FOOT-BALLLLIN'

Patriots Studmuffin Rob Gronkowski Would “Eff Tebow To Take His Virginity.” (So Would We.)

New England Patriots footballer Rob Gronkowski is the kind of straight guy we could totally pal around with. He’s funny, good-looking, and hangs out with porn stars. Plus, he’s not one of those fat football players with 30 pounds of flab as extra padding. He’s got a six pack! What’s not to love?

So it’s no surprise that the Gronster was a good sport when some University of Rhode Island college kids asked him to play “Fuck, Chuck, or Marry” with Jets coach Rex Ryan, octogenarian comedienne Betty White, and new Jet backup QB Tim Tebow last night.

His answer, without hesitation: “I would eff Tebow to take his virginity.”

But that begs the question—once Tebow is broken in by Rob’s sizable manhood, what bottom will Tebow give his top virginity away to? Maybe Fred Durst, if it hasn’t happened already.

Photo via Bibi Jones

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22 Comments

  • J

    Now this is silly!

  • Caleb

    I’ve always had a slight man crush on The Gronk, but now I am totally in love with the guy. Hilarious!

  • Steve

    Sure I would have sex with him, if I wanted to be infected with every possible STD knownto man.

  • Dennis

    Please Tebow isn’t a virgin at all, it’s just BS and PR. He’s probably had sex with someone either a man or a woman.

  • Caleb

    @Dennis: Dude, I totally agree with you. You know how those Evangelicals think. Head does not count as sex. A handy does not count as sex. Anal does not count as sex.

    I’m sure he is technically a virgin, but he’s a virgin that gets his dick sucked a LOT!!!

  • chuckles

    Gronk always struck me as the type that would hit anything with a hole. Not in a total slutty way but more of a “hmm this could be interesting, I always thought he’d be a bottom” way.

    As for Tebow, please, Fred stands no chance. You and I both know he likes the black penis.

  • David B.

    He’s cute, but I’ll take the football players with the 30 extra pounds over the six-pack any day.

  • Kevin in Cincy

    And I would effin’ PAY to see it… ;)

  • J Ascher

    I recently came to the conclusion that Tebow probably perfected his “pose” by giving blow jobs while in college.

  • Gene in L.A.

    You know, there’s really nothing funny about this. What he’s talking about is called RAPE.

  • Kevin in Cincy

    @Gene in L.A.: PUH-LEEZE, Dude… :(

  • Gene in L.A.

    @Kevin in Cincy: You’d feel differently if it happened to you.

  • William

    You see it’s ironic because Tebow is a traditional christian and he doesn’t have sex outside of marriage. Next topic: What if Mike Tyson totally fucked Nancy Pelosi’s ass? What a riot!!

  • Kevin

    @William: I think it’s silly that people would hide their bad decisions behind a religion. And waiting till marriage to have sex is definitely a bad decision.

  • Cam

    The evenagellicals always claim they want the boys to be little goody two shoes that never look at a woman until they marry and spend their days praying and playing sports etc…

    The ONLY time that actually happens is when they have a gay son who uses the religion to hide that fact.

  • tj

    Ummm no its not rape. He didn’t say he would force Tim Tebow to do anything.

    Anyway. I think it goes without saying that Tebow is not really a virgin. Man or woman and I suspect man (particularly the big black teammate/roommate who passionately kissed him on the field) he has hopped in the sack with someone. Please!

  • chuckles

    @Gene in L.A.: Rape? Really? Are Oompa-Loompa’s real in your world too?

  • EvonCook

    @Gene in L.A.: Actually it did happen to me when I was a kid of 15. It hurt, I bleed and cried, but I begged the guy to do it again before the day was out. Never stopped a good thing even if it came hard and fast at first.

  • Ramone

    !! LOVE GRONK !!

  • Eric

    @Gene in L.A.: The question is marry, f**k, or kill.

    He stated who he would f**k before answering the other two. This has nothing to do with rape. Lay off it.

  • Noel

    @Gene in L.A.: Don’t be stupid, Gene. You’re saying eveyone who has ever played Marry, Fuck, Kill is a murdering rapist?

  • startenout

    My “favorite” part of the article is that the excuse for a reporter couldn’t be satisfied with telling us how good looking the guy with a six pack is, but had to make sure we understand that “those fat football players with 30 extra pounds of flab” could not be considered just as hot. Good job, Evan. Keep up the shallow bitch writing.

Comments are closed.