Since time immemorial, the story has remained the same: The holidays are about getting together with friends, learning that it’s better to give than receive, and strutting around the house in extremely revealing briefs.
We can help with that last part. We here at Queerty have banded together with a crack team of underwear freaks to bring to you a selection of achingly sexy undergarments guaranteed to cock an eyebrow or two. Think of this underwear as fancy gift-wrapping paper for your loins. Which isn’t weird.
Wake up call: You’re not the only one trying to be a super-sexy Santa this holiday season. Competition is fierce, so get with it. Step into the game by slipping into the Modus Vivendi Bon Bon Brief. Featuring high cut sides, a center seam at the rear, and a velvety texture that’s way over-the-top, this brief is the perfect fusion of Yuletide spirit and seductive sleaze. Competitive bodybuilders, take note.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
TooLoud Red Candy Cane Boxer Brief
Why should you deck yourself out in a pair of candy-cane-striped boxer-briefs this holiday season? Welp… your significant other will be significantly impressed by your ever-rippling physique and your dedicated adherence to a theme. And there’s probably some association you can between licking a candy cane and… Oh, they’ll just look great on you. And no part of the boxer-brief is emblazoned with the slogan “Jingle Balls,” so that’s a plus.
He’ll know he has a real catch on his hands as you gamely decorate the tree in your C-IN2 Men’s Oxide Brief.
“More tinsel?” you’ll ask airily. “Less tinsel?”
“Less insecurity,” he’ll say sagely, salving your frayed nerves as he calmly rests the palms of his hand on the brief’s classic low-cut silhouette.
“You always bring me such peace,” you’ll say, smiling inwardly.
“You boys are awfully cute together,” rasps Grandma from her favorite comfy chair.
MuscleMate Premium Men’s Thong
Won’t everyone at the office party be surprised when you bound into the highly-decorated conference room in the MuscleMate Premium Men’s Thong?
Steve from The Risk Management Department will whistle fondly. “That takes guts, man. Spandex?”
“17% Spandex, 83% Polyamide,” you’ll say, helping yourself to another cup of rummy eggnog. “The seamless construction will keep you cool and dry, making it ideal for working out, sports, or whatever you get up to in the bedroom.”
“Er, okay,” Steve will say, scanning the room. “Gotta run something by Sue in Quality Assurance. Happy holidays!”
That’s when Pam in Human Resources will probably tap you on the shoulder.
Cadmus Men’s Thermal Long Johns Pants
Fun fact: Long Johns have magical properties that make everyone immediately want to fornicate with you — so long as they aren’t concealed by jeans or pants. And if they happened to be checkered red and white as befits the season? Even better.
Case in point: Cadmus Men’s Thermal Long Johns Pants, featuring four-way stretch fabric, a smooth and sexy silhouette, and flexibility for miles. Now, come and sit by the hearth with us, right here on the bear skin rug. Cocoa? Sherry? A fifth of bourbon? Hi.
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ingyaom
Sorry, not sexy.
pscheck2
all in the eye of the beholder (however, I’ll take Santa above!).
spacecadet
Agreed!
Bob LaBlah
I thought the candy stripes were creative but just as all designer undies after the third wash it will be time to buy another pair. Thanks but I’ll stick to the $10.99 K-Mart/Target multi-pack multi-color Fruit of the Loom specials. I have always felt throughout my fifty-plus years that its who and whats packaged underneath the drawers that count.
Jack Meoff
These fall into the category of gay underwear and it is never sexy. Nothing puts me off a hot guy faster than gay underwear.
Xzamilloh
Boxer briefs and call it a day. Maybe it’s a sexist thing on my end, but only women actually pull off the lingerie thing… I’ve yet to see any sexy “manties.” Like I said before, buy a pack of briefs at Wal-Mart and call it a day.
alanballs
I totally agree…..NOT sexy at all. next……
bottomology
These are cute! They will go well with one of our holiday sweaters on Bottomology.