As you may or may not know, Out Magazine‘s Out 100 – their annual celebration of gay icons, leaders, and other notables – looms large on the horizon.

In celebration, they’ve enlisted some of Gayville’s “biggest” names to blog-the-shit leading up to the November 10th event. Which names? Our friend Sam Spector, homo-songster Rufus Wainwright, Choire Sicha, and actor Michael Cavadias, to name a few.

Anyway, we moseyed on over to see how things are going and came across this piece on Out 100 honoree David Hauslaib: the man from whose loins we sprang. Here’s a snippet of what Hauslaib had to say about his daily happenings:

“I go to the gym because my fat ass just got back from Paris and I need to work off the cheese..”

Wait. Hauslaib eats cheese? Fuck. Only rich people eat cheese. We’ve never even seen cheese. He told us he was living in a dumpster behind the LGBT Center and could only pay us in poppers and blowjobs!

He goes on to say that he sometimes works up to 14 hours a day. Right. Now that we know he’s tasted that dairy product of the gods, we’ll never trust another word he says. He’s probably in Rome right now, eating grapes off of barely legal hookers and snorting lines of gold.

Wait… Oh no! We hear footsteps. We think he’s coming for us…

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