bad comedy

Ted Cruz bombs at CPAC with jokes about men french kissing and his trip to Cancun

Senator Ted Cruz is currently in Orlando, Florida for the annual Conservative Political Action Conference where he gave his first big speech since that whole Cancun scandal broke last week.

But rather than deliver a typical political stump speech, Cruz decided to switch things up and try his hand at a little standup comedy.

Things went about as well as you might expect them to.

The 2024 GOP presidential hopeful cracked terrible jokes about cancel culture–“Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t tell comedy anymore because every joke has been canceled!”–while intermittently yelling at the crowd to “JUST HAVE FUN!!!” before heaping praise onto the man who once called his wife ugly and linked his father to JFK’s assassination.

“Let me tell ya right now: Donald J. Trump ain’t goin’ anywhere,” Cruz boasted into the microphone.

(Quick fact check: Jerry Seinfeld has never been “canceled.” He’s still working and released a comedy special on Netflix just last year.)

The comedy routine, if you can even call it that, also included a joke about public health officials, saying they want people to wear masks “for the next 300 years,” and a homophobic remark about leftist men french kissing.

“We see leftists across the country shutting down churches. California, they’ve helpfully explained, you can go out and protest. You can scream and yell, ‘Abolish the police,’ and this virus magically, no one will get infected. You can French kiss the guy next to you yelling, ‘Abolish the police,’ and no one will get infected. But if you go to church and say, ‘Amazing grace,’ everyone’s going to die.”

But perhaps the worst part of the speech came when Cruz made light of fleeing to Cancun last week while millions of Texans remained without heat or power, hospitals ran out of water, and at least 80 people died, including an 11-year-old child.

“I’ve got to say, Orlando is awesome!” he guffawed. “It’s not as nice as Cancun, but it’s nice.”

Here’s what folx on Twitter are saying about the whole thing…

EDITOR’S NOTE: The original quote in this article was inaccurate and has been updated based on the official transcript of Cruz’s CPAC speech. We regret the error.