Considering her unshakeable status as a gay icon, pop queen, and trailblazing activist, some may say that Madonna can do no wrong.
But they would be incorrect. Case-and-point: Swept Away, the disastrous 2002 blockbuster that brought her big-screen acting career to a screeching halt.
If you haven’t seen the film, consider yourself lucky.
Basically, spoiled socialite Amber Leighton (Madonna) embarks on a private cruise where Giuseppe (Adriano Giannini) works as a deckhand. The two despise each other, but (naturally) end up shipwrecked on a deserted island. Without any survival skills, Amber is forced to submit to Giuseppe, who’s kind of hot but wants her to be his “love slave.” Weird. Regardless, she falls for him, but their romance is shattered after they’re rescued and returned to the real world. There’s also a highly stylized lip sync performance of “Come On-a My House” in there somewhere.
While the LGBTQ+ community can typically see past a Rotten Tomatoes score if a flick delivers high camp, histrionic performances, or a stellar soundtrack, there’s a reason why Madge’s loyal gays didn’t even show up for this one. She didn’t give us a bop for the credits… and the movie is just that bad.
We had high hopes, considering the adventure comedy allowed Madonna to work with then-husband Guy Ritchie, who was riding off the fumes of a box-office blitz after directing 2000’s Snatch.
On paper, it looked like a dream collab for the two creatives: a gripping love story, a month in Malta, an opportunity for Ritchie to sink his teeth into a softer script, and most importantly, a chance for Madonna to erase The Next Best Thing from the general public’s memory.
Unfortunately, any good intentions ended up shipwrecked. Swept Away made a dismal debut in theaters, and for the most part, Madonna hasn’t acknowledged its existence in decades.
But hey, if Madge smoking a cig on a spin bike whilst defending capitalism, then getting slapped by an octopus (and her lover), before having sex to Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You” with a man she calls “master” –– all while wearing a bikini –– sounds like a good time to you… then you should maybe seek treatment.
While we’ll always be appreciative of her expansive discography, unwavering allyship, and hell, even Evita, we’ve got a sneaky feeling that Madonna also wishes this one ended up on the cutting room floor.
For those that have braved its 89 minute runtime (and those who are just morbidly curious), click through for 25 facts about Swept Away.
dbmcvey
It really should have ended with The Next Best Thing, or even sooner. Her only good film performances are Desperately Seeking Susan, A League of Their Own and Dick Tracy. I didn’t care for Evita.
abfab
Truth Or Dare
dbmcvey
@abfab
Yeah, I guess her acting in that was good.
Gabby
I will defend Madden until forever but tight movie is so bad. She looks incredible but her acting is not good. All she needed was someone to pull her aside and be like “girl you’re trying to hard relax”. The worst part is she gave up the role in the Matrix franchise to do this.
Gabby
Dude its Madonna not Madden. Also, it’s the not tight.