thing for instance– it lets you express your personality more than you would if you owned a PC. Personally I’m a white Mac. They don’t have a brown Mac.”
Macs know how to work a look.
“I think that is interesting Mac’s are incredibly streamlined. They just look fabulous. That’s the only word for them: Fabulous. They’re like the gay going to a cocktail party. You could dress them up in a bowtie and they’d look great in it.”
Macs are great in bed.
“We’re very close. My gay mac is the first person I look to when I wake up in the morning. I thought I was alone in this, but one of my friends told me that the first thing he does every morning is roll over in bed, grab his Mac and open it to see what’s happening in the world.” [Editor’s Note: Your editor has made a deal with himself not to sleep in the same room as his Mac more than three times a week. It’s a work in progress.]
Two more reasons why Macs are the quintessential gay computer: Apple proudly and publicly donated $100,000 to the No on 8 Campaign before the election and Queerty is made on a Mac. We really are working on that sleeping with each other thing.