Screen Shot 2014-11-14 at 12.05.51 PMIn the beginning, there was the homosexual. Once oppressed and ignored, the homosexual rose to global influence with his keen sense of style and sharp wit.

The homosexual begot the metrosexual, for the straight man looked to him and thought “damn, he looks so good I could kiss him. How can I pull that off?”

And now, though our labels become less adhesive and more interchangeable, there are trends which cannot be completely ignored.

There’s the spornosexual, which, OK, stop trying to make spornosexual happen. It’s not going to happen.

But what of the spornosexual’s even burlier cousins? The ones with beards instead of stubble, axes instead of CrossFit?

Well GearJunkie has dubbed them lumbersexuals, and they’ll steal your heart faster than you can say “what do you mean this cabin doesn’t have plumbing?!”

Here they are in their natural habitat:










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